


Boyfriend Wanted

by xxenjoy



Series: Christmas Stories [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Christmas, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Family Dynamic, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Mentions of past prostitution, POV Dean, Strangers to Lovers, Switch Castiel, Switch Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-15 01:20:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 47,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13020255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxenjoy/pseuds/xxenjoy
Summary: Dean Winchester has done a lot of shit to get by in his time, but faking a relationship with a perfect stranger and driving up to Vancouver for the holidays is definitely a new one.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [Australis290](https://arnchiveofourown.org/users/australis290/pseuds/australis290) for helping with the tags and believing in me even when I don't <3
> 
>  
> 
> **|| now complete**

Christmas is probably Dean's least favourite time of the year. It's not that he doesn't get it because he does; for some, it's a religious holiday, and for others, it's a time to spend with family and friends. but Dean's not religious, all his friends have gone home for the holidays, and his only living relative is his brother halfway across the country. It's not exactly conducive to a booming holiday spirit when you're on your own 24 hours a day. Being unemployed doesn't help either; normally he'd be working full time over Christmas - it gives him something to distract himself, and he doesn't have to work himself ragged through the school year - but this year the family who owns the garage is going to Mexico for Christmas, and they won't' be back until January. _Whatever_ , Dean thinks. He's been unemployed over Christmas before, and he probably will be again, he'll just have to find some other way to make money over the winter, which is how he ends up downtown on a Tuesday morning, fighting against the wind and the onslaught of pedestrians on their way to work. 

Outside his apartment, the Christmas season is in full swing; it's early so the lights aren't on, but they're there, covering streetlamps and telephone poles and hanging over the streets, and there are wreaths on every garbage can and Christmas music spewing from every retailer he walks past. It does nothing to encourage his mood, and he frowns as he ducks into his local coffee shop, tugging his scarf so it hangs loosely around his neck. 

It's packed, and Dean realizes belatedly that those people on the streets heading to work? they're also gonna be buying coffee. Resigning himself to the wait - there's not another decent coffee shop for blocks, and it's fucking cold out - he decides to check out the bulletin board to see if anyone's offering work. The first thing that catches his eye is a flyer with the header: **BOYFRIEND WANTED**. It's an offbeat little place, so it's not so much the content of the flyer that catches his attention, but the fact that it looks like an official advertisement - most of the weird shit that gets posted in here is hand printed. Upon closer inspection, Dean finds that it's a paying gig, and he could definitely stand to be paid to be someone's boyfriend for a week. Checking around him to make sure no one's paying attention, he snaps a photo of the flyer and rejoins the line for coffee.

❄ ❅ ❆ ❅ ❄

It's been a week since he found the ad hanging in his coffee shop, and Dean reads it again, for what must be the twentieth time. It's kind of weird he thinks, to pose as someone's boyfriend and go make nice with their family and friends for a week and then just drop out of their life forever. Then again, who is he to judge weirdness and besides, he's done worse things to pay his rent.

He almost doesn't call, but then the next morning his coffeemaker breaks down on him, and there's no way he can afford to replace it right now. It's all the persuasion he needs. He waits on the line for what feels like an eternity before an answering machine picks up announcing that he's reached the voicemail of _Castiel Novak_ and that he should leave a message and his phone number. His voice is low and gravelly, and Dean wonders if he was sick when he recorded his voicemail message. Regardless, Dean's not going to leave his phone number on some random dude's answering machine, so he hangs up and tries again. 

By the sixth call, he's almost given up; Castiel has probably found someone else to be his boyfriend for the week, and it's only out of sheer boredom that he tries again. He gets an answer on the third ring. 

"You've been calling me all night," comes the reply, and nope, apparently he wasn't sick, that's just what he sounds like. 

"I have, I was bored," his voice lifts at the end, and he wonders if he got the number right, it's not like he dialed it every single time. 

"Who are you?"

"I'm Dean Winchester," so much for not giving out personal details, "I'm calling about your flyer. That was you, right?"

"Oh shit, sorry, I had actually forgotten about that," Castiel chuckles sheepishly, and Dean can't help but like him for it. "Are you... interested?"

"Kinda the reason I kept calling."

"Right, sorry. I just got home, twelve hour day. I'm really glad to hear from you, do you think I could meet you for breakfast or something tomorrow to talk about it?"

"Yeah, for sure." He hadn't actually thought about it before, but now that meeting has been mentioned, Dean would like to see this guy before he agrees to spend a week with him and a bunch of other random strangers. 

"I hope tomorrow morning isn't too early? Like, seven?"

"Yeah, I can do that."

"Thank you so much, I look forward to seeing you tomorrow."

"Me too," Deann says, though his stomach is twisting at the thought of it. He puts the phone down, tapping his hand on his thigh. What kind of person is so desperate that he needs to hire a boyfriend? He's not totally sure he wants to find out the answer. Sure, Castiel sounds amazing, but what if he's some sort of creep? _Ugh_ , why does he always get himself into these situations?

❄ ❅ ❆ ❅ ❄

Seven am, Dean decides, is too early to wake up and meet with a complete stranger who he may or may not be fake-dating in a couple of weeks. He dresses in his best clean clothes and makes a mental note to do laundry soon because the ratio of dirty to clean is getting precarious.

He checks his bank balance before heading out the door, and groans at his phone; looks like laundry can wait. He scrapes the pile of change off his dresser and shoves it into his pocket, reminding himself over and over again as he makes his way to meet Castiel that appearance doesn't matter, this guy could be ugly as shit and the only thing that matters is that Dean needs this job. At this rate, if Castiel turns him down, he's going to have to do something drastic to keep his apartment into the new year. 

The wind is cold when he steps outside, and Dean coils his scarf a little tighter around him, burying his nose in it. The cafe is a little further than Dean would normally travel for coffee, but according to Castiel, it's a good middle ground, so Dean makes his way through the busy streets to get there. 

When he gets there, it's decently busy, and he looks around, hoping someone will jump out at him. He's got nothing - everyone looks like they're getting ready for business meetings, and he can't imagine any one of them is Castiel. He moves to sit down, and suddenly there's a hand on his shoulder. 

"You must be Dean."

The voice is unmistakably Castiel's, and Dean turns in his seat to find him looming over him. He's got to be at least six feet and better built than Dean, which, _wow_. If there's one thing Dean prides himself on, aside from the car he can't currently drive, it's his physique; he's not the most attractive person out there as far as he's concerned, but his body's decent. Castiel, on the other hand, looks like he spends his free time at the gym, and Dean shrinks back into his seat, feeling even more nervous about this than before. 

Castiel takes a seat across from him, greeting him with a wide smile that just shrinks Dean's self-confidence further; if a guy like Castiel can't find a date, who fucking can? He wants to ask why; why is he doing this, why doesn't he just go to a bar like a regular person? but their server comes over and smiles brightly at them, asking about coffee and orange juice. Dean's quick to order a coffee, but he remembers the pile of clothes on his bedroom floor and passes on breakfast. 

"Aren't you going to eat?" Castiel asks. 

"Uh, no," he says quietly, fidgeting with his cutlery. "I'll just eat when I get home." Castiel gives him an odd look, but it passes quickly.

"So what is it exactly that you're looking for?" Dean asks, eager to move on with things. 

"Uh," Castiel starts, "it's a little embarrassing."

"Can't be all that bad."

"My family is very successful." Bad start. "My brother is a lawyer, my parents retired in their early fifties and neither has had to work a day since my other brother is expecting his first child, Gabriel has a beautiful family-" Castiel stops and sighs, looking down at the table and biting his bottom lip.

"You don't feel good enough?"

"Essentially," he agrees, "I'm an art student. Even my sister has a salary job and a beautiful house in the city- she's been seeing this guy, apparently it's getting pretty serious, and I'm just working twelve hour days and coming home so exhausted I can't think."

"What do you mean _even_ your sister?" Dean frowns, worried he might have landed himself some thick-headed bigot, but Cas' face clearly says otherwise.

"We're twins, she's three minutes older than me. Apparently, those three minutes make a hell of a difference."

"So what you want me for is-?"

"To not feel so pathetic?" Castiel winces. 

"I don't know why you would think that in the first place," Dean blurts, which is good, apparently his mouth is working separately from the rest of him now. "I know I don't know you, but you don't come across that way. Pathetic, I mean."

"Thank you, but that's not how it feels."

"I get that, I know something about not feeling good enough. If you're still up for it, I would be happy to be your boyfriend." 

Cas chuckles sheepishly, and Dean can't help but smile at the faint red tinge that spreads across his cheeks, "I guess all that's left to discuss then is how far you're willing to take it."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning if we're going to be dating, there are certain things that come up; kissing, touching-" he raises an eyebrow at Dean.

"Yeah, I'm good with pretty much anything."

" _Anything_?"

"I've done worse for less."

"That's not really my business," Castiel says softly. "But I am grateful. Are you sure?"

"Why don't we play it by ear, if something comes up and I'm not comfortable, I'll let you know. Same for you, if I cross a line let me know."

"I can work with that. Look, I'm sorry to rush off, but I should get going, I've got work to do and the school's still half an hour away."

"School?"

"Not class, but they keep the studio open during the week, I have a project I'm working on."

"Cool."

"Can we meet next weekend maybe? To get to know each other a bit better, work out our backstory?"

"Yeah, sounds great," Dean agrees. 

"I'll give you a call sometime this week."

"Perfect."

"Um," Castiel pauses, halfway out of the booth, "I don't know if I mentioned or not, but the family thing is in Canada."

Dean can feel his face drop, and he sucks his lip, "I can't afford to travel."

"Leave that to me, I don't expect you to pay for anything." He starts toward the door, and turns just before heading out, "thank you, Dean, I look forward to the weekend."

"Me too Cas- Castiel."

"Call me Cas," he smiles, holding the door with his hip for a second before flashing Dean a brief wave and disappearing into the crowd on the street. Dean can't help but think that one or both of them is making a mistake her; Castiel could do so much better, and Dean is liable to forget that somewhere along the line. He already likes this guy, and while that could be very good for their scheme, it could also go badly because Cas is on a whole other level, regardless of what he thinks of himself.

❄ ❅ ❆ ❅ ❄

Dean thinks about Cas all week; he thinks about all the ways this could go wrong, and how they're going to get to Canada, but most of all he thinks about why the fuck Cas is still single. Cas is sexy, he obviously cares about his family, and from what Dean's learned about him, he's dedicated to his art, Dean can't even say half of that about himself.

Saturday arrives, and Dean feels good about his upcoming meeting with Cas, but he's still a little anxious about the whole thing. He bundles himself up and heads downtown reminding himself that this is just a job and he needs this money, at least this time he's not going to be in any immediate danger. It's a little warmer today, but not much, and Dean almost slips on his way out the door. Not a good start to the day, but it'll be fine, it has to be fine.

Cas called the night before to ask if they could meet at the big Chapters downtown, and Dean has to use his phone to find his way there. He gives himself lots of time and ends up getting there first, so he orders a drink from the Starbucks upstairs and sits near the glass barrier to watch for Castiel. He doesn't have to wait long; he's barely started in on his drink when he spots Cas from above, windswept and flushed from the cold, and a faint smile tugs at Dean's lips. He pushes the image aside, and leans over the barrier, waving to Cas to catch his attention. The smile he gets when Cas spots him is blinding, and Dean has to turn away to keep himself from grinning like an idiot. He's got one of those smiles that just makes the entire room light up, and Dean adds it to the least of reasons that Cas shouldn't have any trouble finding a boyfriend on his own. 

He sets his things down next to Dean's table, "hey," he grins, "just give me a second to grab a drink." Dean nods and curses himself for not being able to control his face. Cas rejoins him a moment later, folding his hands around his cup and smiling. _Jesus Christ_ , if this guy doesn't stop smiling Dean's going to develop a complex. 

"How's your week been?" Cas asks.

"Not bad," Dean lies, "you?"

"Hectic. I've been working on this project for months and I'm stuck, but it's fine. We leave on Monday, and we have more important things to worry about than art right now."

"So, how long have we been dating?" He figures it's best to jump in right away.

"Since May, uh, when's your birthday?"

"January 24th."

"Yeah, since May," Cas confirms.

"Why do you want to know my birthday?"

"You're my boyfriend Dean, and as of today we've been dating for..." he does a mental count, his fingers twitching slightly against his cup, "eight months. I think I should know your birthday, mine's September 18th."

"Touche. Where did we meet?"

"You were a model for my art class?"

Dean scoffs, "no one's going to believe that."

"Why not?"

He gestures at himself, "because no one wants to draw _this_."

"That's not true," Cas says, sipping his drink, "I'd draw you, or paint you, I also like pastels if that works for you."

"I don't think you count, _babe_. But I guess that works."

"It does. I like the idea. You asked me out."

"Why?"

"Because I'm a coward, Dean, and my family would never believe I was brave enough to talk to you about anything other than whatever work we were doing together."

"I wouldn't think you were afraid of a date."

"You'd be wrong," Cas sighs, "might be part of the reason we're here right now." 

They talk for close to two hours, and Dean doesn't think he's taken in so much information about someone ever. He actually likes Cas a lot, which will make the next week so much easier than he was expecting it to be. Cas shows him pictures of his family, all of whom are ridiculously good-looking, and Dean's nervous about being surrounded by them all Christmas. 

He tries to buy him lunch afterward, but Dean declines and heads home. If they leave Monday, that gives him a day and a half to wash his clothes, tidy up his apartment and pack. It's dark by the time he gets home, which shouldn't be surprising considering it's December, but it is a little gloomy. He puts music on on his phone, gathers up all his spare change and fills his laundry basket.

It's a three flight walk down to the laundry room, and when he gets down there, someone else has their clothes in the washing machine. Just his fucking luck. The timer says five minutes so Dean sits on the lowest step with his basket around the corner, and waits for the cycle to end. As if on cue, a sleepy looking red-haired guy comes out of the unit to his right, flashing him a lazy grin and a wave before turning into the laundry room. He comes out only seconds later, giving Dean a thumbs up before disappearing back into his apartment. 

Dean hauls his basket up carrying it into the room and setting it down on the dryer. He doesn't sort his laundry because his nicer clothes are still clean, and the rest of it is old, or at least worn enough that the dyes won't bleed; it all gets tossed in together. He throws the soap in, adjusts the settings and sets an alarm on his phone. The machines are old so it usually takes an hour to wash and the same to dry, which means as long as long as his sleepy neighbour doesn't come back with more, it should take him four hours. _Fuck_ , he hates this building. 

He traipses back up the stairs, shoving his half-full laundry basket onto the kitchen counter and dropping down onto his bed. He pulls out his phone and shoots off a quick text to Sam, letting him know plans have changed and he won't' be visiting for Christmas this year. He feels bad about canceling, but he knows he and Jess are spending the holiday with her family, and he doesn't want Sam paying for him to fly out there and impose upon them. Besides, this way he can pretend not to be alone for a little while. 

Dean's stomach grumbles, and he pushes himself up and crosses the short distance to his kitchen. There's nothing in the cupboard, nothing in the fridge, but Dean doesn't want to buy groceries when he's leaving town the day after tomorrow. He resigns himself to microwaved ravioli, and while he's opening the can, his phone buzzes impatiently on the counter, demanding his attention. He sighs and picks up, immediately setting it to speakerphone.

"Hello?"

"Why aren't you coming?"

"Hey, Sam."

"Seriously, Dean, if it's about the money-"

"It's not, I got a job over the holidays and I can't afford to pass it up."

"What is it?"

"It pays well," Dean avoids, "so I might be able to come see you during spring break-"

"Dean, what is the job?" he won't drop it, Dean knows him well enough not to pretend like he will, so he sighs, leaning against the counter with a wooden spoon in one hand. 

"It's kind of like an escort job."

"I thought you weren't doing that stuff anymore?" Sam sighs, and he doesn't sound mad, maybe disappointed.

"I'm not. I said kind of like, not exactly the same."

"So what is it then?"

"Will you feel better if I tell you?"

"Definitely."

"This guy's paying me to be his boyfriend for a week, so we can go visit his family and do the whole Christmas thing," Dean shrugs to himself because saying it out loud sounds so weird. 

"Okay," Sam replies, stretching the word as far as it will go, "are you staying in Chicago then?"

"Uh," Dean stammers, "no, not exactly. Cas' family lives in Vancouver."

"Gross, you're spending your Christmas in Washington?"

"Not Washington, British Columbia. I'm spending my Christmas in Canada."

"Canada? Dude, do you even have a passport?"

"Oh _shit_ , I don't know if it's still valid. Fuck Sam, I gotta go find it, I'll give you a call tomorrow?"

"Yeah, for sure. Before you go, have you at least met this guy? I don't want to see your face pop up on the news because you're missing or murdered or worse."

"Yeah, I've met him, he seems pretty cool. I'll be fine Sammy, I can take care of myself. Talk to you tomorrow."

Dean ends the call and hurries into the other room, looking around because he has no idea where the hell his passport is. There's a stack of boxes by the window and he starts there, tearing into them and dumping everything around him in a circle. There's a lot of shit packed into them, but no passport. 

He tears his entire apartment apart looking for it, burning his food in the process. He leaves the pot in the sink to soak as he eats his dinner and thinks about what he's going to tell Cas. He can't decide if he should blame himself for being such an idiot, or Cas for not mentioning it, but either way, Dean's the one who loses out. He picks himself up off the bed and grabs his laundry hamper, ready to switch his clothes out and when he stands back up he comes face to face with his passport, neatly clipped to the bulletin board. Heaving a sigh, he heads out the front door with his laundry. At least he won't' have to cancel on Cas. 

Dean walks back into his apartment to his phone vibrating off the counter. He drops the now empty basket on the floor and rushes over, answering without even looking to see who's calling.

"Hello?"

"Dean."

"Hey, Cas, what's up?"

"We have a minor problem." 

No, Dean thinks, he's had enough problems today, he doesn't need any more. "What is it?"

"I was supposed to rent a car to drive up, but the agency is closed early, so I don't have a car. How do you feel about flying?"

"What?" Dean chokes, and he can hear Cas' resigned sigh on the other end.

"Judging by your reaction, I'm gonna say no to flying."

"It's not that, I just-"

"I get it," Cas says, and Dean feels bad because he sounds so sincere about it, "do you have a vehicle?"

"It's not insured."

"How do you feel about driving it to Vancouver if I get in insured?"

"It's a '67 Impala, it's not gonna be cheap to drive across the border."

"I don't care. I hate public transit, and I'm not going to make you fly if it makes you uncomfortable. I'll pay to have the car insured, and I'll pay for gas as long as it gets us there."

"She'll get us there. The only reason I'm not driving right now is because it costs so damn much."

"Good, can I meet you in the morning to sort out the insurance?"

"Yeah," Dean agrees, "I'll probably be up anyway. I think most places open around ten?"

"I'll come get you around nine? We can grab coffee on the way?"

"Cool, see you then." Dean hangs up and resumes his not-so-patient waiting for the laundry to be done. He puts on a movie and lies down until it's time to switch it again. Laundry is tedious.

❄ ❅ ❆ ❅ ❄

After they get the insurance worked out, Dean drives Cas home and makes for his own apartment. It feels good to be back behind the wheel; he doesn't even know how long it's been since he's driven his car, but it's been a long fucking time. When he gets home, he doesn't exactly want to go upstairs, but he'll have a lot of time to drive in the next few days, so he parks his baby in the same spot she's been in forever, and climbs the stairs to his apartment.

He's still got a bunch of packing left to do, so he pulls out his biggest duffel bag and sets it on the bed. He packs the essentials first; underwear, socks, toiletries, then moves on to clothes. He has no clue what to bring with him; Cas dresses well, though casual, and Dean's wardrobe tends to lean a lot more toward the casual end of things. He packs all his nicest clothes, his best jeans, and roughly ten other outfits, just in case.


	2. Chapter 2

The morning they leave, Dean lets himself sleep in for as long as he can, and when he's not tired anymore, he still stays in bed until close to eleven. He eventually hauls himself out of bed, grabbing the clothes he laid out for himself the night before, and heads for the shower. He feels better once he's clean, but he still needs coffee and hopefully something to eat. Cas is supposed to meet him in half an hour, and now that he's leaving for pretty much the rest of the month, he doesn't have to worry about grocery shopping, so they can pick up lunch or something on the way. 

Dean's packed and ready to go by 11:45 and he takes his stuff down to the parking lot before Cas shows up because he doesn't really want him to see where he lives. It's stupid maybe, considering the fact that Cas knows he's broke and is also hiring him to be his boyfriend because _he's_ the one who's too self-conscious to meet his family alone. Stupid or not, Dean drags his stuff down and packs it into the car, then hops up on the trunk to wait for Cas, scrolling through the messages on his phone. He only waits five minutes before Cas texts him that he's there, and Dean hops down from the car, buzzing him into the parking area and unlocking the trunk. 

Cas is tugging a black suitcase behind him that is roughly the size of Dean's main bag, and Dean frowns at himself. Maybe he overpacked. 

"Good morning," he grins, and Cas smiles back, holding out a tray of coffee with his free hand. 

"Morning. Thanks." Dean takes the tray and sets it on the roof of the car so Cas can stick his bag in the trunk.

"I figured we might need that considering we've got a long drive ahead of us. Do you always pack this much? You don't strike me as one of those people."

"I'm not," Dean sighs, "I was just worried... I didn't know what to bring."

"So you panicked and brought everything?"

"That about sums it up." 

Cas just laughs, "alright, let's head out, have you eaten?"

"No actually, I'm starving. You mind grabbing lunch on the way out?"

"Not at all."

"Thank god, all I've eaten since last night is burnt ravioli and-" Cas gives him a questioning look over the roof of the car and Dean shakes his head, "don't ask. I forgot I needed a passport and after my brother reminded me, everything fell to shit."

"Sounds like an interesting night."

"Something like that." Dean turns the keys in the ignition, and the engine rumbles to life. This is it, no turning back now; for the next week and a bit, Cas is his boyfriend and Dean's going home to meet the family. 

They pick up lunch on the road and head North. Their plan is to drive straight through for as long as they can, and pick up dinner along the way. They'll stop for the night and start up bright and early the next morning, rinse and repeat. 

Dean's halfway through his burger, struggling to keep it off himself and the car, when Cas turns to him, "are you nervous?"

"Fuckin' terrified," he admits. 

"It won't be too bad. My family is great, and they're so excited to meet you," he sounds a little disappointed and Dean wants to ask if he's nervous, but Cas doesn't give him a chance. "The first thing they're going to ask is how we met, and we need to agree beforehand or it's going to be a mess."

"Dude, that's easy enough if we're gonna go with the model thing. I'm broke as fuck so I was looking on the school bulletin board and found an ad for your class looking for models," he shrugs, "they were low on participants so they asked me."

Cas frowns, "you'd be an optimal model, Dean, not the last resort. I'd seen you around and when the project came up, I thought you'd be perfect, so I asked and you accepted."

"We go to different schools, Cas, where did you see me?"

" _Around_ ," he says sarcastically. 

Dean grins at him, "I guess we'll just have to see who they ask first."

"They're going to ask you."

"We'll see. So what then? I was your model, you fell desperately in love with me?"

"More like the other way around," Cas scoffs.

"Uhhh, you get me as your model, I get you to fall in love with me, it's only fair," Dean grins at him, nudging him with his elbow. 

"Okay, fine. Do we live together?"

"No, it makes more sense for us to live separately because our schools aren't exactly close."

"You drive," Cas argues.

"You know that's not true," Dean frowns. 

"I know, I'm sorry, but they won't. You're driving us up here, they'll assume you drive in the city. I have a two-bedroom apartment and I live on my own, there's no reason for us not to live together."

"Right. Um, I guess we live together."

"You don't sound very excited about that."

Dean sighs, "I'm just nervous about this whole thing. Don't get me wrong, I'm a great liar when I need to be, but keeping stories straight is harder, and I don't want to fuck this up for you."

"Hey," Cas says softly, resting a hand on Dean's knee, "we'll figure it out, okay? Worst case scenario, we lie some more, say that the actual story was too embarrassing so we made up a new one."

"Thanks," Dean mumbles, and Cas smiles at him. They fall quiet after that, with only the sounds of the radio to break the silence. Cas seems content to look out the window, watching everything go past, and Dean focuses ahead, hoping he hasn't gotten himself into another fucking mess. He can still feel the phantom warmth of Cas' hand on his knee long after it's been removed.

❄ ❅ ❆ ❅ ❄

They stop for dinner just after five, pulling off into the parking lot of a diner that seems to have dropped from the sky, for all the nothingness that's surrounds it. Dean suspects it to be some sort of trucker stop, but it seems fairly busy, and Cas insists that he's starving and it will be fine. When they walk in they're greeted by a cheerful hostess, and she leads them to a booth by the window.

"I'll leave you with your menus," she smiles, very blatantly giving Cas a once-over, "Sasha will be right with you."

"Thank you," Cas smiles, and she turns and skitters away back to the front of the restaurant. Dean doesn't look up from her menu when she's gone; there's just something about the way she looked at Cas that he doesn't like, and he doesn't want Cas to call him on it because he has no right to feel this way. 

"Is there anything you want to do while we're up there?" Cas asks, oblivious to Dean's inappropriate bout of jealousy. 

"I thought we were going up to spend time with your family?"

"Well, yeah, but we're staying with my parents, we'll see them enough. I don't think anyone will mind if we step out for a little while."

That catches Dean off guard, "I didn't realize we were staying at the house."

"Is that going to be a problem? I can book a hotel for us if you want, I didn't think-"

"No, not at all, I just wasn't expecting it, that's all."

"You sure?"

"Do I have a choice?" Dean grins. 

"Don't you think that's why I asked?" Cas returns, and Dean feels a little uncomfortable under his gaze. He's about to come up with a witty remark, but their server interrupts. 

"Good evening gentlemen, can I start you off with drinks?"

"Ah, can I just get a water?" Dean smiles, "and a coffee."

"Yeah, for sure, and for you?"

"I'll have the same."

"Perfect," the server smiles, "I'll be right back with those." Dean looks away to avoid the way the second woman also looks Cas up and down before she heads away. Logically, he knows it's because the hostess probably said something to her, but he still doesn't like it. Fake or not, Cas is _his_ boyfriend for the purpose of this trip, and he doesn't have to like people fawning over him. 

Dinner takes longer than expected, and it sets them back an hour; they're supposed to be stopping for the night at ten, but it ends up being closer to eleven by the time they pull into the motel parking lot. It's nothing special, but then again, Cas had to book it half an hour ago when the place they were hoping for ended up being full. Note to self: any time you need to sleep somewhere, book it in advance. 

Dean brings his smaller bag in with him; it's got everything he should need for the night in it, and he doesn't feel like hauling the other one in with him. He lets Cas have the shower first, and he lies down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. They've been on the road ten hours, and Dean's already getting attached to the guy. It's not like he didn't want to like Cas, but he didn't want to _like_ Cas, and that's where this seems to be going. The water turns off in the bathroom, and Dean busies himself looking for his pajamas rather than have to face a potentially half-naked Cas. 

And _that_ is an image he doesn't need in his mind right now. He pulls his pajamas out and strips down to his boxers, getting changed and cuddling up in bed before Cas comes out of the bathroom. He turns off his own light and shuts his eyes, burying his head in the pillow. Cas slips into bed across from him, and Dean cocks an eye at him. 

"What time should we get up in the morning?"

"Five? Then we have time to get ready and we can just pick up breakfast on the way again, if that works for you?"

"Yeah," Dean says, "sounds good." He fumbles around to set an alarm on his phone, "Night Cas," he mutters.

"Goodnight Dean."

❄ ❅ ❆ ❅ ❄

Five am is really, _really_ early. Dean's eyes refuse to open when his alarm goes off, and he only manages to shut it up by muscle memory. He rubs at his eyes, and there's a blunt pressure behind them; the beginnings of a headache, likely due to lack of sleep. He stumbles to the bathroom with nothing but his toothbrush and toothpaste, setting them both on the counter and turning on the shower.

He steps into the spray, turning it up as hot as he can stand it. The shower is good, but he's still got a headache when he gets out, and pours himself a tall glass of water, dropping onto his bed in nothing but a towel. He drinks the full glass, rubbing his eyes; he's definitely not looking forward to the drive ahead of them today. There's a faint groan from the other bed, and Dean smiles as Cas' head appears above the stark white covers. 

He's glad to know he's not a morning person either. Cas grumbles his way out of bed, and Dean's less glad to find he's only wearing a pair of boxers. Fucking excellent. He glances over in Dean's direction and opens his mouth, and just kind of gets stuck like that. His lips twitch at the corner, and his eyes flick up to Dean's after a moment, warm but sleepy. Fucking christ, he really is beautiful.

"Morning sleepyhead," Dean jokes. He moves to stand up and realizes he's wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist and- _oh_. That's what that was about. Wait, was Cas just checking him out?

"Good morning," Cas smiles blearily, "I'm gonna get dressed and we can head out, sound good?"

"Yeah, then coffee. Lots of fucking coffee."

"Definitely."

❄ ❅ ❆ ❅ ❄

It's still dark out when they leave, and nothing is even open, so they spend a groggy hour and a half driving in the dark until suddenly the skies open up above them. The horizon burns pink and red and orange, and Dean has to remind himself to keep his eyes on the road because it's actually quite beautiful.

They stop for coffee and breakfast at the first place that they find. It's a little local place by the looks of it or at least, Dean doesn't recognize the name, and there's no drive-thru, so he's forced to park and get out. Cas seems equally displeased by this, but he also hasn't spoken a word since they got on the road, and Dean can't believe he's found someone who's less of a morning person than he is. 

Inside, the place is pretty nice. It must be new because none of the signage is faded, and the cedar interior still looks fresh. Cas beelines for the cafe, and Dean browses the shelves, looking for snacks and trying to decide what he actually wants because he's starving, and his stomach is telling him he wants everything. He grabs a couple bag of chips and heads over to meet Cas, but he stops when he hears him talking to the woman behind the counter. 

"It's not mine."

"Oh."

"It's my boyfriend's car," Cas clarifies, and Dean's stomach does a weird little tumbly thing that it has no right doing. 

"Oh, right..." The tumbly thing is followed by a swell of pride and Dean slides up a little closer than strictly necessary, holding out the bags he picked out.

"Chips?" he asks, and Cas nods. "What's for breakfast?"

"Breakfast wraps and assorted pastries," Cas grins sleepily, "I'm hoping the sugar/caffeine combination will keep me awake."

"Good choice." 

Dean pays for the chips, and tries to give Cas money for their breakfast, but he just gets waved off. The girl frowns at Dean as she hands over their food, and he flashes her his biggest, brightest smile and heads out after Cas. He slips into the car, and Cas follows. 

"Subtle," he mutters, but when Dean turns to him, there's a subtle smile reaching across his face. Dean turns the key in the ignition and the engine roars to life. 

"Remind me again why you're single? That's three people in less than twelve hours."

"Well," Cas sighs, "I don't think they'd be overly pleased to find out I'm gay. And besides, it's usually after people get to know me that they turn and run in the other direction."

"I'm still here," he points out, turning back onto the highway.

"I'm paying you, that hardly counts."

"Maybe I'll be the first one to prove you wrong."

"Don't count on it."

❄ ❅ ❆ ❅ ❄

Dean had forgotten how monotonous long-distance driving is. Cas seems happy enough to lean against the door and stare out the window, and Dean's having a hard time keeping his eyes off of him and on the road. He's bored and exhausted, and he has to turn the music up just to keep his mind from drifting back to Cas or, worse, falling asleep. He taps his fingers on the steering wheel and hums along to the music, focusing hard to keep his brain awake.

They stop to grab sandwiches just before lunch, and Dean drinks a large coffee while he's eating and takes another to go. Cas flops back into the passenger seat and Dean slips in next to him, putting his coffee between them in the cupholder. 

It's not until about half an hour later when Dean's coffee is gone, and Cas is making strange rustling sounds that Dean realizes he's been doing a remarkable job of not looking at him. Naturally, he immediately breaks that streak and glances over to him. Cas is hunched over in his seat, writing or- something. 

"What are you doing?"

"Drawing," he says simply.

"You can draw in the car?"

"I draw anywhere Dean, it's kind of my thing." He doesn't look up, but Dean catches a glimpse of a smile. 

"What is it?"

"Uh," Cas stumbles, "um," he makes an odd sound with his throat, and Dean glances back at him.

"What?" he chuckles, "is it dirty?"

Cas huffs at him, but it doesn't have the desired effect with the pink flush tinting his cheeks, "it's you," he grumbles. 

"What?"

"You said that."

"No I mean, you're drawing me?"

"It's a prop," Cas defends, "like in case-"

"No, it's not," Dean says more gently, "can I see it?"

"Do you want to?"

"Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I?" Cas just shrugs, and Dean feels bad for teasing him. "I'm serious man, I'd like to see it. I'd like to see any of your art, to be honest."

"You can see it when it's done," Cas says quietly. 

The next part of their trip goes very, very slowly. Dean can't help but glance over every few seconds to try and catch a glimpse of the elusive picture. Cas becomes protective of his art, covering it with his arm whenever Dean peeks over. It's something of a game; Dean tries to see what Cas is doing, and Cas not-so-gently reminds him that he'd better keep his eyes on the road if they want to make it to his parents' house in one piece. 

When they pick up dinner, Dean tries one last time to see what Cas is drawing, but he's pushed away once again. Cas gives him his credit card, rattles off his order and thanks Dean for going in to grab their food. Dean grumbles about it the whole way in; it's just one little drawing, but he wants so badly to see it. No one's ever drawn him, there are barely even any pictures of him out there past the time that his mom died. 

He gets their food and gets back into the car, setting the paper bags between them, and he leans back against his door. Cas is still bent over his sketchbook, and Dean makes himself be patient, as much as he's dying to see what he's doing. 

"I can feel you staring."

"Sorry," Dean mutters. He grabs a handful of fries and busies himself stuffing his face with them. 

"Your food's gonna get cold," he says after a few minutes.

"I'm not done, and it's dark. If we leave this parking lot I won't be able to finish."

"Can you finish at the hotel?" Cas turns to look at him for the first time in what seems like hours, and Dean retracts. "Okay, fine." He leans back against the seat, resting his head on the back of the seat. He closes his eyes for two seconds, and suddenly he's been shaking awake by a grinning Cas. 

"What's up?" he mutters, his mouth dry. 

"It's done," Cas smiles, "do you want to see?"

"Yeah, yeah," Dean pulls himself up, rubbing his hands over his face. Cas hesitantly passes over his sketchbook and runs his hands down his legs. 

"Eat your dinner," Dean says, and Cas opens his mouth to argue but stops halfway, pulling a paper bag into his lap and rifling through it. 

Dean's fingers twitch against the paper as he takes it in. It's incredible, it's beautiful and yet it's him; he's so ordinary, and yet here he looks extraordinary. 

"Cas, this is- it's beautiful. Is this how you see me?"

Cas just huffs a quiet laugh, "I just work with what's already there."

"Cas, I love this. It's amazing."

"Thank you, but honestly I didn't really do anything. Like I said, I just work with what's in front of me. You were beautiful all along, I just put it down on paper in a way you could see." Dean squirms in his seat, grabbing his burger and biting into it as an excuse not to respond to that. He finishes quickly and starts the car up again. Cas gives him a questioning glance, that looks way too smug for his own good, and Dean steadfastly ignores it. 

It's almost eleven again when they find a decent motel - one that doesn't look like it's infested with bedbugs - and Dean drops Cas off to check them in and head back out to a little 24-hour coffee shop to pick up donuts and tea because he's starving again. When he gets back, Cas is waiting for him just outside the door to their room, an awkward frown on his face. Dean pulls into the parking lot and climbs out of the car, setting the donuts and tea on the roof of the car.

"That's not a good face."

"Not exactly."

"No vacancy?"

"No, no we've got a room. It's just a single. I took it because it's the only thing available, and there's a couch?" he offers hopefully, "I let the guy at the front desk know about the situation so if you want to cancel and keep going-"

"No," Dean shakes his head, "I'm exhausted. I'll sleep on the couch, I don't mind, as long as we don't have to keep driving tonight."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah man, I'm exhausted. I want donuts, I want a shower and I want to go to bed."

"Okay. Do you need a hand with those?"

"I'm good." Cas holds the door open for him, and Dean sets their midnight snack down on the table by the front door. "You can take the shower first, I'm gonna-" he leaves the sentence open-ended because all he wants to do is call Sam, but he doesn't want to tell Cas that. Cas gives him a nod and heads toward the bathroom with his tea. 

Dean grabs his own drink and he ducks out of the room for a minute, leaning against the side of the hotel. He pulls out his phone and shoots off a quick text to Sam.

_**< < Hey, you still awake?** _

He rolls his phone in his hands, not exactly hopeful that Sam's still up at this time, but he wants to talk to someone, and Cas is not the one to talk to. It actually surprises him when his phone buzzes in his hand, and he answers quickly.

"Hey, Sammy, how's it going?"

"Good. You? Is something up?"

"Uh, kind of, yeah. Do you have a few minutes?"

"I'm already up," Sam says, "why not."

"I told you about this Christmas date thing I'm doing? I'm not so sure it's gonna work out."

"Is everything okay? Do you need me to come get you? Dean, if anything-" Trust Sam to overreact about everything. Dean sighs, taking a sip of his tea. 

"Sam, relax, it's nothing like that. I'm fine, everything's fine. I just- I kinda like this guy."

"And that's a problem?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, none of this is supposed to be real. It's supposed to be a week of playing house and then I go home and can actually pay my rent, but Cas isn't what I expected him to be. He's a good guy, and he's too hard on himself." He takes a deep breath and leans back against the building, "I actually like him, Sam."

"Like him how?"

" _Ugh, Sam_. Would I call you if I just wanted to make friends with him? What do you think I'm talking about? I expected to like him; he's fucking hot and he's a good guy, but I wasn't expecting to feel like this. I want to take him out for dinner or go see a movie or fuck, I don't know. I don't want to pretend to be his boyfriend for a week and never see him again."

"Dean, you're single, he's single, forgive me if I don't see the problem here."

"I don't want to make things awkward."

"So, you could tell him, and sure if he doesn't feel the same way, things could be awkward, but then you could talk through them. If you don't, it's going to be awkward for you the entire time, and you're gonna hate yourself for it when you come home alone."

Dean bangs his head back against the wall, " _fuck_."

"You know I'm right."

"I'll think about it," Dean mutters, but he knows it's garbage. "I gotta go though, it's late and we've been on the road for like 17 hours or some shit."

"Alright, you go to sleep. Call me if you need anything. I'll talk to you soon." Dean ends the call and shoves his phone back in his pocket. He sighs and drops down, crouching with his head in his hands. He only gives himself a few minutes to wallow before he pulls himself up and heads back inside. 

Cas is sitting on the bed with the donuts in front of him when Dean walks in, and he waves him over, "donut?" he offers, holding the box out. 

"Thanks," Dean grins, grabbing one out of the box.

"Where were you?"

"Just getting some fresh air, I feel like I've been locked up for days."

Cas chuckles, "why don't you go have a shower? The donuts will still be here when you get out."

"Yeah, alright," Dean pushes himself up off the bed, groaning. 

"Do you think we can talk for a bit before we go to sleep?" Cas asks, and Dean panics terrified that Cas heard something he shouldn't have, "I just want to let you know what to expect tomorrow when we get there, my family can be a little overwhelming to someone who's not used to them."

Dean's whole body relaxes, and he hadn't realized how much he'd tensed up, "right. Yeah for sure. I'll be quick." He grabs another donut on his way to the bathroom and locks the door behind him. 

Deep breath, he reminds himself. Dean turns on the hot water and strips down, stepping under the stream. He weighs his options, and it's pretty clear that if he's going to back out, he has to do it now. If he doesn't, everything that happens from here on in is no one's fault but his own. 

He'd like to stay in the shower all night, thinking about all the things he could do wrong, but he promised Cas he'd be quick, and they still have to have their little chat. Not that he's particularly looking forward to that. How does he always get himself into these situations?

Dean cuts his shower short in favour of finishing his tea and probably the rest of the donuts. He really should have grabbed food at the same time. Cas is just sitting there on his phone, calm as can be with his stupid damp hair falling in his eyes, and Dean takes a deep breath before joining him, pulling himself up onto the bed and sitting cross-legged across from him. 

"Sorry," Cas says, "just texting Mom to figure out who's gonna be there tomorrow."

"Right," Dean agrees, cramming a jelly donut into his mouth to avoid having to comment. 

"Looks like there'll be seven of us to start, assuming they get there before us..." he trails off, gazing at his phone and Dean bumps his knee, pulling him back to reality, and hopefully reminding him that it's late, and Cas isn't the one who has to drive all morning tomorrow.

"Sorry, um. It'll be my parents tomorrow, and my brothers Ezekiel and Bartholomew, plus Bart's wife Naomi. It won't be bad. Gabe's the one you'll have to worry about. And Hannah, because she's... a little overbearing when it comes to anyone having anything to do with me. Gabe is too, but he's less obvious about it."

"Cas," Dean interrupts, "the ones I have to meet tomorrow. Should I be worried about anything?"

"No, not likely. Zeke and Bart are pretty laid back, Naomi's pregnant so she might be a bit grumpy that she can't drink but honestly Dean, she's wonderful. I don't think you'll have any problem with any of them. Maybe Gabe." He smiles brightly, but Dean frowns.

"Who's Gabe, and _why_ am I going to have a problem with him?"

"He's my older brother. I mean, they all are, but Gabe and I were the closest growing up, and he's... he likes practical jokes. A lot. And he likes tormenting me, possibly even more than he likes practical jokes."

"And because I'm with you-"

"Exactly. His wife and daughter will be with him though, so there's that."

"Okay, well, Sam and I have been known to get into some pretty heavy prank wars, I'm sure I could take him." Cas' expression morphs into something adjacent to terror, and Dean chuckles, "I'm kidding, man, I'm not gonna mess up your Christmas." Dean pushes himself up off the bed before Cas has the chance to respond, and grabs the extra bedding off the armchair in the corner. 

"Are you sure you'll be warm enough?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

When one o'clock rolls around and Dean's still wide awake, he's eating his words. Turns out sleeping under a window in the middle of December isn't the best idea after all, and as many times as he turns over or pulls the blankets up over his shoulder, he still can't get warm. He debates having another shower and hoping he falls asleep before he cools off, but he'd probably wake Cas up, and he doesn't need both of them to be grumpy in the morning. 

He rolls over to face the back of the couch and winces as the bed creaks from across the room. Footsteps cross the room, and Dean holds his position, assuming Cas is heading for the bathroom, and not wanting to let on that he's still awake. 

"Get up," comes the rough, sleep-heavy voice right above his shoulder. When exactly did Cas sneak up on him? "Dean, seriously, I'm exhausted, and I can't sleep if you're gonna roll around over here all night. Just come lie down with me."

"Cas-"

"Dean, I don't need whatever your problem is, and I don't need to stay up all night worrying about you, so get up and come to bed with me." Dean is never one to argue with a grumpy, sleepy person - having many years' experience with Sam - and he gets up sheepishly, trailing after Cas toward the bed. He crawls under the blankets and shifts a little closer to the edge, ignoring the displeased grunt from behind him.

"Can I ask you something?" Cas mumbles, and Dean rolls onto his back to face him.

"What?"

"Are you straight?"

"Am I- _what_?"

"Are you straight? I never asked, and then there were those girls, and _this_ , and I feel kind of like an idiot because-"

"I'm not," Dean says, a little more loudly than he was expecting, then a little softer, "I'm not straight, though I have to say, that's the first time that anyone's thought _that_ was a problem."

Cas half-smiles at him, "sorry."

"Go to sleep, Cas. We're gonna feel like shit in the morning."

"Goodnight, Dean."


	3. Chapter 3

Dean does, in fact, feel like absolute shit when he wakes up, but the heavy weight of Cas' body against him helps to ease the suffering. His head is throbbing, and his mouth is dry but he doesn't move; he gives himself a few minutes to bask in the warmth of Cas' breath on his neck, and the fact that this is the first time in years that he hasn't woken up alone, and then he shuffles out from under his arm as quietly as he can, and slides out of bed. He crosses to the bathroom and splashes water on his face to wake himself up. It's cold and it makes the rest of him cold, but he has no business stealing Cas' warmth in the first place. 

When he's awake enough and his teeth and hair are brushed, he sneaks back into the bedroom. Cas is still asleep, his face pressed into his pillow and Dean grins to himself. He scribbles a note on the memo pad by the room phone and sticks it on Cas' bedside table before sneaking out of the room. It's five am, so nothing's going to be open but gas stations and 24-hour stores, but shitty coffee is better than no coffee. He decides on the same place they stopped at the night before, it's out of the way, but he can grab breakfast there that won't be cold or 80% grease. 

He puts the radio on as he heads back to the motel because it seems oddly quiet in the car without Cas next to him, and he doesn't like the things that implies, so he tunes it out. Today, it seems to be 80s hits. Love songs, if the first one to play is anything to go by. Sam would absolutely never let him live it down if he caught him listening to Foreigner's _I Want to Know What Love Is_ , but it's about four hours before he should actually be out of bed, he's had maximum four hours sleep and no coffee. He deserves a pass on this one. 

When he gets back to the room, Cas is up and packing, although he looks like he just crawled out of a bush. Dean nods in greeting, taking a swig ofhis coffee and passing the other to Cas. It tastes like shit, but it's got so much espresso in it that it should keep him going at least long enough to meet Cas' family before he crashes and passes out standing up. 

"Thanks," Cas mumbles, "you pick up breakfast?"

"Yep. It's in the car." He doesn't mention the fact that he's down to his last ten bucks, but he figures that's not important at this particular juncture. 

Between the two of them, they get packed up in less than half an hour and they're back in the car again before six. It's a four hour drive to the border, and then another hour to the Novaks' house, so if they keep on schedule they should be there by eleven. 

The first four hours flies by, and Dean's certain it's because he's dreading the moment when he actually gets to the house. It's too late to back out now, and this is his own fault. He reminds himself that he's doing this for the money, but that almost makes him feel worse. 

When they get to the border, the wait is atrocious, and Cas can't figure out why Dean's so happy to wait for an hour or more. As it turns out though, the situation that was holding them up is diffused much more quickly than expected, and they get through in less than twenty minutes. Dean curses the border agents and swears never to come back to Canada again. 

He's antsy driving through the city, and he blames it on the traffic when Cas asks, but he's secretly hoping they'll get a flat or there'll be a landslide or somethign and they won't be able to get to the house. Unfortunately for Dean, the rest of the drive goes perfectly well, despite the fact that it starts to snow about half an hour before they arrive. 

Cas directs him down a long, mostly empty road, then there's a turn off on the right and then they're there. The house is huge and it looms over them as Dean pulls up the long driveway. His heart is pounding in his chest, and he has to wonder if he'd be this nervous if this whole thing wasn't a sham, and he was actually meeting his boyfriend's parents for the first time. Probably not.

He stops the car and doesn't move for a minute, but Cas grabs his hand, pulling him back to reality, and he opens his door and climbs out. They gather up all their things and walk up the front steps to the door. Cas rings the bell, and Dean tries really hard not to throw up as Cas pushes the door open. 

There are people in the room to their left - the living room, by the looks of it - and Dean has about fiv seconds before they're all piling into the hall to see them. 

"Cas!" someone exclaims, and an older woman pushes her way to the front of the crowd, wrapping her arms around Cas' shoulders, "oh sweetie, it's so good to see you, and you must be Dean," she turns on him, and Dean smiles reflexively before he's tugged into a firm hug. "We're so glad to finally meet you."

"Dean, this is my mom, Gail," Cas grins, "Dad, Chuck, in the back," a hand raises and waves, "my brother Bartholomew-"

"Bart," he corrects, holding a hand out to Dean, "it's nice to meet you." 

"And Ezekiel. Zeke."

"Hey, Dean," he smiles, and Dean can't do much more than smile back. 

"Where's Naomi?" Cas frowns, and Bart gestures toward the stairs with his head.

"We had a long drive, she's just resting upstairs. I told her I'd get her when lunch is ready."

"We're just sorting through the ornaments," Cas' dad pipes up, "if you guys want to get yourselves set up and come help?"

"Yeah, sure," Cas smiles, "just give us a little bit, we're running on four hours of sleep."

"Take all the time you need boys," Gail smiles, running a hand down Cas' arm, "I'm so glad you both could make it."

"Us too," Dean says, "Cas has been telling me how excited he is to come up and see everyone." 

They stay and chat for a few more minutes before Cas' mom all but pushes them upstairs, and Cas shows Dean where they'll be sleeping. He's overwhelmed, his head is still pounding and he just wants to lie down, but when Cas closes the bedroom door behind them, he can't help but smile. He just looks so fucking happy, and in this moment, Dean is prepared to do anything to make sure he stays that way. 

"You okay?" Cas asks, and Dean nods.

"Yeah, just a little, overwhelmed, I guess."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. They're all so happy to see you."

"You don't sound happy," Cas notes.

"It's not that, I'm just not used to having so many people around me who are all excited and happy to see me, even if it's only because I'm here with you."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, when we were kids we did Christmas stuff, but after mom died we just... stopped. I don't have a family anymore." Cas opens his mouth to speak, but Dean stops him, "don't feel bad, I've had a long time to adjust to it, it's just that this whole thing was a little surprising. That's all."

Cas runs a hand down his arm, smiling at him, "it'll be okay. I'll be right here with you. You're not in prison, if you need to get away at any time, for any reason, just let me know or just go hang out in our room for a while."

"You want to go head back down?"

"Let's just get unpacked and go from there."

❄ ❅ ❆ ❅ ❄

Half an hour later finds Dean sitting on the living room floor with a box of Christmas lights in front of him, and Cas beside him. Chuck and Gail are in the kitchen getting lunch ready for everyone, and the rest of them are organizing decorations; even Naomi has come down to join them, and she's got a string of lights stretching over her own lap and Bartholomew's.

Dean is having much less luck, and Cas seems to find it highly amusing. It's not his fault, though, he did tell Cas he had no experience with this stuff. Cas is babbling on next to him about their family traditions; they wait until all of them are there to decorate, and up until that point, the rest of them get the ornaments sorted and make some sort of plan of attack. Dean hates the lights, but he likes being included so he doesn't complain. He'd complain a little less though if he could tell where one goddamn string of lights starts and the other ends. 

Up above them, Ezekiel has pulled an armchair over next to the couch and he and Bart are coming up with some sort of decorating scheme while Bart helps his wife untangle lights. The only sounds are the faint murmur of voices as they brothers talk amongst themselves and the click clack of the lights hitting each other, broken only by Cas' incessant twitching and shifting. 

"What's up?" Dean asks.

"Do you mind if I go help with lunch? Are you okay in here?"

"Yeah, Cas, I'll be fine."

Dean continues with his lights, coiling the newly untangled strings up and tying them so they don't end up in a mess again. After a little while Bart disappears into the kitchen and Zeke comes down to help him, and together they get the entire box of light sorted out in just under an hour. Dean doesn't even realize how long it's been until he looks at the clock. 

"Cas says you drive a pretty nice car?"

"Yeah, it's a '67 Impala, I inherited it from my dad."

"Nice, I used to drive a Mustang back in highschool, but it quit on me and I didn't have the money at the time to fix it up again."

"Damn, that sucks."

"Yeah, Cas used to love that car. He used to borrow it to impress people. It worked better for him than it ever did for me." Dean resists the urge to point out that Cas is the most beautiful person he's ever seen, and just smiles at him. Besides, it's not like Zeke is anything to balk at either. 

Their conversation is cut short by the doorbell, and a tall dark-haired man walks through the front door, peering into the living room.

"Anyone home?"

"Hey!" comes Chuck's voice from the kitchen, and there's a flurry of movement and everyone is suddenly back in the hallway and Dean's been swept up with them. Dean's pushed up against the tall guy and he smiles.

"I'm Michael, and you are?"

"Cas' boyfriend," Zeke puts in.

"Dean Winchester." 

Michael's face crunches up, and Dean's afraid he's been caught already, but then he asks, "Do you have a brother in California?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"Okay, okay," comes a voice from somewhere behind him, "move it along." A woman appears from behind him, physically pushing him forward out of the crowd.

"Hey Dean, it's good to meet you," she beams, "I'm Anna."

"My wife," Michael adds, "and my brother somewhere in the back there. Balthazar?"

"I'm here," he calls back, pushing through the door. He has even more shit with him than Dean, and suddenly Dean doesn't feel so bad about overpacking. "Did I hear correctly? Cassie has a boyfriend?" 

Cas groans audibly somewhere from behind him, and Dean turns as he pushes through the crowd, "that'd be me."

"Well then," Balthazar grins, "it's about time you brought someone home with you Cas."

"Hilarious, Balthazar," Cas rolls his eyes, reaching forward to pull his brother into a hug, "you need a hand with your bags?"

"If you don't mind." Cas disappears up the stairs with Balthazar and Dean follows Michael and Anna into the living room, taking his place back on the floor amongst all the boxes of ornaments. 

"You guys aren't staying here?" Dean asks, lookign up at the two newcomers.

"No," Anna repilies, "we live in the city. Zeke's staying with us because he and Michael won't kill each other if they're in the same room for more than five minutes. I don't think I can say the same thing abotu Mike and Balth, or Gabriel most of the time. Brothers, y'know?"

"I know," Dean agrees, "speaking of brothers, you mentioned knowing Sam?"

"Not well, I'm afraid, but I met him last summer. We have a friend in common, as it turns out. I spent a few years in Palo Alto when I was younger and I lived in the same buikding as Jessica. She introduced me to Sam."

"Small world," Dean grins.

"That it is."

Dean turns back to the decorations, and Anna joins him on the floor a few minutes later, but their chat is interrupted when Gail pops her head around the corner and announces that lunch is ready. They manage to fit everyone around the dining room table, and Dean is frankly surprised. He's also never seen so much food in his life. 

It's a little weird at first, because with everynoe sitting down in one place, he becomes the center of attention, and it's not something he's used to, and frankly, not somethign he's overly fond of either. 

"So what about your family?" Gail asks, "what are they doing for th holidays?" 

Out of the corner of his eye, he notices Cas gesture to his mom, but it's too late. Dean puts a hand on his knee, and when Cas turns to face him, he shakes his head softly. 

"They're actually not around," Dean starts, keeping his gaze down to avoid the inevitable looks of sympathy, "I never really had much extended family because both my parents were only children, and then when they passed, it was just me and my brother."

"I'm sorry," Gail sighs.

"Don't be," Dean shrugs, "it all happened such a long time ago, and I've still got Sam."

"And now you've got us," Naomi grins at him, and his heart sinks a little, but he does his best not to let it show. 

"Mike said your brother lives in California?" Anna asks.

"Yeah, he's at Stanford. I'm so proud of him, but it sucks having him so far away."

"Tell me about it," Balthazar chimes in, and Michael huffs a laugh from across the table. 

"At least he's still in the same country, Balthazar was exiled-"

"I wasn't _exiled_ ," Balthazar defends, "I went to a boarding school. The same one Dad went to, thank you very much." Michael shrugs, and Anna nudges him with her shoulder, scowling at him. 

"You went to a boaring school so you and Michael didn't kill each other," Zeke puts in, and Anna's quick to nod.

"And not much has changed since."

Michael gives her a mock-offended frown, but she shrugs, and carries on eating her dinner. Dean wants to ask about the accent, because surely going to a boarding school as a child doesn't leave that much of an impression, but he doesn't know whether he should bring it up or not, so he just sists and eats quietly. 

"Besides," Balthazar adds, "if it was exile, I wouldn't have stayed."

The bickering continues through most of the meal, but it's lighthearted and the rest of the family seems to be used to it by now. 

Everything slows down after lunch; most of the ornaments are sorted and Zeke and Bart are keeping their plan to themselves until it's time to decorate, so the rest of them just sit around and talk. Seating is limited, so Dean finds himself squished into an armchair next to Cas, and if he's honest, he's not exactly put out by the situation. 

They talk for hours about past Christmases and the last time who saw who, and Dean feigns exhaustion to avoid being part of it. He listens, and replies when spoken to, but when it comes to family get togethers, it's not like he has a bunch of stories to call on. 

Gail orders pizza for dinner, and they all sit down and eat together. She asks a million questions, though nothing more about Dean's family, and he's happy to answer them, for the most part. He manages to dodge any realtionship questions for the time being, which is for the best, because he's too tired to keep their story straight right now, and he doesn't want to go and blow this for Cas the first night they're here. 

He and Cas slip off to bed not long after dinner. It's been a long day for both of them, and Dean's dead on his feet. He strips down to his boxers and plops down onto the bed without getting changed. Cas finds him there a few minutes later, almost asleep, and Dean just shuffles over and makes space for Cas to climb over and lie down next to him. 

"They love you," Cas grins, and Dean can't help the sleepy smile that crosses his face. "Thank you, Dean." He doesn't reply, but when Cas shifts closer to him, Dean closes the gap, pressing his back up against Cas' chest.


	4. Chapter 4

Dean wakes up just after six the next morning and grumbles at the clock when he realizes what time it is. His eyes are sore, but Cas is wrapped around him, and exactly nothing is going to get him out of bed before at least ten o'clock. He rolls over in Cas' arms, tucking his head under his chin. The room is dark, and the bed is soft and warm, and Dean falls back asleep easily, listening to the rhythm of Cas' breath.

The next time he wakes up, it's because someone is banging on their bedroom door. Cas is grumbling next to him, and he catches the word _Gabriel_ before the blankets are pulled up over his head. 

"Pretend you're dead," Cas deadpans, "like a possum."

"Will that help?" Dean mumbles. 

"Not at all."

"You two had better not be fucking 'cause I'm comin' in." There's barely ten seconds between the announcement and the door being pushed open, but Dean manages to roll over and catch a glimpse of Cas' expression, stuck between apologetic and overjoyed, before the blankets are torn away, despite both of their best efforts. Dean immediately wishes he hadn't been too lazy to put pajamas on the night before. Then again, Cas didn't either, so at least it's even.

When he looks up, there's a short man standing in the middle of the room looking incredibly pleased with himself. 

"Cassie!" he exclaims, holding his arms out wide. Cas sighs and crawls out of bed, crossing the room to pull the man into a hug.

"I hate you," he mutters, but Dean catches the grin on his face as he says it.

"Love you too, bro," Gabriel says, stepping back, "you gonna introduce me?"

"I would have if I'd been given the chance," Cas cocks an eyebrow at his brother, and Gabriel just shrugs.

"What was I gonna do? _Wait_ for you? I don't think so, you would sleep all day if I let you."

Cas huffs a sleepy laugh, Gabe, this is my boyfriend, Dean. Dean, I think I pre-warned you about Gabriel."

"Rude."

"Fair," Cas argues. 

"Nice to meet you, Dean-O, you guys coming down to eat? Kali's downstairs with Hannah and Hael, and I'm sure they're all dying to meet you too." Cas' grin widens a little at the name Hannah, and he looks back at Dean.

"Yeah, give us a couple minutes to get dressed and we'll be right down." 

Dean rolls onto his back, but he doesn't miss Gabriel's wink as he leaves the room. Cas shuts the door on him, and returns to bed, flopping down next to Dean.

"Sorry," he mumbles, "I told you Gabe was the one to watch out for."

"You did. He's something else."

"You're telling me," Cas yawns. "Come on, let's get dressed, I want you to meet Hannah."

There are three new faces at the kitchen table when they get down, and Cas introduces him to his sister Hael, sister-in-law Kali and her and Gabriel's daughter Aislinn. Dean sits in the empty chair next to Hael and Cas goes off to grab them both coffee, and presumably, to find Hannah. 

Every time he's spoken about his family, her name always comes up, and despite the warnings about Gabriel, Hannah is the one Dean is most anxious about meeting. Obviously, she's very important to Cas, and that's what Dean's worried about. He doesn't want her to think he's not good enough, or just to not like him in general, and he really, _really_ doesn't want her to find out that he's faking his relationship with Cas. 

When Cas returns, he has coffee, and he's followed by a woman slightly shorter than him with wavy dark hair that reaches down to her shoulder. This, he assumes, must be Hannah. She smiles when she sees him, and Cas looks absolutely delighted. 

"Dean, this is my sister, Hannah."

"Hey, Dean," she smiles, "Cas has been telling me all about you, I'm glad I finally get to meet you." Dean stands up and she pulls him into a warm hug. Over her shoulder, he lifts an eyebrow at Cas, who's looking a little sheepish and is pretending not to have heard. 

"Me too. The entire way up her it was all Hannah this and Hannah that."

She rolls her eyes fondly, "that sounds like Cas. I'd like to have a chance to talk to you, one on one at some point if that's alright with you?"

"Yeah, for sure," Dean grins. He turns to Cas, and Cas looks at him hopefully. "Sounds great," he adds, taking a sip of his coffee. Hannah excuses herself to grab breakfast, leaving Dean to Cas, and he doesn't quite know what to do with himself. "Can we talk?" he asks, and Cas nods, holding a hand out to him. 

Dean takes his hand and lets Cas lead him into the hall, taking a seat on the stairs with Cas standing over him. 

"Should I be worried about that?"

"Not at all. I mean she probably wants to know what your intentions with me are, but other than that you should be fine." Cas winks at him, and yeah, that's not encouraging in the least. 

"So what are we up to today?"

"Once everyone's here, we're heading out to get a Christmas tree."

"Where?"

"Christmas tree farm?" Cas says like it should be obvious.

"A what?"

"A Christmas tree farm," Cas repeats, and now he's the one who sounds confused. "You go there and pick out a tree and cut it down."

"Oh. I've never-"

Cas winces a little, "right. I'm sorry, I forget sometimes that this isn't something you do every year."

"Don't worry about it. I knew what I signed up for," he stops himself, realizing what he's saying and scooches over so Cas can sit next to him and leans into him. 

"Come on," Cas rubs his knee, "let's get something to eat and get ready to head out." Dean nods and lets Cas pull him up off the stairs and lead him back into the kitchen. 

There's french toast and hashbrowns and bacon, more food than you would find at a hotel buffet, and Dean wonders if Cas' family ever do anything other than cook.

❄ ❅ ❆ ❅ ❄

Dean's nervous about the whole tree thing. He has no idea what he's getting into, and his plan is to stick as close as he can to Cas and just go along with anything anyone says. He's pretty sure Cas isn't going to push him into anything he's uncomfortable with, so he should be okay as long as he doesn't put himself out there. The one reprieve is that they're driving there on their own, so the only people he has to be alone with are Cas and Hannah, and the rule of thumb seems to be as long as Cas is happy, Hannah is happy.

When they get to the farm, it looks just like that; a Christmas tree farm. There are rows and rows of pine trees spreading out for miles and in the middle a small wooden building that looks a little like a lake cabin. Dean pulls up behind Bartholomew's SUV, and he hesitates before opening the door. Cas climbs out easily with Hannah at his side, and Dean's heart sinks. He doesn't belong here, with these people, pretending to be a part of their family; he belongs in his shitty ass apartment eating burnt ravioli because he can't even keep his life together for one goddamn day. 

He wonders if he's done enough; if he can get away with faking sick or something, and just go home. He won't ask Cas to pay him, and he'll just leave him alone for the rest of his life, because honestly, that's what would be best for the both of them. Warm pressure pulls him from his thoughts as Cas' hand slips into his, and he looks down to their entwined fingers and back up at Cas. Hannah's a couple steps ahead of them, and Dean sighs pulling up the most enthusiastic smile he can muster, and he walks with Cas toward the door. 

Everyone else is waiting inside, and Dean sticks to Cas' side. When they're all confined in a small space like this, Cas' family looks huge, and the guy behind the counter looks a little overwhelmed; Dean doesn't blame him. 

Michael's talking to him, and Dean can't hear what they're saying, but then Mike and Bart are both laughing and the guy stands up and gestures to the door on the side of the building. Bart thanks him, and heads out the door, and the rest of them just kind of trail after him. Cas squeezes his hand and tugs him forward, and Dean goes blindly.

"Come on, it's fun," Cas assures him, and as much as he feels like the black sheep in this situation, he trusts Cas. Before they even get out the door, someone's yelling, and someone else is howling with laughter, and Dean has to take a deep breath and steady himself. 

"I don't belong here," he mutters, and Cas drops his hand. It tugs at his heart a little, which he wasn't prepared for, but he deserves it, and he's ready to go back and wait in the car, only Cas stops him.

"You do belong here," Cas says, and he sounds so damn earnest that Dean's ready to believe him again, "I invited you, and even if it's under false pretense, they like you, Dean. Michael is blown away by the fact that I'm dating the brother of some law student he met once in his life, and I've never seen him get so excited over something so trivial. Hannah wants to get to know you," he adds, a little more solemnly, "and as much as that is a stupid idea, I'm inclined to let her. Do you know why?"

"I have no idea, Cas."

"Because I like you too. Honestly? I didn't expect to, no offense."

"None taken. There's not much about me to like, honestly."

"That's because you look at yourself in terms of money," Cas says. Dean frowns at him, but he continues, "you live in a bachelor suite, so you're not as important as your neighbour who lives in a townhouse. You're only a mechanic, so you're not as good as the people you talk to on a daily basis because they make more money than you."

Dean wants to argue, but honestly, he's pretty much got it spot on, other than Dean being wrong about the whole thing because that's kinds how society works; you have money, you're good, you don't have money, too bad you're on your own.

"What's your point?"

"You're wrong, that's my point."

"O-okay? Then if I'm so wrong, why did you not expect to like me?"

"Because you were the only person who answered my ad; I didn't get to choose you. What are the chances of someone finding someone on the street and actually genuinely liking them?" Dean thinks about it for a second, and he knows Cas has got him on that because he thought the same thing about him before he met him.

"That's a fair point," he concedes, "I wasn't expecting to like you either, to be honest. I thought you might be some sort of socially inept nerd until I saw you."

Cas laughs, "don't tell Balthazar that, he'll probably agree with you." He wraps an arm around Dean's shoulders and nudges him forwards. Dean goes with him, because the whole point of this venture is to make Cas happy, and they can talk about Dean's feelings surrounding the whole thing when his family's not five feet away arguing about Christmas trees. 

"Okay," he sighs. He hates the way Cas can just make him feel better about something just by talking to him for ten seconds. He hates it even more when he remembers it's temporary. 

When they catch up with Hannah, she and Gabriel are trying to convince Michael that they don't need a tree taller than six feet. 

"That's because you're short," Michael smirks at Gabriel, and Hannah scoffs at him. 

"Cas?" Hannah grins, obviously expecting his support, but Cas shifts slightly over to stand beside his brother.

"Michael has a point. I don't want a tree that's shorter than me."

"And the majority of the family is taller than you," Michael shrugs.

Gabriel just rolls his eyes, "you always put up the outside lights anyways, what do you care what the tree looks like?"

"Because I have to look at it." 

There's a loud shriek from somewhere off in the distance, and Gabriel smiles, "well, it looks like we might all be wrong." He sets off in the sound of the shriek - "Aislinn, probably," Cas explains - and the four of them follow after him. 

The source of the sound is indeed Aislinn and she's found a tree that's a good foot taller than the ceiling in the living room, but when she turns and shows it to everyone, grinning from ear to ear, no one is about to tell her no. Kali is looking up at it like she doesn't know how they're going to get it into the house, which is a fair concern considering it's also at least five feet wide, but her daughter is still grinning madly at it. 

Ezekiel grabs the axe without question, and Michael scoops Aislinn up to keep her out of the way. Bart steps in to steady the tree and it comes down remarkably quickly. Dean was expecting it to take longer, but he probably shouldn't be surprised considering Cas told him they do this every year. It takes four of them to carry the tree, and Hael has to climb onto the van to hold it in place as the others tie it down. 

Dean has to pull out first, and he regrets being so slow to get there because his plan was to just follow whoever was in front of him home. Instead, Cas takes over as navigator, guiding him out of the heaviest traffic so it doesn't take them all day to get home. He gets the sense that Hannah's keeping an eye on him, and when he glances up into the rearview mirror, she's smiling at him. When they arrive back at the house, she steals Cas away, and it only solidifies Dean's theory that she knows something he doesn't. 

To distract himself, he offers his help hauling in the tree, and then when they get it inside, he helps Anna and Zeke get it in its stand. Cas reappears in time for Gail to call them all in for lunch, and he watches as they finish tightening the tree stand. He's smiling when Dean looks up, but he looks a little sad, and Dean wonders if he's done something wrong.

"Everything okay?" he asks, and Cas nods. 

Once again, there's food everywhere when he goes into the dining room. It's all set up buffet style in the dining room, so they grab their food and everyone finds a place to sit and eat. 

"We're decorating after lunch," Cas says, stealing a pickle off of Dean's plate, "I volunteered us to stay inside. Unless you want to climb on the house with Zeke. He does seem to like you."

"I'm better on the ground," Dean agrees, "what are we doing?"

"Stuff?" Cas shrugs, "Anna, Hael, and Kali are doing the tree, so we're probably doing indoor lights and garlands. Unless Gabe and Balth are doing that, but they usually just vanish while we're decorating, and no one bothers to ask about them."

Dean gives him a questioning look, but Cas just shrugs, "it's Gabe and Balth. We're probably better off not knowing what they're doing anyway." 

They end up taking forever eating lunch because Dean's starving and then he eats too much, so they spend a good ten minutes just lying on the couch and doing nothing so Dean can digest his food. He would be more bothered by the people moving about around him if Cas hadn't pulled his head into his lap and started running his fingers through his hair. 

When Cas gets impatient and pushes him up, Dean grumbles but he lets Cas have his way, and he gets up with him. Anna and Hael are sorting through the tree decorations, setting anything breakable in a separate box and putting that one on top of the piano where small hands can't reach it. Kali's doing her best to keep Aislinn in check, but the toddler is more and more enthusiastic about every new thing she sees. She's adorable, and Cas smiles this ridiculous little smile every time she grabs something and takes off running. Yeah, staying inside was clearly a good decision. 

They start with garland, and Dean is shocked to find there are four boxes of the stuff. Cas points out where it goes around the edge of the living room and dining room, and where it hangs in the archway between the two rooms. Okay, so he can see why there's so much of it. 

"It also goes in the hall," Hannah adds, "up the banister and around the doorway into the kitchen."

"Okay, so where do we start?" Dean asks. Cas hands him a string of lights and a length of garland.

"Just wrap the lights around and we'll connect them all as we put them up."

Dean nods and sets to it, but getting the lights to wrap nicely around the piney garland is harder than expected, like putting up a Christmas tree; it seems like it's going to go well, and then every tiny little branch gets in the way. When he does manage to get the lights placed correctly, the string is longer than the garland, so he and Hannah put theirs together. 

"This isn't gonna work," Dean points out, and Cas wrinkles his nose at him.

"How come?"

"We have to start putting them up because the lights are longer than the pieces of garland." 

Five minutes later finds Dean standing on a chair because he's the tallest and therefore closest to the ceiling. He screws the first hook in and wraps the end of the garland around as Hannah passes one end up to him. Dean screws in the next hook and drapes the garland through it, but when he turns to Cas to get the second string of lights but Cas is preoccupied trying to keep Aislinn out of the box of lights. He manages to catch her in one arm and scoop her up as he passes the end of the lights up to Dean. He grins apologetically, and Dean stretches back up to adjust the lights. 

Hanging garland turns out to be the best thing Dean's done the whole time he's been in Vancouver. They don't even get halfway around the living room before Dean's doubled over, laughing so hard he's about to fall off his chair. It takes them way longer than it should just to get the garlands up, and then they have to move into the dining room and hallway to finish. 

At least by the time they get to the hall, Dean can leave the chair behind. He coils the garland around the railing, and Cas follows behind him with the lights while Hannah debates with Anna which ornaments belong to who. In the meantime, Dean sits back on the stairs, watching the others working on the tree. He looks up at Cas, but Cas is obviously distracted by whatever's going on in the living room, and he doesn't notice. 

Dean's distracted, watching Cas keep Aislinn occupied when Hannah calls them back into the living room. He pushes himself up off the stairs and crosses back into the living room where Cas and Hannah are standing under the arch. 

Hannah beams when she sees him, and Dean looks to Cas for an answer but gets nothing. Whatever she's so excited about, she's clearly keeping to herself. 

"What's up?" Dean asks, and she tugs him forward.

"Mistletoe." 

Dean opens his mouth to protest, but when he glances up, he realizes he's been set up. Right in the center of the garland is a ball of mistletoe, and Cas is shifting uncomfortably beneath it, scowling at his sister. Hannah gives him a little nudge, and Dean stumbles forward into Cas' chest.

"Sorry," he mumbles. Cas just nods, his focus elsewhere. 

"Come on Cas, aren't you gonna kiss him," Hannah grins, and Dean realizes why Cas isn't paying attention to him. 

"I-" Cas starts, but then he turns to meet Dean's gaze, and he falls silent. There's a moment of complete stillness in which Dean has the opportunity to run, but then Cas inches forward and he's lost his chance. Cas is gonna kiss him if he doesn't move, and as far as everyone else in this room is concerned, that's not something new, but Dean very nearly forgets how to breathe. 

Cas closes the space between them, and it feels like they're in slow motion; Dean experiences every goddamn second of it. When Cas' forehead bumps against his, he shuts his eyes instinctively and tries to keep his breathing even, but his heart is hammering in his chest, and the blood rushing through his ears is so loud it's a miracle no one else can hear it. 

Cas' nose bumps against his cheek and his lips are right there, and Dean can feel the soft puffs of breath against his skin. If he wasn't so terrified, he would lean in right there and- _oh_. Cas' lips are soft when they press against his own, but they spark something deep inside him that's fire and urgency, and Dean freezes for fear of doing something incredibly stupid. 

His world stands still for a few brief seconds, and then Cas' mouth moves against his own, and heat engulfs his entire body, creeping up the back of his neck. Cas presses forward until they're practically touching and then, just when Dean thinks he's going to pull away, he surges forward again, parting his lips and deepening the kiss. 

It's all Dean can do to keep himself grounded, and before he can think better of it, he grabs the flaps of Cas' shirt, tugging him closer. Cas' arms wind around his waist, his hands sliding low before someone pointedly clears their throat from behind them, and Dean suddenly remembers that they're not alone. They pull apart immediately, and Dean can't bring himself to look at Cas, but when he meets Hannah's gaze, she's grinning from ear to ear and looks altogether too pleased with herself. 

"That was... something," she says. 

_Yeah_ , Dean thinks, _it definitely was_. He's still reeling when Cas hands him a box of decorations, and Dean sheepishly takes them into the hall and starts at the top of the stairs. It's a good thing putting baubles on garland doesn't take very much effort because he's relying on muscle memory only. His entire brain is currently still occupied with the memory of the kiss playing on repeat in his head. It has to be obvious to Hannah, that it wasn't just a normal kiss, there's no way she could believe that, and honestly? neither does Dean. 

It's not like he knows Cas' kissing habits, but no one kisses like that to satisfy a meddling sibling. Especially when it's basically a stranger you're kissing. If Dean was a braver person, he would confront Cas about it, but then again, he's not exactly innocent himself and Cas hasn't mentioned anything to him, so maybe he's just overthinking. 

He agonizes over it for the next twenty minutes, and then he goes back into the living room and acts like everything's normal because boyfriends don't freak out about kissing each other.

By the time they're done, the girls are just about done the tree, and Aislinn is preoccupied in the corner with a couple of plastic ornaments. Dean flops down on the couch and Cas joins him, watching them put the last finishing touches on the tree. Cas sits a little further away than he has been, and Dean's pretty sure it's because of the kiss, but he can't exactly bring it up in a room full of people who think they're dating. Instead, he lets Cas have his space, and helps Hannah picks up all the little bits that have fallen off the garlands.

❄ ❅ ❆ ❅ ❄

Dinner that night is Chinese food because no one wants to cook, and Dean can hardly blame them after the last few meals. There's still more food than he knows what to do with, and Dean tries a little bit of everything. When they're done, he offers to do the dishes because lord knows these people have already done enough for him. Gail tells him he's a guest, but Dean insists, and she gives Cas the most delighted look as she walks away to join the rest of her family in the living room. If Cas has anything to say about it, he doesn't get a chance because Anna walks into the kitchen and bumps him out of the way.

"Hey, Dean you need a hand?" she asks. 

"It's alright," he assures her, but the look on her face says she's not giving up. "Uh, yeah, yeah that'd be awesome."

Anna flashes him a quick smile and turns on Cas, "you go sit down, we'll be out in a few minutes. I think Chuck's putting on a movie or something."

"Don't you need a hand?"

"Go," Anna laughs, "we'll be fine in here. I'll take good care of Dean." Cas relents, and Anna joins Dean next to the sink. "You wanna wash or dry?"

"I'll dry." 

While he's waiting for Anna to start washing dishes, he sets himself to clearing the table and putting away all the leftover food. She helps him pack everything into the fridge and then backs off to start the dishes. 

"So," she starts, and Dean should have known this wasn't going to be just dishes. "How was your first day?"

"It was good," Dean says, and it's not a lie; an understatement, maybe, but also an exaggeration. Everything to do with the family is amazing; he's not sure if it's just because it's been so long that he's gone without having a family of his own, but he loves being around all these people who actually care about him, and are interested in him. On the other hand, the guilt is eating away at him because he genuinely likes Cas' family, but it's all a lie. It must show on his face because Anna turns and gives him a look that's not dissimilar to Sam's don't-lie-to-me face. 

"I only ask because you seemed a little uncomfortable earlier."

Okay, yeah, she's got a point. 

"I was just a little overwhelmed."

"Yeah, I get that. I was the newbie before Cas brought you along, I know what it's like to suddenly have the Novak family thrust upon you." She smiles, and Dean is so, so glad he accepted her help with the dishes. 

"Yeah, they're pretty enthusiastic."

"You have to understand, Cas has never _ever_ brought anyone home for Christmas. I think we met one guy he dated once, and even then I wasn't convinced. I'm pretty sure he was just a friend. They're just really happy for him. Plus, you have the added bonus of dating one of the twins."

"Yeah," Dean agrees, exhaling.

"Hannah's great, and honestly, I'm impressed that she's taken to you so quickly, I think she's more protective of Cas than Gail is."

"I noticed," Dean nods, "I like Hannah," but he can't help the nagging feeling that he doesn't belong here. He doesn't want to hear that Hannah likes him, and approves of him, and he doesn't want Anna trying to make sure he's feeling okay. He deserves to feel bad because he's lying and he's intruding in their house. 

"Is everything okay with you and Cas?" And what a fucking question that is. How is he supposed to answer that? Yeah, it's great, I actually think I'm falling for him, but he's just paying me because he doesn't think he's as good as any of you. Yeah, that's definitely it. 

"He just seems a little off." Anna continues, and Dean realizes he's been drying the same glass for almost a minute, "Kind of sad, y'know?"

"I haven't really noticed, I'll talk to him tonight."

❄ ❅ ❆ ❅ ❄

Talking to Cas proves more difficult than expected. When he and Anna have finished the dishes, they join the rest of the family in the living room, and Cas catches him immediately, tugging him down to sit on the couch between him and Hael. He's definitely more relaxed than he was before, even throwing an arm around Dean's shoulders. Cas pulls him into his side, and Dean can't bring himself to pull away; he can talk to Cas when they head to bed.

He spends the next hour tucked under Cas' arm, whispering back and forth with him and Hael, and for a little while, he doesn't feel so bad about the whole lying to Cas' whole family thing. When the movie ends, and Anna and Michael head out, the first hints of guilt start to creep back into his mind, and Dean has to work to keep them away as he says goodbye to his new fake-family. Zeke leaves with them, and Gabe and Kali head to bed shortly after that. 

They hold out a little longer, staying to chat with Gail and Chuck, but Dean is antsy, and Cas can obviously tell; he sits a little closer, and makes extra effort to include Dean in anything he can. He appreciates it, and he tries to pay the same courtesy to Cas, but his brain won't shut up, and after half an hour Cas suggests they head up to bed. 

When they get in the room, Dean heads for the bathroom, but Cas intervenes, stopping him before he can get halfway across the room.

"What's wrong?" he asks, and Dean falters. 

"Nothing," he lies, but when he takes another step forward Cas grabs his hand. 

"Dean, I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong."

He feels bad - it seems to be a theme these days - for lying to Cas, but Cas is the one who brought him into this, regardless of Dean's willingness, and he doesn't want to start laying blame. 

"It's nothing," he insists. 

"You're lying to me."

Dean shrugs and drops his arms to his sides, "I'm lying to everyone, Cas, what makes you so damn different?" He regrets the words as soon as he hears them, and he very nearly walks out when Cas' face drops because he can't deal with his sympathy. 

"Is that what's wrong?" Cas asks, only his tone is different this time; less demanding, more concerned. Dean just shakes his head. He wants to get away, but he kind of wants to talk tell him the truth. It sucks, but it might suck a little less if Cas knew what was going on in his head. 

"I don't have a family."

"I know."

"Yeah, I know you know, but you don't know all of it."

"Tell me?" Cas asks, and Dean crosses over to the bed, dropping down and leaning against the headboard. 

"I don't- Sam's all I have. And Jess, but I've only met her maybe six times. I don't have anyone to answer to- there's no one there when I get home... I used to have friends when I was younger but after Dad- no, even before Dad died, I kinda lost myself."

"What do you mean?"

"I had to do a lot of things to keep Sam in school, to make sure he had dinner every night and clean clothes to wear. Dad was a lost cause after Mom died, and I essentially had to take over. Sam was everything, and everything else kind of became background stuff."

Cas sits on the edge of the bed, running his hand over Dean's knee, and Dean just sighs. 

"I had to do a lot of things I'm not proud of, and I lost what few friends I did have because of it. I never told them about Dad or Sam or anything so-" he stops himself with a shrug because he doesn't really want to get into great detail with Cas about what he did to keep him and his brother afloat. 

"They didn't deserve you then."

"See, this is what I mean," Dean bursts, "you and your family are all so willing to just accept me. You don't know anything about me, Cas." He sighs and tips his head back, staring up at the ceiling, "and yet you all welcomed me into your family like there was never any question."

"There wasn't," Cas says, "as far as they're concerned you're my boyfriend-"

"And that's exactly the problem. I'm not. I never will be. I'm going to go home and have all these memories of your amazing family and I'm never going to see them again-" he stops himself before he goes and says something truly stupid, "Cas, I don't like lying to the only people who have treated me like a person, like family. I don't belong here."

"I'm sorry," Cas breathes, and to his credit, he looks genuinely distressed by this confession. It only makes Dean feel worse because that was not at all his intent, but he doesn't say anything. 

"Not your fault."

"It kind of is."

"I never had to call you," Dean argues.

"That's true, and you called a lot." A smile tugs at Cas' lips, and Dean huffs. 

"I kinda did."

"You _really_ did."

"Shut up," Dean mutters, but he can see Cas smirking at him. "What?" He watches as Cas pushes himself fully onto the bed, and shifts closer to him. Cas just looks at him, and Dean's heart starts pounding, and when the hell did he start breathing so quickly? Cas leans in, and Dean shuts his eyes instinctively, but the last thing he's expecting is the warm press of Cas' lips against his own. 

He panics for a second, and then he forgets how to breathe. 

It's so much different than before; this is Cas opening up to him. It's soft and slow, and there's the same swell of heat as Cas' lips part against his own, but it's comforting this time, not demanding. Dean lets himself sink into it, but then as soon as it starts, Cas is sitting back again and Dean doesn't know what to do with his hands.

"What was that?" he asks, and damn, it would help if he didn't sound completely breathless. 

"You were upset," Cas shrugs.

"So you kiss me?" The look on Cas' face says that's clearly not all there is to it, and the subtle pink tinge crawling over his cheeks cements this thought in Dean's mind. 

"I've wanted to do that since the day I met you."

"What?" Dean asks, dumbfounded.

"And I heard you talking to your brother that first night on the road," he shrugs awkwardly, "I didn't mean to, I was coming out to ask if you wanted anything before bed and you just said it- why didn't you tell me, by the way?"

"What, that I like you?" Cas' lips twitch up in a half-smile and Dean just looks at him, "because I didn't want you to be all smug about it," he deadpans. 

"It's not like that," Cas says, but Dean just quirks an eyebrow at him, "I like you too. I'm glad, honestly, that no one else replied to the ad."

"Whatever," Dean mumbles, but Cas is apparently having none of that. 

"Don't," Cas says softly, "look it sucks, I agree with you, I don't like lying to my family either, but it's going to be worse if you're trying to push me away the whole time."

"I'm not," Dean argues, but his heart isn't in it, and he knows Cas is right. 

"Our situation is less than ideal, but I wouldn't trade you for anyone." Dean has to wonder if Cas was paying any attention to him earlier when he flat out told him it's that sort of shit that's making him so uncomfortable, but then Cas is kissing him again, and it suddenly seems small and unimportant. 

It doesn't last for long, and then Cas is pulling back again, and Dean is sorely tempted to drag him back and kiss him breathless. 

"We should get ready for bed," Cas grins, "I have an idea for tomorrow."

Dean wants to protest, to tell Cas that what they're doing now is perfectly fine thank you very much, but his body is tired, and the bed is warm. He relents, pushing himself up off the mattress and heading toward the bathroom. He was going to have a shower, but maybe he'll wait until the morning; the less time he spends doing anything else, the more time he can spend in bed with Cas, and although he doesn't expect anything to come of it, being in bed with Cas sounds much more appealing than being in the shower alone. 

He settles for brushing his teeth and changing out of his clothes before climbing into bed. Cas joins him shortly, stretching out on his back, and Dean wants desperately to curl up beside him, but his restraint is stronger than that. They lie side by side in silence for what must be close to fifteen minutes before Cas speaks. His eyes are closed, and Dean had thought he was asleep, but the soft _come here_ , is deafening in the quiet room. 

Dean moves closer, turning onto his side, and Cas' arm wraps around his shoulder, his fingertips brushing the exposed skin of his arm. Cas doesn't move, but when Dean opens his eyes, he could swear there's a smile on his face.


	5. Chapter 5

Every time Dean opts out of a shower before bed, he regrets it. Every goddamn time, and yet he never learns. This morning is no different; he's standing blearily in the center of the room, and Cas is moving about around him, though not much more awake. They've developed somewhat of an unspoken understanding since this whole thing started; as long as Cas doesn't expect real, intelligent conversation before Dean drinks his coffee, they'll be okay. 

Cas seems to have some weird understanding of him that isn't reciprocated, which is how, despite Dean's garbled protests, he ends up being pushed into the bathroom and having the door shut on him. He doesn't want to have a shower. Really, he should have had one last night, but then Cas was there and Dean's logical mind went out the window. 

Grudgingly, Dean strips out of his clothes and turns on the water in the shower. There's a faint _you'll thank me when you're clean_ from the other side of the door, but Dean's feeling petty and he pretends he doesn't hear it. He does, however, feel much better when he's clean. 

There's only a few of them for breakfast, so Dean doesn't feel too guilty about his giant mug of coffee, despite the looks Cas keeps giving him for it. They seem to have broken though something last night, and whether it was Hannah or their talk or a combination of both, Dean doesn't really know, but it feels easier this morning, talking to Cas, like a wall has come down that he didn't know was there to begin with. 

"So what is this plan of yours?" Dean asks, sipping his orange juice. 

"I thought we could go into town for a bit," he smiles, then adds a little quieter, "get away from everything for a little while."

"And do what?"

Cas shrugs, "whatever we want?"

"You know I'm broke," Dean reminds him.

"Yeah, well."

" _Cas_." Cas just smiles at him and continues eating his toast, and that seems to be the end of it. Dean knows better than to argue a case he can't win, not that he uses that knowledge very often.

❄ ❅ ❆ ❅ ❄

The drive into town is beautiful; they manage to avoid the city entirely, and there's a thick layer of snow everywhere they look. It's still snowing lightly, and Dean's not overjoyed to be driving in it, but he does like the idea of being alone with Cas for a little while and to do so sacrfices must be made. They drive into the town center, and park on the side of the road next to a little bakery.

As they walk down the sidewalk, Dean's struck by how much this place actually looks like one of those small towns you see in Christmas movies, where everyone bakes for their neighbours, and goes carolling in the evenings. They wander around aimlessly for a little while, and Cas buys them coffee when it gets too cold. He shows Dean around, points out the little bits of art tucked into every corner of the town, and Dean looks and listens, though he's really more interested in how adorable Cas looks in his hat and scarf. 

When the wind picks up, Cas pulls him into the first place he sees. It's an art gallery, and Cas smiles a little sheepishly as he curls his hand around Dean's, tugging him through the gallery. He apologizes again as they leave, but Dean couldn't care less about where he's being dragged, he's more focused on the the warmth of Cas' hand in his own. 

"You know, I've been thinking," he says suddenly, and Cas turns to look at him. "You're not exactly the world's greatest boyfriend."

Cas frowns at him, and for a second he looks genuinely offended, "I'm a fantastic boyfriend."

"We've never even been on a date."

"Okay, but-"

"And we've been together for eight months."

"I thought you didn't want me buying you things."

"I don't," Dean backtracks quickly.

"Then how am I going to prove myself?" Cas asks.

"You could kiss me." Dean's heat skips a beat, and his pulse races, but Cas' incredulous look shifts into a smug grin, and it's worth it. 

"You want me to kiss you? Right here?"

Dean shrugs, despite the aching need to reach out and touch him, and Cas just shakes his head. Dean's expecting some smartass retort, or for Cas to walk away without him; what he's not expecting is for Cas to actually follow through with it. He cups Dean's face with both hands, sealing their lips together, and Dean's brain shuts down. 

Cas kisses him like he's dying for it, and Dean can't do anything more than just let him. Cas' lips are firm against his own, and his tongue thrusts into dean's mouth, probing and almost possesive, and it's a good damn thing they're not actually touching because Dean's having a hard time keeping his body under control. 

When Cas pulls back, his lips are swollen and his cheeks are flushed, and Dean is breathless and scrambling to come up with something to say.

"Better?" Cas asks, and Dean wants to say yes, but his mouth doesn't seem to be working. Cas gives him a questioning look, and Dean means to go with his first answer, but what comes out is,

"I can't believe you just did that."

"You asked me to," Cas says, incredulous.

"I asked you to kiss me, I wasn't expecting to get tongue-fucked in the middle of town."

"I don't know what you want," Cas retorts, turning to hide the smirk on his face, "I gave you exactly what you asked for."

"You kissed me," Dean corrects, "I also asked for a date."

Cas turns around, "you implied that you wanted a date. You didn't outright ask me to take you out."

"Well," Dean pauses, "now I'm asking. Will you go out with me?"

"Oh my God," Cas sighs, but he seems more amused than genuinely upset, so Dean counts this as a win. "Alright, what would you like to do on our date?"

"Lunch?" Dean asks, relieved that his brain-to-mouth connection has smartened up again.

"You want to eat again?"

Dean shrugs, "I could go for lunch."

"Okay, come with me, I know a place."

The cafe is small and crowded, but Cas assures him it's the absolute best. At this point, Dean is willing to accept whatever he says despite the fact that he can barely breathe when they walk in. There's a fifteen minute wait, and Dean just shrugs when Cas asks if he wants to leave, so they stay and look over the menu while they're waiting, and luckily the four-person group in front of them isn't nearly so patient and they get bumped up the list. 

When they do get seated, they're sitting next to the window, overlooking an outdoor rink that's all set up for Christmas. It looks pretty popular, judging by the amount of people crowded around, and Dean thinks it could be fun if he was able to skate a little better. Cas catches him looking, and gives him a suspicious grin, but Dean just shakes his head.

"I don't think so."

"What?" he asks innocently, turning back to his menu. 

Dean doesn't get a chance to continue because their waitress shows up to take their order. She leaves cutlery and a pitcher of water on the table, and a silence falls over them. 

It's the first time they've been really alone together since they arrived in Vancouver, and suddenly the easy conversation from the drive up doesn't seem so easy. Maybe it's because he knows Cas now, maybe it's because he kissed him like half an hour ago and Dean's brain is still laser-focused on that, but it feels weird now. Cas doesn't seem to mind the silence, still staring out the window, but Dean feels the need to fill the empty air, although he doens't know what to fill it with.

"Is there anyone back home?" he asks, and the more functional part of his brain berates him for it immediately. Okay, yeah, he has to admit there are about a billion better things he could think to say, not least of all because he doesn't actually think he wants to know the answer to this question. 

"Dean, that's a terrible question to ask on a date. I certainly hope you don't ask the rest of your dates that."

"Yeah, sorry," Dean backtracks, "I don't know what I was thinking." It falls silent for a minute before Cas speaks again.

"You're the first person to show any interest in me in years, and I'm paying you to be here."

"Right," Dean mumbles, and he feels bad about it, but Cas has got a point. Luckily at that point, their coffee arrives and Dean has something to do with his mouth that isn't spouting utter nonsense. 

"What about you?" Cas asks, like he's only just thinking about it for the first time, "I didn't drag you away from someone did I?"

"First of all, no, I'm kinda in the same boat as you here. Secondly, you didn't drag me anywhere man, I called you."

"True," Cas nods slowly, considering that. "We should get out of here."

"We haven't even eaten."

"We'll take it to go," Cas gets up and walks up to the front counter, and Dean's left wondering if he's finally done something stupid enough that Cas is just gonna leave him here. 

He returns a couple minutes later with their food in a to-go bag, and he bundles himself back up in his jacket and scarf. They venture back out into the cold, picking at their fries as they wander down the sidewalk. Cas seems quieter than before, but Dean attributes that to the fact that he's eating. 

The fries are gone shortly, and Cas finds them a covered park bench where they can sit and finish the rest of their lunch. It starts snowing again while they're sitting, and every once in a while the wind will blow a stray snowflake into Cas' hair and Dean smiles softly to himself. The whole scene is so peaceful and he never wants to go back to reality. He'll take rosy-cheeked Cas and snow over a freezing bachelor suite any day.

After lunch, they wander down the main street, and when Cas' fingers slip between his own, Dean loses all sense of anything except the few square inches where they're pressed together. He's so focused on that, that he doesn't realize where Cas is leading him until they're already inside. Dean takes one look around him, and his heart races. Cas has led him right into a goddamn sex shop. 

"Uh, Cas?"

"Mmhm?"

"What are we doing?"

"We're shopping, Dean." he says with a grin, he turns back to him, a pair of pink lace panties in one hand, "what do you think of these?"

Dean's body can't decide what to do with itself; half the blood in his body rushes to his cheeks, and the rest goes straight to his dick. He tries to laugh it off, but Cas' expression switches to understanding he seems to realize he's lost Dean's attention.

"I was kidding," he says, but Dean's mouth has gone dry because _christ_ , he would do just about anything to see Cas in panties. 

"I know," Dean corrects, a little too quickly, "I just-"

"Like them?" Cas asks, cocking an eyebrow at him. Dean's mouth drops open in an attempt to defend himself, but Cas just shuffles closer, "that's kinda hot." He spins away again, and Dean's left standing alone in the middle of the shop with an awkward half-boner. 

Dean hurries after him, and Cas smirks at him when he catches up, "anything else I should know about you?"

"Probably," Dean huffs. 

"Yeah?" Cas asks, "that could be interesting."

"Not gonna happen."

"We'll see," Cas grins. 

"Are you actually here for a reason, or can we get out of here?"

"Just give me five minutes."

"I'm gonna go wait outside," Dean exhales slowly, and Cas runs a hand down his arm. Dean makes a quick exit, slouching against the wall of the building. He never thought this was going to be so fucking complicated, but then again, he wasn't expecting to fall for the idiot who's paying him to be here. 

Cas comes out shortly, and Dean's dying to know what the hell he was buying in there. Cas gives nothing away, but as they continue down the road, he takes Dean's hand again. _This doesn't make up for being a smartass_ , Dean thinks, but then Cas stops and tugs him close. 

Dean's expecting some snarky remark or something, but Cas just smiles at him, "I'm sorry," he breathes, "I wasn't expecting that reaction."

"It's all good," Dean mumbles, but Cas tugs him closer, kissing him softly. It feels brief, but when Dean withdraws, Cas presses forward. He kisses him gently but with great enthusiasm, and Dean melts into him slipping his arms around Cas' waist. 

When Cas pulls away he's smiling, and he makes a point of taking Dean's hand this time, squeezing his palm gently, "we should keep moving." He tugs him along like nothing's different, but the look on his face says he can't belive he just did that, and frankly, Dean's feeling the same. The last two times he can justify; the first time he was upset and Cas was just trying to make him feel better, plus they were alone. Then earlier Dean literally asked him to, though he can't imagine Cas trying to figure that one out, it makes sense to him. 

"I have an idea," Cas says, "if you don't mind making a detour before the last stop on our date."

"We're heading home?"

"Not quite. I told you I still have one thing planned."

"Alright, what's this one last thing?"

Cas just smiles at him, "detour first."

"Okay fine, what's the detour?"

"There's a little thrift shop up here, I want to grab something for the drive home." Dean never really considered a drive home, but really if they're not gonna live here, they're gonna have to get home at some point. He lets Cas lead, following along behind him happily. 

The thrift store is tucked into a strip mall, right near the end, and if Cas wasn't leading him directly threre, Dean probably wouldn't have noticed it at all. It's crowded inside, stretching back to reveal an eclictic collection of pretty much everything. 

Cas pulls him all the way to the back, and there's a small section that appears to be all music, but the only thing Cas cares about is a big carboard box in one corner. He crouches down next to it, and starts rifling through what appears to be a box of cassette tapes. 

"What are you doing?" 

"Well, I can't guarentee that it _won't_ be 80s soft rock, but," he grins up at Dean, "there will be a better selection than _just_ 80s soft rock." He passes ones of the cassettes up to Dean, and Dean turns it over in his hand. 

"You have no idea what's on this, it looks homemade."

"That's half the fun," Cas grins. He picks up a stack of tapes and hands them to Dean, taking a few more from the box before standing up straight again and following Dean to the front of the store. 

Cas pays for his cassettes and stuffs them into the mystery bag and they head back out again. Dean's antsy to know where they're going but Cas doesn't give anything away; it's only when Dean recognizes the cafe that he realizes what Cas' big plan is. 

The rink is even more beautiful up close and personal. The tree in the middle has to be ten or twelve feet tall, encircled by logs that double as benches, and there arw people of all ages skating around them. They're all holding hands and laughing, and part of Dean is actually kind of excited to go skating. He's not particularly good at it, but he can get himself around well enough. 

"This could be potentially disastrous," he says, and Cas just looks at him like he's trying to get out of it. 

"You wanted a date, and it's Christmas, so you're going to come skating with me, and it's going to be romantic and lovely."

"Alright, but don't blame me when I crash into you."

❄ ❅ ❆ ❅ ❄

Skating turns out to be way less of a disaster than Dean's expecting it to be. He manages to keep himself up for a long time, and Cas will grab his hand and slow them both down to keep him from crashing into anyone. There's music playing from somewhere, and it reminds Dean of an old Christmas movie he watched years ago.

"Thank you," he whispers, as Cas skates around to face him, "this is the best date I have ever been on."

"That's bullshit," Cas laughs, "all I did was publicly embarrass you and make sure you didn't fall into some poor unsuspecting kid."

"Well yeah, but I don't have very high standards," Dean winks. "My feet are kinda sore though, you mind taking a break?"

"Not at all," Cas takes his hand and they make their way to the edge of the rink where there are other log-benches for them to sit on. 

Dean sits and kicks at the ice while Cas gets them hot chocolate and caramel popcorn. Dean can't help but notice when people turn to look at Cas, and by now he's not even pretending that it frustrates him, but it makes him a little smug too, because as far as all these people can tell, Cas is _his_. 

Cas returns with a smile on his face, and Dean shuffles a little closer when he sits down. They drink their hot chocolate, and although Cas insists that flavoured popcorn is disgusting, he eats more of it than Dean does. For the next half hour they sit and listen to Christmas music and Dean makes a valiant effort to keep himself from touching Cas, but in the end it proves futile. He does manage not to kiss him, which is a fucking miracle.

❄ ❅ ❆ ❅ ❄

When they get back to the house, everyone's sitting around in the living room, but Dean and Cas head to their room first. Cas puts his stuff away, but Dean flops down on the bed and waits for him.

"You ready to go?" Cas asks, and Dean can't quite bring himself to say yes. "What's up?"

"I'm just a little tired, you go ahead I'll come down in a bit."

Cas looks concerned, but he relents, "okay. Everything's good right?"

"Yeah, we're good, I'm just tired."

Cas leaves him sitting on the bed, and Deans pulls off his jacket, dropping it on the floor as he lays back on the mattress. Today has been weird so far. Good, but weird, and he needs a chance to think about everything before he throws himself back into family celebrations. 

He's got three more days of this, and already he's come close to telling Cas how he feels about him, which on the one hand, could potentially be a good thing; Cas has made absolutely no indication that he _wouldn't_ be interested in him, but on the other hand, it could make things uncomfortable for the rest of this trip. _Fuck_. He's never been this uncertain of something before; normally, if there's someone he's genuinely interested in, he'll just come out and say it, there's no reason Cas should be any different. Except he is, everything about him is different. 

Dean doesn't date guys. In fact, his history with men is almost exclusively paid work, and a lot of that he doesn't like to think about; once or twice, he's gone home with some guy with nice hair and a strong jaw line, but for the most part, dating women is just easier. Well, when he's dating anyone at all, which seems to be rarely these days. _Fuck_ , if he had just not gone out with Cas today, he wouldn't be having this problem. Sure Cas kissed him before, but then it was just for show; when he kissed him this afternoon, that was something altogether different, and he can't get it out of his mind no matter how hard he tries. 

Part of him wants to text Sam and ask his advice, but he already knows what he'll say: _tell him the truth, Dean_. Ugh. This would have been so much easier if Cas had been ugly. Dean could have easily made it through the entire trip without a single issue if Cas had bad hygeine or something, but he had to be fucking beautiful, and Dean had to go and get to know him on top of it. This wasn't part of the plan. 

He knows Cas said he likes him, but Dean said the same, but he also likes Hannah and Ezekiel and Michael. This isn't highschool when saying you like someone has only one clear meaning, this is pretending to be someone's boyfriend and muddling everything up but actually falling for him. He lies back, stealing Cas' pillow and arranging them around his head. With any luck, he'll fall asleep and be able to avoid the rest of the night. 

After about an hour, there's a knock on the door. Dean hasn't moved since he built himself a pillow barrier, and he's gotten no further in deciding what the fuck he's going to do. The bedroom door pushes in, and Cas peeks in at him.

"How are you feeling?"

"Conflicted," Dean groans. 

"I brought you dinner, if you're hungry."

"Not really, but I appreciate it."

Cas crosses to the bed, sitting at Dean's feet. He sets the plate of food on the ledge and slides his hand up Dean's leg, "should I be worried? I thought everything was okay today?"

"Don't worry about it, Cas. It's not you, I'm just fucked up."

"No you're not."

"You don't know me, you don't know what I've done."

"Okay," Cas starts, "you keep alluding to some terrible thing or things that you've done in your past, but you're very careful not to mention what. Dean, I hate seeing you like this, but I can't help if you're going to hide things from me."

"You know we're not really dating, right?" he knows he sounds bitter about it, but he'd rather piss Cas off than have to tell him the truth, and shit, that's his answer right there. If he can't even tell Cas about his past, there's no chance of ever having a future with him. 

"You're right," Cas shrugs, "but I thought after the last couple days you might be more inclined to open up to me."

Dean sighs and rubs his hands over his face, turning away from Cas, "I told you about my dad and Sam. Sometimes finding a job was hard. I was only nineteen, and a lot of places didn't want to hire a kid, so I made some bad decisions." He shuts his eyes and inhales deeply, "I would hang out at truck stops bars, and I can tell you that anywhere that's gonna let in a nineteen year old is already pretty skeezy-" 

Cas nods his agreement, and Dean continues, "I'd, _fuck_ \- I'd essentially sell myself to the highest bidder. I was nineteen, I'm sure you can imagine the kind of business I got."

"Oh, Dean-"

"Don't, Cas, I don't wanna hear it. There's a reason I don't talk about it."

"That's not what I- I wasn't-" Cas sighs and crawls up the bed, lying along Dean's side, "I don't care," he says. 

"What do you mean?"

"Dean, I don't care what you did in the past; you did it to help your brother, and you didn't hurt anyone but yourself."

Dean laughs humourlessly, "yeah, that's for fuckin' sure."

"You're nothing like I was expecting," Cas breathes. He shifts, draping his arm over Dean's chest and brushing his fingers along the line of his jaw. Dean shuts his eyes, but Cas doesn't back down. He moves, and Dean can feel his breath on his face before Cas' lips are on his. 

Dean kisses him back despite himself, curling his arms around Cas' shoulders and seeking the comfort he's offering. Cas is warm and firm against him, and Dean has been debating this situation all night, but the second Cas takes the smallest step forward, Dean takes advantage. This time, he doesn't deserve this. 

He pushes Cas away, and Cas lets him, but he doesn't move from where he's leaning over Dean, "none of that matters to me," he breathes. Cas kisses him again and Dean sinks into the mattress. 

"You shouldn't-" he tries, but Cas doesn't care.

"I want to, unless you don't-"

Dean shakes his head, "it's not that."

"Then don't worry about it."

Dean nods, because he can't bring himself to say anything at all. This is a whole new level, and Dean wants to tell him right now, just get it out there in the open, but following up 'I was a prostitute' with 'and also I think I'm falling for you' is probably not the best course of action. Instead, he tells Cas how he feels with his hands and his mouth, pulling ihmself closer and giving in to the emotions swirling within him. 

Cas is so enthusiastic; soft and gentle, and Dean's never been treated with such care. It's a far cry from what he was expecting after telling Cas the truth about himself, but he wants this and he wants Cas. 

Cas' hand slips up under Dean's shirt, and he shifts so he's on top, one knee sliding between Dean's legs. Dean moans softly as Cas' thigh brushes against his cock, and _fuck_ , he didn't realize how hard he is. Cas seems to realize at the same time, and Dean practically shudders with anticipation because this could go south really fast. Cas' hand slips down his chest, cupping Dean's erection through his jeans, and Dean arches reflexively, a shuddering breath dropping from his lips. 

Oh shit, this is not at all how this was supposed to go. Dean pushes him back, panting, and shifting back to lean against the headboard.

"I'm sorry," he breathes, "I'm sorry, I just can't. _Fuck_."

Cas shakes his head, "don't be, I shouldn't have pushed. I'm sorry."

"It just- it feels too much like," Dean chooses his words carefully, "like a transaction. You're paying me to be here, in case you forgot."

"Fuck, Dean, I'm so sorry. I didn't think, but that's not what this is."

"No, no- I'm not blaming _you_ , Cas this is on me," Dean groans, "I didn't mean to mess this up, forget I said anything." He pushes himself up and starts toward the bathroom, but Cas is right on his heels. 

"Dean, please listen to me."

Dean turns around, but he can't bring himself to meet Cas' gaze, "what?"

"I don't want to do anything to hurt you, but there's something here that I'm not going to ignore unless you want me to. If you want this too, we can talk about it. We _should_ talk about it."

"Don't pay me."

"What?"

"For anything that... may or may not happen. I don't want that, never again."

"I can do that," Cas grins, "I can definitely do that." 

Dean sighs and his shoulders drop, "I'm sorry I'm so fucked up."

"I'm paying you to be my boyfriend because I'm intimidated by the people I love the most. You want to talk about fucked up, here I am." He holds out a hand, and Dean takes it with a smile, "you should eat something."

"Yeah," Dean agrees, "I'm fucking starving."

"I'm gonna head downstairs? You wanna come down?"

"I think so, just let me eat somethign first." He watches as Cas leaves the room and he flops back onto the bed, cursing himself. He's an idiot, but apparently Cas is into idiots because no one has ever stopped in the middle of foreplay to talk about feelings, and then stuck around. Fuck, he has to tell him. 

He eats the dinner Cas brought up for him, and leans against the headboard, thinking about how the hell he's going to approach this. They're basically there already, which is actually a little terrifying, but it's gonna make the actual conversation a whole lot easier. 

When he's finished, he heads downstairs. It's surprisingly quiet, but when he peeks into the living room, they're all watching a movie, and it looks like they're short a couple people. Dean takes a seat on the couch between Hannah and Cas, and it's not long before he's pulled into Cas' lap, half lying over him. Cas is soft and warm, and when he throws his arm around Dean's shoulders it only solidifies the fact that Dean has to tell him the truth because he's never going to find this again as long as he lives. 

The movie goes on, and Dean sinks lower and lower into Cas' lap. Cas' family is there in the room, but when Cas' hand slides down over his hip it does thingd to him that Dean would rather not acknowledge in present company. He bumps his hip back, knocking Cas' hand off of him. Cas looks at him questioningly, but Dean just leans back into his stomach with a contented sigh. 

Hannah heads out early, but Gail and Chuck stay up, so they stay to watch another movie. Dean's eager to get to bed, because when they go to bed he'll have a chance to think about how he's going to talk to Cas. The next two hours pass incredibly slowly, but then Cas' parents head to bed, and Dean and Cas go up to their room. 

Things don't go exactly as he had hoped. They get up to their room, and Cas head straight for the shower. Okay, that's fine, Dean can wait ten minutes. Only ten minutes turns into an hour when Cas gets out because he starts talking about what they're going to do tomorrow, and Dean gives up and changes into his pajamas, slouching against the headboard. 

"You don't want a shirt?" Cas asks, and Dean just shrugs.

"I'm hot."

Cas' lips twitch, but he doesn't say anything, he just comes and sits at the end of the bed, leaning back and facing Dean. They've been talking for twenty minutes about something, but Dean can't focus on what Cas is saying. 

"What do you think?" he asks, and Dean grins sheepishly.

"I uh, I have no idea what you just said."

"We can go to bed if you're tired?"

Dean nods, but he's not tired. He doesn't know what to say, and he's not ready to admit to Cas that the reason he wasn't paying attention is because he can't think about anything other than kissing him at this paricular moment. Cas gets up to switch the light off, and when he comes back, Dean's sorely temped to pull him down on top of him. 

Cas crawls over him and settles down on his own side of the bed, pulling the blankets up over his chest. Dean rolls onto his side, surprised to find Cas facing him. He thinks about it for a second, because he could just say it right now; the worst that would happen is he'd probably have to sleep on the couch, or he if it's bad enough, he could just leave and head home. 

The only problem is, he has no idea what to say to him. This isn't a movie where he can just go up to Cas and tell him he loves him, because that's not what this is. It has the potential to become something, but right now _love_ is not the word he's looking for, so he doesn't know what to say. Words, he's not always good at; most of them time when it's important, they just spew out of his mouth in no particular order, but he's good with actions. He leans in, pressing the faintest kiss to Cas' lips, and already his heart is racing. 

Cas' eyes flick up to his as he pulls away, "you don't have to do this."

"I want to," Dean assures him, "I haven't been able to stop thinking about it for the last two hours." He rolls onto his back and his shirt pulls up, baring a strip of skin just above the waistband of his sweatpants. Cas rolls with him, sliding his hand over the exposed skin and over the bulge of Dean's cock. 

"Tell me if it's too much," Cas breathes, and Dean nods but his eyes flutter shut and he has to keep himself from pressing up into Cas' touch. Cas draws his hand back, sliding up Dean's stomach under his shirt; his fingertips trail over Dean's skin, catching on the rise of his nipple and drawing the breath from Dean's chest. 

Dean's been with enough people who go way overboard when he tells them he won't do certain things, and Cas' cautious exploration is a relief, to say the least. He slides his hand up Cas' arm, squeezing gently and pushing up against him. He pulls Cas down to him, kissing him softly as Cas' fingers trail over his skin. Cas' hand slips lower, and Dean's breath stutters against his lips as Cas slips back under his waistband again. The faint touch of his fingers is enough to get him worked up, and his cock is quickly catching up with current events. 

Cas seems to realize the effect he's having because there's a brief hesitation, and then his palm slides over Dean's hardening cock, and a hesitant moan escapes Dean's lips. Cas squeezes him tighter, dragging his fingers up Dean's length, and he leans into the kiss. Dean parts his lips without hesitation, letting sensation drive him, and he shifts his hips to encourage Cas' touch. 

Cas hums against his mouth, stroking Dean through his pants. He pulls up, playing with the head before slipping back down and cupping his balls. Dean moans and writhes against the bed, squirming under Cas' touch as his hands slip between his thighs, pressing his fingers into the soft flesh and sliding right up under Dean's cock without actually touching it. Dean spreads his legs subtly, but Cas presses them further apart, squeezing his thigh, and leaning in to kiss him again. 

His mouth is warm, and Dean opens to him immediately, parting his lips to deepen the kiss, and Cas huffs a soft laugh at his enthusiasm. He squeezes his cock, and Dean barely holds back a moan, thrusting his hips into his hand. He wiggles his hips, encouraging Cas to push under his sweatpants, but to no avail. Cas seems determined not to touch his naked cock, and Dean can't do anything but roll with it, rocking his hips in rhythm with Cas' ministrations. 

Every touch is better than the last, and Dean is so fucking turned on he can't stand it. He wants more but he's pretty sure Cas isn't going to give it to him, not yet; not until he's sure Dean's comfortable with it, so Dean pulls Cas on top of him, smiling at the confusion on Cas' face. He kisses him hard, rocking his cock against Cas' thigh where it presses between his thighs. He moans into Cas' mouth, and and he's pleasantly surprised by the breathy _fuck, Dean_ , that he gets in response. 

Cas presses in against him, and _shit_ , he's already hard. The little gasp that falls from Dean's mouth sounds something like surprise, and Cas takes it the wrong way, shifting his hips back and moving his hand to Dean's thigh. 

"I'm sorry," Cas breathes, and just the sound of him is arousing; his voice is rough and wanting despite his words, and Dean would be an idiot not to give him everything he wants, but he's feeling a little out of his depth here. Cas is fucking beautiful, and Dean's felt self-conscious around him since the first moment they met, and this is so much more than a brief meeting at a coffeeshop. 

"Don't be," Dean shakes his head, curling his fingers around the back of Cas' neck, "I want you, I want _this_." He slides his hand down Cas' stomach, slipping into his pants and curling around the length of Cas' cock. Cas thrusts into his hand, sliding his hand under Dean's shirt and thumbing over his nipple. He rolls the nub between his fingers and Dean arche off the bed, rubbing himself against Cas' leg. 

Cas rises up to his knees, dragging his fingers down Dean's stomach, and leans up, following his touch. He shifts down the bed, pressing himself more firmly against Cas' leg, and Cas moans softly, tugging Dean's shirt up and over his head. Dean is quick to reciprocate, dropping Cas' shirt off the side of the bed and running his hands up over his chest. 

" _Jesus_ ," he breathes, "Cas, you're beautiful." Cas huffs a soft laugh, pressing into Dean's touch as his hands slip down over his thighs. Dean pulls himself up, fitting himself between Cas' legs, and he cups Cas' cock in one hand, squeezing and rubbing him through his pants while his free hand slides up his chest. Cas moans as Dean's fingers brush over his nipple, and he presses his hips forward, grinding against Dean's hand. He rocks his hips up and Dean doesn't miss the way his cockhead peeks above the waistband of his pants, red adn swollen, and Dean's done soft touches and cautiousness. 

He tugs Cas' pants down past his hips, biting his lip at the sight of Cas' cock; he's flushed and swollen, and there's pre-come smeared over the head, and Dean can't help but lean forward to taste him. Cas' whole body shudders, his hips twitching sharply as Dean's longue laps at the head of his cock. Dean sucks him down in one motion, pressing his nose into the dark hair at the base of Cas' cock, and Cas' fingers wind through his hair, tugging gently. 

Dean sucks him down and flattens his tongue along the underside of his cock, flicking his togue as he pulls back up to the head. Cas' fingers tighten in his hair but Dean doesn't let up; he wants Cas to feel everything, and the fact that Cas' moans and sighs go straigh to his own dick. He loves the taste of Cas on his tongue, draws back, sucking on the head and cups Cas' balls in one hand, rolling them between his fingers.

" _Okay_ ," Cas chuckles breathlessly, doubling over and pushing Dean back against the bed. "You're gonna have to slow down." He kisses Dean fervently, panting and sighing againsr his lips, and Dean wraps his arms around him, pulling him down on top of him. 

Cas' thigh presses back between his knees, and when he lowers himself his cock slides along Dean's. Dean spreads his legs, hooking his knees around Cas' thighs and pulling him forward. Their erections slide together, and Dean moans into Cas' mouth, puling him closer and rocking against him. He hasn't been this desperate to be with someone in years, and there's a little voice in the back of his head that points out that the reason isn't just sex-related. 

He ignores that little voice for the time being, and curls one hand around Cas' cock, pressing it against his own and rocking into the touch. Cas bites Dean's lip as he presses forward, but then he's pulling back and Dean wants to stop him but Cas doesn't go far. He sits back on his heels, and Dean's too focused on the way his cock curves up toward his stomach to realize that Cas has moved on to getting Dean out of his pants. He lifts his hips and Cas drags his pants and underwear down his legs, and Dean's fingers drag up his cock, squeezing a little around the head. He exhales at the sensation, but then firm hands curl under the backs of his thighs and Dean finds himself tugged down the bed. 

Cas smooths his hands up Dean's thighs and over his hips, leaning down and stretching out down the bed. He looks up at Dean, pressing kisses into the vee of his hips, before moving down and sucking at the skin of Dean's inner thigh. Dean tips his head back, reaching down to drag his fingers through Cas' hair, and then Cas' tongue finds the base of his cock and he bites his lip to stifle the moan that pulls from his throat. Cas licks up to the tip, flicking his tongue at the slit before sucking the entire head into his mouth. 

Dean's hips buck up immediately, but then Cas is pressing back behind his balls, and he doesn't know what to do. Cas reaches up above Dean's head with one hand, and he produces a bottle of lube from god knows where, slicking up his fingers and pushing back between Dean's cheeks. The first touch is cold, but Cas massages the ring of muscle and Dean shudders under him, but every time his hips twitch forward, Cas sucks at the head of his cock, and Dean's too overwhelmed to do anything but run his fingers through Cas' hair. 

Cas pulls off his cock, sliding up against him, and Dean groans at the push of Cas' cock against his own, but then their lips meet again, and he's lost in the slide of Cas' mouth against him. Cas' finger pushes into him, and Dean's chest heaves as he pushes back onto him. Cas is eager, pushing all the way into him and rubbing against his prostate and Dean knows he's not going to last long if Cas keeps this up. 

Cas slips a second finger into him, and his head drops to Dean's chest, pressing kisses into his skin and dlicking his tongue at his nipple. Cas fucks him enthusiastically, but he feels like he's holding back, and Dean doesn't want him to worry about him. He pulls Cas' head down, biting his lip and panting against him. He's trying so hard to be quiet, but when Cas' fingers slide over his prostate again, he cries out and Cas has to muffle the sound with his mouth. 

" _Fuck me_ ," Dean breathes, and Cas pulls back. 

"You want that?" Cas asks, his voice breathy and rough. 

"Yeah, Cas," Dean nods, "please." He lets his eyes drop shut, and Cas pulls out, rubbing Dean's hole and slipping back into him again. Dean arches off the bed, grappling at the sheets as Cas fingers him, thrusting harder than before and Dean wraps a hand around himself, stroking alowly against Cas' rhythnm. 

When Cas slows down, Dean's worried that he's changed his mind, but then his fingers flex within him, and he sighs, sinking back into the bed. Cas works him open patiently, and Dean tries to keep the same sentiment, but Cas is pressing every one of his buttons, and he's so fucking turned on he's tempted to just push Cas onto his back and ride him until they're both hot and sweaty and desperate to come. The thought alone sends heart flaring up Dean's spine, and he squeezes the base of his cock moaning into Cas' neck. 

Cas sits up, and Dean watches him expectantly, following his every movement as Cas rises to his knees and situates himself between Dean's thighs. He jacks himself slowly, pressing his cock between Dean's cheeks and rolling his hips forward slowly. He moans softly as his cock slips between Dean's cheeks, and he keeps the same steady rhythm, moving his hand up to rub Dean's nipple between his fingers. 

He surges forward suddenly, practically folding Dean in half, and planting his hands at Dean's sides. He rocks his hips forward, and Dean wants to push back onto him, but he's not exactly in a position to move, with his knees hooked around Cas' arms. 

Cas shifts above him, pressing the head of his cock against Dean's hole, and he presses forward slowly. Dean groans as Cas sinks into him, pulling Cas' head down to his. He meets Cas' gaze, but he can't bring himself to say anything, mostly because he can barely breath with Cas' cock stretching him open. Cas bottoms out and shifts his hips, rubbing his cock against Dean's prostate. He catches Dean's mouth in a desperate kiss, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth, and moaning against him. 

Cas draws back slowly and drives his hips forward hard; Dean wraps his legs around Cas' shoulders, kissing him hard as Cas fucks him. Cas drives deep, setting Dean's nerves on fire, and he's helpless to do anything but pour all of his want and desperation into kissing him. 

It's sloppy, and their mouths miss more often than they connect, but Dean's never felt closer to someone in his life. His skin is on fire, and there's sweat beading at his temples and down his spine, and Cas doesn't seem to be in any better shape; he's panting hard and his hair is matted to his forehead, which should not be as attractive as it is. 

The soft slap of skin on skin fills the air, mingled with their soft moans and groans, and Dean might be embarrassed about it, in a house full of Cas' family if it didn't feel so fucking amazing. He gasps sharply as Cas slams into him, and Cas stifles him with a kiss, but he's laughing against his lips, whispering an undsteady _shh_. 

"Oh, Dean," he breathes, "fuck, you feel so good."

Dean nods dumbly, only vaguely away of what Cas is saying as his body shudders. He's wound tightly, and every thrust of Cas' hips pushes him closer to the edge of his control. He wants to keep this up; he'd stay in bed with Cas all night if his skin. 

" _Cas_ ," he breathes, " _ngh, baby-_ " he shuts his eyes, biting his lip, and Cas kisses him hard, muffling the sound that comes out of his mouth. " _I'm gonna come,_ " he huffs, " _oh, shit Cas_." He slides his fingers down the length of his cock, jerking himself in quick, short motions, and it's not long before he's slipping, fucking up into his own hand and Cas is fucking him relentlessly. 

Dean comes with a cry, arching up as Cas kisses him roughly. It's sudden and messy, but Cas fucks him through it, drawing out the ecstasy as long as he can. Dean's boneless, and Cas slows his thrusts, choosing instead to lean in, kissing Dean soundly as he sinks back into the mattress and catches his breath. 

"You're beautiful," Cas miles, and dean huffs a laugh at him, pushing Cas up. "What?" Cas asks, sitting back on his heels, running his hands down Dean's calves.

"Come on me," Dean breathes, and Cas pulls out, leaning over Dean and rocking himself against his hip. 

"This what you want?" he asks, nosing at Dean's jaw and dragging his teeth down the line of his neck. Dean groans, running his hands through his hair. Cas' cock slides over his skin, smearing come all over Dean's skin, and Dean doesn't even care because Cas is mumbling in his ear, nipping at his skin and it all feels amazing. 

Cas' hips stutter as Dean kisses him, and he sits back on his heels, shuffling forward and taking his cock in his hand. He strokes himself quickly and Dean runs his hands up Cas' thighs, squeezing him gently. Cas' breath comes quickly, and Dean can't keep his eyes off Cas' cock where the head slips through his fingers, and then he's coming hard, doubling over and biting down on Dean's shoulder as he comes. 

His breath comes in hot puffs against Dean's neck, and both his hands come up to frame Dean's face, pushing his fingers into his hair. He rocks against him, and Dean's fucking exhausted, but he can't help the soft moan that falls from his lips as Cas' softening cock brushes agaisnt his own. 

"I can't believe we just did this," Cas huffs, and Dean shares that sentiment; never in a million years did he ever expect to end up in bed with Cas. 

"Me neither."

Cas hums softly against his skin, "just give me a second and I'll get us both cleaned up," he presses soft kisses against the underside of Dean's jaw, and shuts his eyes. Dean lets his exhaustion get the better of him, and he shuts his eyes, leaning into Cas' warmth. 

He wakes up with Cas presses to his left side and barely on the mattress. He's a mess, covered in come and sweat, and his thighs are burning, but he shifts away from Cas and shakes his shoulder gently. Cas grumbles into consciousness and rolls onto his side to face Dean. 

"Sorry," he mumbles, "I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"Me neither," Dean agrees, moving to get up. 

"Don't," Cas says, pushing him back down to the bed, "you're still sticky," he grins sleepily, and climbs up off the bed. "I'll be right back."

When he returns a minute later, Dean's already falling asleep again, and Cas wakes him up with a warm cloth on his stomach. 

"Hey," he grins. 

"Hey," Cas echoes. He's gentle, as he wipes the mess off of Dean's stomach, and Dean's still damp as he rolls over and curls into the blankets. Cas doesn't even bother taking the cloth back to the bathroom, he just chucks it into the garbage and climbs over Dean like he does every other night. 

"I can't say I was expecting this," Cas hums, pressing his knee between Dean's legs, "you're amazing."

"I'm alright," Dean grins, "g'night, Cas."

"Goodnight."


	6. Chapter 6

Dean wakes up slowly the next morning, stretching out as much as he can without pushing Cas into the wall, and then curling up around his pillow. It's been a long time since he felt this good, but then again it's also been months since he had sex, and talking to Cas took a lot of weight off his shoulders that he didn't realize he was carrying. If he wasn't sweaty and sticky, he would be happy to stay in bed with Cas all day. He is sticky though, and Cas is grumbling awake next to him, so it looks like his blissful morning is about to be cut short. 

Dean rolls over to face Cas, smiling sleepily at him, "morning."

"Morning," Cas hums, "I have bad news."

Dean frowns at him, "how do you have bad news, you just woke up."

"Hannah's been texting me for the past twenty minutes."

"About what?"

"You, probably. You weren't exactly quiet last night." Dean frowns, and he can feel the heat rise to his cheeks, but Cas just looks pleased about the whole thing. "It's fine," he assures him, "if anyone heard us, they're not going to mention it. Except Gabriel. Gabe might."

"Awesome."

Cas leans in, pressing a soft kiss to Dean's lips before pulling himself up and pushing the blankets off of them both, "I'm going to have a shower before we go downstairs, you want to join me?"

"Yeah, just gimme a sec." 

Cas heads for the bathroom, and Dean doesn't think his morning can get any better. He smirks to himself and stretches out again, checking his own phone quickly. As much as he would love to stay in bed for another hour, he's already lost his reason for wanting to stay, and the alternative is Cas naked. Naked and wet. There's not really much of a choice. 

He pushes himself up off the bed, crossing to the bathroom. The door is open, and he can feel the heat from the shower before he even gets into the room. 

Cas is leaning against one wall with his dick in his hand, and Dean's breath catches in his throat. This is not at all what he was hoping for, but he can definitely work with it. Cas' eyes are closed, and he obviously hasn't noticed him yet, and Dean plans on keeping it that way until he's ready. He's dying to get his hands on him, to slip his fingers over soapy skin and draw those sweet sounds from Cas' throat. 

While he's been daydreaming Cas has changed his position, and when Dean looks back, he's propped up on one arm with his ass out fucking into his hand. Dean lets out a little moan, and Cas bends over further. He _knows_ he's there, and he knows he's watching. He'd never have taken Cas for someone to show off, but he's certainly got the body for it and Dean's not gonna let this opportunity go to waste. 

He slides a hand down his chest, curling around the base of his cock and sliding his fingers up to the head. He keeps his eyes on Cas, groaning as Cas' hand drops from his cock and comes back to slip between his cheeks. Dean's eyes drop shut, and he crosses the room in a split second, pulling the shower door open and letting it fall shut abruptly behind him. 

Cas' breath is coming in hot, heavy puffs, and he lets Dean pin him against the wall. He wraps one arm around Dean's waist immediately, keeping him close as he twists his fingers around the head of Dean's cock. 

"What took you so long?" he breathes. 

"Couldn't pass up a show like that," Dean huffs, nipping at Cas' lips. He rocks his hips, exhaling shakily as the head of his cock bumps against Cas' stomach. "You're just so fucking sexy, I'd love to fuck you right now."

"Yeah," Cas grins, "we can definitely do that." He kisses him hard, taking them both in hand and stroking them slowly. Dean's eyes drop shut, and he shudders under Cas' touch, but he's so eager to give back, to make Cas feel as fucking amazing as he did last night. It's a difficult decision because the selfish part of him would love to stay there and just rut against each other until he comes, but _fuck_ he wants to make Cas squirm. 

He drops to his knees, licking a stripe up the underside of Cas' cock before gripping his thighs and spinning him around. Cas is remarkably cooperative, letting Dean manoeuver him just the way he wants him. He shifts his hips, spreading his legs as Dean presses between them, and Dean stretches up, dragging his fingers over Cas' hole before pressing in with his tongue. 

Cas' hips twitch and Dean presses in deeper, reaching around to touch his cock. Cas makes the most beautiful sounds, he discovers, with Dean's tongue up his ass, and Dean is nothing if not eager to please. He strokes Cas quickly, his patience running low, and when Cas' phone vibrates on the bathroom counter, he groans into his skin.

"Ignore it," he breathes, and Cas nods, mumbling something that Dean doesn't quite catch against the noise of the shower. Dean pushes back in, nipping at the flesh of Cas' ass, but the phone won't shut up, and eventually, Cas pulls away.

"I'm sorry," he groans, rolling his eyes, "just give me five seconds." 

He grumbles away, leaving Dean alone in the shower, and Dean slumps against the shower wall. The water's still warm, but it's cooling off, and as much as Dean wants to hold out hope that Cas will be back, it's not looking good for the temperature situation. With a sigh, he turns off the water and steps out of the shower.

Cas is sitting on the closed toilet seat, frantically texting someone who Dean presumes is Hannah. He's got a towel over his lap, and Dean can just see where his cock pokes up beneath it, and part of him wants to tell Hannah to screw off for an hour so he can drag Cas back into the shower, heat or no. 

"I'm sorry," Cas sighs as Dean crouches down next to him, "I'll make it up to you. I promise."

"It's alright, we should get downstairs for breakfast anyways."

Cas reluctantly agrees, and they head down as soon as they're dressed. The kitchen smells amazing, and Dean learns quickly it's because Gabriel made breakfast so it consists of french toast and bacon and waffles, complete with Bailey's in his coffee. There are only a few of them this morning because Cas' parents have gone out for breakfast, and a few of his brothers are visiting a friend who's in town, so they take their breakfast into the living room and watch TV while they eat. 

It should be relaxing, but there's still a current of excitement under Dean's skin that he can't quite seem to shake; Cas has to lay a hand on his knee three times to keep him from shaking it. All in all, it's a good morning despite their interruption, and then everyone disperses around eleven o'clock. Dean stays in the living room to read and Cas disappears for a little while but by now Dean's comfortable enough with the family that he just curls up into the corner on his own. It's actually nice to have a bit of time just to himself; he hasn't had any time away from Cas since they got here, but today everyone seems to be doing their own thing. 

Cas comes back a little later and plops oddly beside him on the couch. 

"We need to talk."

"What, why? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, but I need to talk to you somewhere private." If he didn't sound so urgent about it, Dean would think talking was some sort of euphemism for _finish what we started this morning_. 

"Okay," he says, folding his book shut and pushing himself up off the couch, "you wanna go upstairs?"

Cas nods and hurries up the stairs with Dean a few steps behind him. Dean closes the door and crosses to the bed where Cas has seated himself with his chin in his hand.

"You wanna tell me what's going on here?"

"Hannah knows everything."

The thoughts that are racing through Dean's head suddenly stops, and he fixes Cas with a questioning look, "how much of everything."

"All of it. I told her because I needed someone to be able to talk honestly with and she's the one I trust the most. I know I should have told you, but I wasn't expecting this to be... _this_."

"Okay, so why bring it up now?"

"Because," Cas starts, looking increasingly guilty, "she wants to have lunch with you today and I figured it was only fair to tell you what she knows."

"I appreciate the heads up, but why does she want to have lunch with me?"

"I don't know," Cas sighs, "and she won't tell me. I would say it's because you're my boyfriend, but obviously, that isn't' applicable here."

"No," Dean agrees, "that's what worries me."

"She won't be mad if that's what you're afraid of. She thinks I'm being an idiot about the boyfriend-for-hire thing, but she won't' blame you for that."

"Yeah, I guess I'm kinda stuck though, hey? You're important to her, I can't just ignore her and expect everything to be normal."

"I'll have my phone, you can text me if you need to."

"Thanks," Dean smiles, "still seems weird that she knows."

❄ ❅ ❆ ❅ ❄

Driving into town with Hannah proves awkward, not only because Dean's dreading the upcoming conversation with her, but also because he has nothing to do with himself to distract him in the meantime. Normally, when he's driving, he's the one behind the wheel, but Hannah insisted on taking her vehicle - likely so Dean can't just up and leave on her - and now he's stuck with only the hem of his jacket to fidget with, and Hannah notices. She doesn't say anything, but Dean catches her looking at him out of the corner of her eye, and it doesn't make their upcoming conversation any less terrifying.

They pick up lunch because Hannah's feeling burgers and Dean is never one to turn down burgers. There's a little park not far from the diner, and Hannah pulls up into the parking lot so they're looking over snow-laden trees and bushes. There are people out with their dogs and their kids, and Dean wants to be out with them instead of in here because suddenly the car is stifling. 

"So, tell me about you and Cas."

"He told me you know everything. There is no me and Cas."

"Okay," Hannah amends, "tell me how you feel about Cas."

Dean huffs an awkward laugh, "that's not the- I don't- I don't even know where to begin."

"How did you meet him? Better yet, how long have you known each other?"

"A week," Dean offers, "but I thought he told you everything, like why I'm here."

"He did. I just want to know your side."

"There's not much to my side," Dean shrugs, "I'm broke, Cas offered to pay me to be his boyfriend for a week. Simple as that."

"Is it?" she asks, and Dean takes a big bite of his burger to avoid the question, but Hannah just sits patiently and waits for him to finish, watching him the whole time. 

"No," he admits, "it's not as easy as that, but it's not like I have anyone to talk to up here. I could text my brother but he's already told me I'm an idiot, so I don't need to prove his point."

"You can talk to me," Hannah offers, "I know we don't exactly know each other, but I know Cas better than anyone. I'm already keeping your secret, and it's not like you'll have to worry about me in the future." Dean's heart sinks; he's been trying his best not to think about that, and stay in the moment, but Hannah's not exactly making it easy. 

"That's kind of my problem."

"What is?"

"Going home and never seeing anyone ever again. I didn't expect to like your family so much, not that I expected them to be bad, I just- I didn't expect to get so attached to them. And Cas-" he sighs, "I take it you've already assumed how I feel about Cas?"

"I have some suspicions."

"I like him, I like him... way more than I expected to."

"Why don't you tell him?" Hannah offers. 

"Yeah that'll go over well, _hey yeah, I know you're paying me to be here and be your fake boyfriend, but like do you want to actually date when we get home_?"

"You think he'll react badly?"

"I honestly don't know, but I don't think I want to find out, I just wish I didn't have to tell him myself."

"What's the worst that could happen?"

"He could say no?"

"And you think he's going to?" Hannah asks.

"Very probably."

"Dean, tell me about your morning."

"Um," he frowns, "I woke up-"

"In Cas' bed? With Cas?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Then what?"

"I had a shower."

"With Cas?" Hannah's lips curl up at the corner, and Dean feels defeated. 

"How did you know about that?"

"You both came downstairs at the same time with wet hair, and I'm going to assume I interrupted something because Cas was glaring daggers at me this morning at breakfast." 

Dean doesn't know what to say to that because Hannah is Cas' sister, and he's not about to tell her he was about to fuck her brother when she phoned him. They may get along, but he definitely doesn't know her well enough for that. 

"I just have one more thing to ask you, then we can finish our lunch and do whatever."

"What's that?"

"Are you serious about Cas?"

"I mean, I'm not ready to marry him," Dean frowns. 

"That's not what I mean, I just mean do you genuinely like him or is it because you're pretending to?"

"No," Dean shakes his head, "it's not that. I realized this before we even got here. I'd only known him for like... three fucking days or something ridiculous."

Hannah smiles at that, "It may be ridiculous, but I'm glad. Cas doesn't open himself up to people easily, but somehow you've come in and knocked down all those walls, and I just wanted to make sure it's not for nothing."

"It's not," Dean replies, and he wants to ask more - why are they having this conversation in the first place? Did Cas say something to her? Why him, of all people? - but Hannah turns the music back up, and that seems to be the end of it. 

After they finish their lunch, they stop for coffee and then Hannah drives him around town, showing him some of their favourite spots. They're only gone for a little over an hour, but when they get back Dean is feeling both better and worse about his situation with Cas because Hannah obviously knows something he doesn't, and the thought of what it might be nags at him all the way home, at least this time he has a coffee cup in his hands to keep him occupied.

❄ ❅ ❆ ❅ ❄

The house smells amazing when they walk in, like cinnamon and spruce and gingerbread. Dean feels a little better about the lie, having Hannah know and understand, but his heart still does a weird little twist when he walks into the living room to find Cas sitting on the couch chatting with Anna and Michael. Dean sneaks over without interrupting, and perches on the arm of the couch, draping an arm around Cas' shoulders.

Cas turns to look at him with a smile, grabbing Dean's coffee and taking a sip of it before setting it down on the coffee table. He tugs Dean down to the couch with him, settling back against his chest, and Anna wrinkles her nose at them briefly before turning her attention back to her husband and the TV. 

Cas turns to lean against the back of the couch, facing Dean, "so how was lunch with Hannah?"

"It was good, surprisingly."

"Not scary?" Cas grins. 

"No," Dean shakes his head, "not scary," then he adds, just barely a whisper, "looks like we were nervous for nothing." 

Cas lifts a hand to cup Dean's cheek, twisting further to kiss him, "I'm glad."

Dean freezes for a moment before realizing that this is what they're supposed to be doing; kissing on the couch is normal, it's the awkward not knowing what to say that's not. He settles back into the couch and winds his arms around Cas' waist. He doesn't miss the little sound that Cas makes as he rests his head back on Dean's shoulder, and he thinks about what Hannah told him. 

Around two, Gabriel and Kali get back and all hell breaks loose; for the most part, when they're all together the Novaks are quiet people - until someone starts telling family stories - but when Gabriel is added into the mixture, Dean has a very clear view of why Cas warned him about him beforehand. He's in the house for all of ten minutes before he starts making some concoction in a punch bowl, and Dean is curious so he sits at the table with Cas and Aislinn to watch. 

Whatever it is he's making consists of eggnog, whipping cream, vanilla, a whole lot of spices and more different types of alcohol than Dean's seen in any one recipe ever. He's pretty sure this is a Gabriel-invented drink. 

Tomorrow is the first day that they technically start the celebrations, but a select few - with Gabriel as their ringleader - have started early this year. Cas gets roped into it shortly after Naomi and Chuck kick them out of the kitchen, and they make their new base in the basement. As it turns out, the Novaks have an amazing house, and the basement is essentially a rec room - bar and pool table included. 

Dean doesn't make an active decision to drink, but it seems to happen that way anyway. 

The concoction is fucking potent; it tastes something like pumpkin spice and eggnog, but the actual flavours are muted by the overwhelming flavour of alcohol, and after his first drink, Dean can already feel it. Gabe and Michael are playing pool, but they've also been drinking a lot more than Dean, so he declines their invitation for his own safety, and Cas curls up with him on the couch to watch. It proves to be highly entertaining and painfully obvious why Gabe and Michael would kill each other if they stayed in the same house. 

When Hael comes down to announce that dinner is ready, she has to herd them all up the stairs, and Dean tries his best to pretend not to be drunk. He thinks he's doing a good job, considering present company, but Hannah just laughs at him when she plops down next to him. 

"The trick is _not_ to be left alone with Cas and Gabriel. Ever. Every disaster story starts with Gabe and Cas."

"I wasn't warned," he says, turning to face Cas. He receives a wide grin in return and Cas squeezes his thigh under the table. Jesus christ, he is never going to make it through this in one piece. 

Dinner that night is good, but that's about as much as Dean remembers about it because Cas is touching his leg all through the meal, and it takes everything in him to keep his composure, especially when Cas' fingers drag along the side of his dick. He can't tell if it's a direct correlation to their interrupted shower this morning, or if Cas is just a touchy-feely drunk, but he can honestly say that before now he's never had to worry about popping a boner at the dinner table. 

After dinner, Hannah and Hael clear the table and Gabriel drags Dean and Cas back down to the basement. Cas joins the pool game this time because it seems significantly less dangerous now that Zeke and Anna are playing too. Dean assures him that he will be fine without him, and curls up on the couch with his book. His buzz is starting to wear off, and he's getting sleepy so he's not up to playing pool, but it's definitely interesting to listen to. 

For the most part, it's just general banter, and Dean's glad to see Cas having fun with his family, but occasionally something will happen and the entire group will erupt, bickering with each other about whose ball is whose and what touched what. 

After about half an hour, the rabble calms down, and Dean relaxes back into the couch with his eyes closed and his book held open over his knee. He's not falling asleep, but it still startles him when the book is removed from his knee and replaced with Cas' hand. He opens one eye and Cas smiles up at him. 

"I brought you a drink," he says, rising to his feet, and climbing into Dean's lap, "to keep you awake," he winks, and Dean chuckles, slipping his hands over Cas' hips. 

"I'm awake."

"You didn't look very awake." Cas leans in, kissing him swiftly, and for the first time, Dean doesn't hesitate in the slightest. Maybe it's the alcohol, or maybe it's the talk he had with Hannah, but it doesn't seem weird this time, and he tugs Cas close, deepening the kiss. When Cas pulls back, his cheeks are pink, and Dean can't help but press into him and kiss him again. 

Cas slips off of his lap and picks up his cue from where it's leaning against the bar, "we're gonna play another game, you want to play?"

Dean shakes his head, "I don't think so," but he rises up off the couch, grabbing his drink and trailing after Cas, "I'll come watch." He takes a sip of his drink, expecting the same as before, but he's pleasantly surprised. "Did you make this?"

"Is it okay?"

"It's much better than Gabriel's... whatever that was." Cas laughs, and Dean tips forward to kiss his mouth, smiling against his lips. 

"You're a very affectionate drunk," Cas hums. 

"You're the one who just climbed right up into my lap," Dean smirks, and Cas pushes him away playfully. 

"Come sit down," he says, and Dean follows after him, taking a seat on one of the benches in the pool room. Cas leaves his drink with him, and huddles at one end of the table with Gabriel. It looks like they're strategizing, though Dean's not exactly sure what strategy there is in pool. Maybe he's just not good enough at it. 

The teams are unbalanced, with Zeke and Anna joining Michael, but the brothers don't seem to care in the least, and Cas seems exceptionally confident that he and Gabriel will win despite their lack of a third player. Anna breaks and perfectly lines up a shot, which Gabriel is overly excited about. He wiggles his butt as he lines up the shot, and Cas plops down next to Dean, rolling his eyes. 

Everyone's focused on Gabe, but something catches Dean's eye in the other half of the room, and he's preoccupied. He can hear the click of the balls hitting each other and then Cas make a smug little noise next to him, but Dean's attention is officially focused elsewhere. 

"Who's guitar?" he asks, nodding toward the fireplace.

"Michael's," Cas answers, "why?"

"Do you mind if I-?" the question is directed at Michael, and he gestures toward the guitar.

"You play?" he and Cas ask in unison. 

"A little," Dean shrugs.

"Go for it," Michael grins. 

Dean crosses back into the main area, taking the guitar from its stand and sitting cross-legged on the floor. He plucks at the strings a few times, testing it, and it surprised to find it properly tuned, even after being unused for however long. He picks his way through a familiar tune, and mostly just plays around with it until Anna plops herself down in front of him.

"Do you take requests?"

"If I know it, I'll do my best. It's been a long time since I've played."

"How about _Bless the Broken Road_?"

Dean cocks an eyebrow at her, "Rascal Flatts? Maybe."

"It's one of my favourites," she smiles. 

"Yeah, okay. I'll see what I can do," he smiles back at her, and Anna wiggles her shoulders with anticipation. 

It takes a couple false starts, but Dean gets a hold on the tune. It's not a song he's unfamiliar with, but it's not up there with Zeppelin or Bowie, so it's not as natural for him to play. He doesn't make an active decision to sing; he doesn't even know the second verse very well, but he usually sings along to whatever he's playing, so it just kind of happens, and he tries not to face his audience.

" _I set out on a narrow way, many years ago hoping I would find true love along the broken road_ ," there's a slight shuffling noise, and Dean looks up to find Cas has joined their little group, and his cheeks burn to know that he's watching, but he pretends like it's totally fine. 

" _But I got lost a time or two, wiped my brow and kept pushing through. I couldn't' see how every sign pointed straight to you_." The words hit home, and if he didn't know better, he would say Anna chose this particular song on purpose because it seems to fit him and Cas so perfectly - not that she knows any of that. 

" _Every long lost dream led me to where you are, others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars, pointing me on my way, into your loving arms, this much I know is true, that God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you-_ " he looks up to find Cas' eyes fixed on him, and it feels right. 

"I-" he stutters, pausing in his playing, "I can never remember the second verse."

" _I think about the years I spent_ -" Anna starts, and she's got a beautiful voice. Dean smiled and nods.

" _Just passing through. I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you_."

" _But you just smile and take my hand_ -"

" _You've been there, you understand. It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true_." Dean glances up again, but now Michael's sitting with them too, and Gabe and Zeke are leaning against the bar behind him. He's never had this much of an audience before, maybe Sam and Jess occasionally, but never more than two of them, and this is a little nerve-wracking. 

" _Every long lost dream led me to where you are, others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars, pointing me on my way, into your loving arms, this much I know is true, that God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you..._ " 

When he looks up, he catches Cas' gaze and holds it because ironically he's the one who's keeping him calm right now. The look on Cas' face is unreadable though, and Dean's not sure exactly what to think of it. 

" _Now I'm just rolling home into my lover's arm, this much I know is true, that God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you. That God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you_."

Dean presses his palm against the strings, exhaling slowly as everyone around him claps. He catches a glimpse of Hannah in the doorway and shuts his eyes, shaking his head, but Cas is smiling so softly that he can't help but smile to himself. Anna looks between the two of them with something like confusion on her face. 

"What's up?" she asks Cas. 

"It's uh- that's the song that was playing," he pauses, "when I realized I was in love with him."

Dean's heart races in his chest, but he manages to keep his voice steady as he says, "you never told me that."

"It never came up," Cas shrugs. His eyes never leave Dean's, and his lips twitch in the faintest of smiles. 

"Did I miss something?" Anna asks, looking between the two of them. Michael seems to notice the tension and he claps his hands together.

"How about a Christmas song?"

"I can do that," Dean grins, happy for the suggestion. 

He starts _The Christmas Song_ , but Cas is still looking at him oddly. Dean passes it off as the alcohol and continues with his music. After a little bit, Gabe disappears to put his Aislinn to bed, and when he and Kali come back down, they're joined by Chuck and Gail. It's fairly late, so everyone else is in bed, and that's the only thing that makes Dean feel a little bit better about his growing audience. 

Chuck actually comes and sits next to him, and Dean's nerves are shot because this is Cas' dad, and if they were actually dating Dean would be fucking terrified. As it is, he wants all of these people to like him, and that's part of what hurts, thinking he'll never see them again. 

As he starts into _Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas_ , Cas comes to sit next to him, and Chuck joins in as he sings. He loves this, being surrounded by these people who make him so happy and, in such a short time, have welcomed him wholeheartedly into their family. When he finishes, he lays the guitar down on his lap and Cas leans into him. Dean turns to him and Cas presses a brief kiss to his lips, smiling as he pulls away. 

It's after midnight, and when Dean announces that he's thinking of calling it, there's a chorus of agreement. Apart from a few of them who are planning on staying up, everyone heads back upstairs, and Dean and Cas say their goodnights before heading up to their room. 

Dean's antsy as he walks up the stairs; now that they're alone again, he can't stop thinking about what Cas said, about falling in love. He wants so badly to ask why he said it, but they are meant to be faking a relationship, and it could just simply be another lie. The line between their fake relationship and what's he's actually feeling for Cas is starting to blur, and he doesn't know if it's _them_ or if it's just _him_. 

They get into the room and Cas closes the door slowly, looking down at the floor. Dean doesn't move from where he's standing because he knows something's up. He wants to ask, it's rattling around in his head, and when Cas looks up at him with an awkward smile, he can't help the words that tumble out of his mouth.

"What you said earlier, about us-" Dean stops himself before he can say something really stupid, but Cas is closing the space between him. He slides his hand over Dean's jaw, pressing forward and kissing him soundly. He presses himself up against him, sliding the palm of his hand around the back of Dean's head, and holding him closer as their lips slide together. 

As far as answers go, it's a little ambiguous, but Cas is so earnest that maybe this is his answer. He leaves it at that for now, losing himself in the taste of alcohol on Cas' breath and the feeling of his body against him. Cas draws back, pressing his nose against Dean's cheek. His breath is hot against Dean's ear, and he rolls his hips up slowly. 

"I've been thinking about you all day," he breathes, "I wanted to get you alone just for five seconds." He kisses him again before Dean has a chance to respond, and then he's walking them backward, sliding his hands down and squeezing Dean's ass. Dean's knees bump against the bed, and he curls his arms around Cas' neck to keep from falling backward. 

Cas huffs a soft laugh against his lips, pulling back and slipping his hands under his shirt, slipping it up Dean's stomach. His eyes drop to watch as he lifts Dean's shirt and pulls it over his head. As soon as Dean's hands are free, he tugs Cas' shirt off with none of the care that Cas had. Cas laughs quietly at his impatience and slides up against him, pressing his nose into Dean's neck and sucking at the soft skin there. He rubs his nipples and Dean nearly doubles over, as pleasure ripples through him, but Cas' hands are already slipping down his sides, his fingertips grazing the sensitive skin between his hips. 

Dean rolls his hips forward, encouraging the touch, and Cas pops the button on his jeans, slipping his fingers under the rough fabric before dragging the zipper down slowly. He slides his hand inside, wrapping his fingers around Dean's length and tugging him gently. Dean moans at the touch, biting Cas' lip and pressing his tongue into his mouth. He kisses him soundly, delighting in the way Cas' breath hitches when he grazes his nipple, and the shuddering moans that disappear between their lips. 

He draws back when he realizes Cas has a hand shoved down the front of his pants, jacking himself. Dean drops onto the bed, adjusting himself in his jeans before sliding his palms up Cas' thighs. It only takes him a second to get Cas' pants around his ankles, and he slides his hands over his bare skin, mesmerized by the way Cas' fingers slide over the swollen length of his cock. 

"You like to watch?" he hums, and when Dean's eyes flick up to meet his, Cas bends down, cupping his jaw with one hand and kisses him. 

"You look so sexy," Dean breathes, panting as Cas' lips slide back behind his ear and down his neck. He pulls away, and Dean takes the chance to tug his hips forward, sliding his lips down Cas' stomach to the base of his cock. Cas moves his hands to Dean's shoulders, pressing into the touch until his cock bumps against Dean's jaw. He rolls his hips up, and Dean tilts back, flicking his tongue at the head of Cas' cock before sucking him down completely. 

The sounds that pull from Cas' throat as he sucks him are fucking beautiful, as much as he tries to hide them, and every moan and gasp goes straight to Dean's dick. He tries to keep his composure, but Cas' soft moans and the heady taste of him on his tongue are making it difficult. Dean's barely holding on as it is, but then Cas' hand slips down his stomach and into his jeans, tugging Dean's cock free from its confines, and any hope he had of control is gone. 

He moans around Cas' cock, and Cas rocks his hips forward before drawing back and pushing Dean back onto the mattress. He catches himself on his elbows, staring up at Cas, and he can't imagine what he looks like right now, because he's burning up and his dick is halfway out of his jeans, but Cas is watching him like he's the most glorious thing he's ever seen, his eyes dark with lust. Dean wants to ask what he's doing, but he doesn't get the chance before Cas drops to his knees. 

He tugs Dean's jeans roughly down his legs and pushes his thighs apart, shuffling forward on his knees until he can kiss his way up from Dean's knee. Dean shivers, the closer he gets to his cock, and his legs spread wider fo their own volition. He nudges his hips forward, desperate for something more than the burning kisses that Cas presses into his skin, and he's not disappointed. Cas' lips wrap around the head of his cock and Dean arches forward, gasping as his hips jerk up. 

Dean shuts his eyes as Cas' mouth slides over him, hot and wet and so _so_ good. His heart is racing, and but his mind is focused solely on Cas, and every inch of them that's touching. He reaches down, curling his fingers in Cas' hair and gives himself in to the slide of Cas' tongue over his cock and the brush of his fingertips along his inner thigh. 

Cas is enthusiastic, sliding up and down Dean's cock without hesitation, drawing sounds from Dean that he didn't know he was capable of making. He fists his hands on the sheets, thrusting his hips up to follow the motion of Cas' lips up his shaft. Dean whines as Cas pulls off his cock, but then his fingers press back, curling around his balls and rolling them in his fingers. His lips slip back over the head of Dean's cock again, sucking hard at the head, and flicking his tongue at the most sensitive spot just underneath. 

Dean props himself back up on his elbows, watching his cock disappear between Cas' lips, and as fucking amazing as it feels, he really wants to touch Cas. He sits up and when his cock slides along the roof of Cas' mouth, he almost changes his mind, but then Cas draws back and stands up with a look of confusion on his face. 

"Something wrong?" he huffs, and fuck, he sounds so sexy. 

"Not at all," Dean breathes, curling his hand around the back of Cas' neck and bending him down to kiss him. He bites Cas' lip, pulling back as he winds his fingers around Cas' length. 

Cas' breath stutters against his lips, and Dean kisses him firmly, licking the seam of Cas' lips as he strokes him steadily. Cas thrusts into his hand, taking pleasure in the friction and moaning his approval into Dean's mouth. He's been holding back up until now, and it's obvious in the way his hips jump, unable to keep up with Cas' urgency as he bucks forward. Dean's squeezes tighter, curling his fingers up around the head of Cas' cock and slipping through the pre-come that leaks from the slit. 

Cas shudders against him, leaning against Dean's shoulder for support as Dean's fingers slide down his back, pressing between his cheeks to rub at his hole. It's dry, but Cas obviously doesn't mind the discomfort, rolling his hips back into Dean's touch and constantly trying to fuck himself on him. Dean pulls back to keep from hurting him, and when he ducks down, taking Cas' length in his mouth, strong hands find the back of his head, pulling him forward until Cas' cock bumps against the back of his throat, and his thighs are shaking. Dean pushes further and Cas lets out a desperate moan that Dean worries will probably be heard in the adjoining rooms. 

He doesn't let up, despite the fear that anyone could interrupt them at any time, he draws back only slightly, sinking back onto Cas as far as he can until Cas gets the picture and rocks his hips forward. Dean moans around him, swallowing the little spurts of pre-come that land on his tongue, and his own cock throbs with need. 

He drags his hand down the length of his erection, and he knows Cas is watching him because there's a sharp intake of breath as he rubs at the head. The thought alone that Cas is paying attention turns him on even more, and he moans around Cas cock, hallowing his cheeks around him and sucking hard. He pulls back and slides forward until they're both breathing hard until he's not sure which one of them is taking more pleasure in Cas fucking his mouth. 

Dean works his hips in time with Cas' thrusts, but he can't keep this up forever, and the first hints of his orgasm creep up on him. He squeezes the base of his cock, giving a final flick of his tongue to Cas' cockhead before sitting back on his hands again. Cas looks down at him with dark eyes and flushed cheeks and Dean bites his lip, looking him up and down and pausing at the place where Cas' cock juts out from his hips. A week ago, Dean never would have dreamed to be here with Cas naked and aroused in front of him, but the way Cas looks at him now makes him think that it was inevitable. 

Dean tugs him closer by his hips, pulling him into his lap, "I don't wanna come yet," he breathes, his mouth dry, "but you're gettin' me there, baby- _christ_."

Cas shifts in his lap, pushing him further across the bed. He reaches between them, adjusting himself so his cock slips against Dean's with every shift of his hips. Dean cries out as they rub against each other and Cas catches his lips in a bruising kiss, grinding hard against him. Dean slides his hands down over Cas' ass, digging his fingers into the soft flesh and rocking up against him. He keeps up a steady rhythm, pressing forward with each thrust until they're slipping off the bed, and Dean's the only thing keeping Cas from falling onto the floor. 

He slides his hands under Cas' thighs, lifting him into the air before turning and kneeling back on the bed. Cas chuckles softly as Dean deposits him on the bed, tugging him down as soon as he has the use of his arms. Cas kisses him them, tender, but commanding, and Dean opens to him, sighing softly as Cas' tongue presses in along his own. Cas rolls his hips up, rubbing his cock against Dean's hip and slipping a hand between them to play with his nipples. 

Dean shifts just enough that he can lift Cas' leg out of the way, hooking his knee over his shoulder as he reaches back between Cas' cheeks. Cas' response is almost immediate, groaning into the air; he stretches out slipping his hand underneath his pillow and grabbing the bottle of lube. He presses it into Dean's free hand and jerks his hips up, rutting against his thigh. 

"You still wanna fuck me?" he grins, biting his bottom lip. Dean responds with a breathy _fuck yeah_ , before seals his lips against Cas' and slicking his fingers with lube. He presses into him again, a little too quickly if Cas' sharp inhale is anything to go by, and he tucks his head into the crook of Cas' shoulder.

"Sorry," he mumbles, "you're just so fucking sexy." Cas huffs a laugh against his ear, tipping his head to nip at his earlobe, and Dean pushes a second finger into him, before pausing to let Cas adjust. 

He rubs into him impatiently, stretching Cas open and fucking him with his fingers. It's hot and tight, and Dean presses desperate kisses into Cas' skin, groaning every time his cock pushes against his leg. Cas moans and gasps beneath him, pushing Dean's hand away, and just when Dean thinks he's going to get pushed away so Cas can do it himself he tugs him up, wrapping his arms around Dean's shoulders and kissing him in earnest. 

Dean shifts his hips down, pushing his cock between Cas' cheeks as he rocks against him. Cas makes no attempt to stop him, but when Dean shuts his eyes and kisses him, Cas rolls him onto his back, straddling his hips and rocking back against Dean's cock. 

His hands fall to Cas' hips, steadying him, but then Cas is rising up on his knees and Dean's cock is pressed against him. Cas sinks down on him slowly, drawing it out and Dean has to brace himself to keep from fucking up into him; he doesn't realize how his fingers are digging into Cas' skin until he's fully seated inside him and Cas stops. He relaxes his grip, smoothing over the red marks with his fingertips as he rolls his hips experimentally. Cas' whole body moves with him, rocking his own hips forward and Dean's reminded for the second time that Cas is anything but shy when it comes to sex. 

Cas sets the pace, rolling his hips, and after a few minutes Dean gives up trying to fight for control; it's obvious who's winning that battle anyway. Cas touches him as he fucks himself, sliding his hands smoothly up Dean's sides and chests, and it's so soft in comparison to the way Cas snaps his hips forward. 

He pulls his knees up, and Cas leans back against his thighs, rising up and dropping himself back on Dean's cock. Dean rubs his legs, sli[[ing up his thighs and just barely grazing the base of Cas' cock before sliding down. Every time, Cas presses forward into the touch, but Dean pulls back just in time. He's mesmerized by Cas, by the way his cock bobs obscenely every time he moves, and the way he bites his lip when he moans. He's so fucking beautiful, and Dean can't believe that he's lucky enough to be the guy who's with him right now. 

Cas inhales shakily and leans down, pressing his chest to Dean's, and kisses him briefly, tugging at his bottom lip, "I want you to fuck me," he breathes, and Dean groans his hips bucking up of their own volition. Cas nips at his neck and Dean jerks suddenly, rolling Cas onto his back and pulling out. 

"On your knees," he rasps, and Cas is quick to comply, bracing himself against the headboard. Dean drapes himself over Cas' back, pressing kisses up his spine as he rocks himself between Cas' cheeks. He presses in slowly, groaning at the way Cas clenches around him, and when he sinks fully inside, he pauses, curving a hand around to stroke Cas' cock. Cas jerks backward onto Dean with a groan, and Dean gasps, dropping forward onto his hands.

" _Oh, shit_ -" he presses his hips forward and Cas groans, pushing his hips back and forcing Dean deeper. Dean drags his fingers along the underside of Cas' cock because he knows it drives him wild, and Cas sounds so fucking sexy when he's desperate. He circles his thumb and forefinger around the head, slowly drawing his hand down the length of Cas' cock and then slipping back up in time with his thrusts. 

Cas drops his head back on his shoulder, nipping at his earlobe, and the small patch of skin on his neck that is within his reach. His breath is hot against Dean's neck and he leans into it, relishing the graze of Cas' teeth against his skin; it sends shivers down his spine and his hips jump forward hard. 

"Fuck, Dean-"

"Sorry," he huffs, but Cas is shaking his head, sucking at the sensitive spot right behind Dean's ear. 

"Don't' be, that was good." 

Dean snaps his hips forward again, and the sound the comes out of Cas is so fucking sexy that he does it again, and again. Cas all but whimpers under him, dropping his head and shoulders as Dean fucks into him. Dean wraps an arm around his shoulders, pulling Cas back against his chest; he fucks him hard, burying himself deep inside him as he strokes him. Cas' body fits against his own like it was made to, and just the feeling of him is enough to send shivers of pleasure down Dean's spine. 

Cas' breath gets shaky, and Dean knows he's close. He grips his cock more firmly, stroking him hurriedly in time with his thrusts, and Cas leans into him with his whole body, his hips twitching being fucking into Dean's hand and back onto his cock. 

"Oh baby, you are so fucking perfect," Dean mumbles, kissing Cas' neck and muttering against his skin, "so beautiful, so sexy." Cas is quiet except for the breathy moans and soft gasps that drop from his lips when Dean hits a particularly sensitive spot, and it's not long before he's curling his fingers around Dean's arm and digging his nails into the skin. It would probably hurt if Dean wasn't already so lost in the feeling of Cas around him and the scent of his skin. 

Cas lets out a cut-off moan, and Dean holds him tighter, "you gonna come?"

"Yeah," Cas breathes, his eyes shut tightly and nose pressed into Dean's neck, "yes, Dean, _please, please_ -" Dean barely has to move before Cas is coming with a cry, shooting up his chest as he breathes into Dean's skin. Dean strokes him through it, mindless of the stickiness coating his fingers, and Cas collapses back against him as he starts to relax. 

Dean drops back on his heels, and Cas pulls off of him; Dean groans at the loss of heat, and Cas turns to face him. He pushes Dean back against the mattress, and Dean catches himself on his elbows, keeping his eyes locks on Cas as he crawls up over him. 

"What are you doing?" Dean asks, but the breath is drawn from his lungs as Cas' palm slides up his cock, his thumb pressing firmly against the head. 

"You still have to come," he says simply before aligning Dean's cock and sliding back onto him. Dean's eyes fall shut and he drops back against the bed, shuffling backward to lean against the wall at the foot of the bed. 

Cas rides him relentlessly, working his hips expertly as he sits on Dean's cock; he gets up on his hands and knees, rolling his hips up and down the length of Dean's cock. Dean can't help but reach out and touch him, smoothing his hands up Cas' legs and curling up around his cock. Cas' thighs shake when Dean's fingers graze his cockhead, and he does it again, just to see the look on his face. Cas drops down onto him, leaning forward and grinding back on him. He kisses Dean soundly, thrusting his tongue between Dean's lips and moaning into him. 

Dean groans and bucks his hips up, fucking into him hard. He's so close, and the press of Cas' cock against his stomach is doing nothing to hold off his orgasm. Cas rolls his entire body against him, clenching around Dean's cock, and Dean throws his arms around Cas' shoulder, pulling him close and kissing his mouth. It's sloppy and breathy, but it feels so good, and he's so fucking close that he can't be bothered to care. 

"'M gonna come," he breathes, and Cas bites his lip hard, dragging his teeth along it and pulling up. Dean's whole body feels like it's on fire, and then suddenly Cas is pulling away, pulling off of him, and leaning down between his legs. "What are you-" Dean starts, but then Cas' mouth slips over the head of his cock, his tongue curling around him, and Dean's brain shuts down. 

The wet heat of Cas' mouth is too much, and when he pulls up and sucks at the head, Dean tips over the edge of his control. He comes with a cry, his fingers digging into Cas' thigh and the blankets, and Cas pulls off and leans over him, muffling his moans with his mouth. He reaches between them, stroking Dean through the waves f pleasure until he can't take it anymore. His legs are shaking involuntarily and he's so oversensitive that every time Cas' hand swipes up his cock, he shudders uncontrollably, but when he looks up and Cas is smiling down at him, he can't help but smile. 

He slips his hand up Cas' thigh and curls around his cock, "you're still so hard, baby. You wanna come again?" Cas bites his lip as Dean rubs the head of his cock. 

"You want to watch?"

"Hell yeah," Dean huffs. He slides his hands around Cas' hips and Cas shifts forward on his knees, straddling Dean's stomach. 

Cas takes his cock in his hand, stroking up to the tip slowly, and Dean can't keep his eyes off him. He watches as Cas jacks himself, and can't help touching him, rubbing the head of his cock and slipping down to push inside him. 

Cas' breath catches, and he bites his bottom lip, fisting his cock faster and curling his fingers at the head. His eyes drop shut as Dean reaches into him, finding his prostate easily and massaging that spot until Cas moans loudly. Dean presses a hand over his mouth, stifling a laugh, and shifts down to get better access to Cas' hole. He fucks into him hard, and Cas moans against his hand, jerking himself faster. He comes without warning, spurting hot and wet over Dean's chest, and Dean tugs him down kissing him hard and pressing into him once more before withdrawing his hand. 

Cas slumps on his chest, breathing heavily and pressing sloppy kisses against Dean's neck. His breath comes in hot puffs and Dean relaxes into the blankets, curling an arm around Cas' shoulders to hold him close. They lie together for a long time until the come smeared on Dean's skin is cold, and his eyelids refuse to stay up on the own. 

He turns his head smiling, and Cas pulls him over, kissing him softly and running his fingers over Dean's cheek, "you're amazing," he breathes. 

"Worth the wait?" Dean hums, and Cas bumps his nose against Dean's. 

"So worth it," he smiles. 

"I don't wanna move," Dean mumbles, shifting further onto his side to face Cas, "shower in the morning?"

"Okay," Cas agrees, "but I'm not letting you go to bed like that, come with me," Dean grumbles, but when Cas climbs over him and holds a hand out to him, Dean goes with him easily. He lets himself be led into the bathroom, and he leans against the sink as Cas runs warm water and soaks a cloth. He wrings it out and presses between Dean's knees, wiping the cloth over his stomach. It's nice at first, but when it starts to cool it's cold and uncomfortable. 

He nearly dozes off in the bathroom, but Cas tugs him back to bed and they curl up together, throwing the blankets over themselves. Dean presses in against Cas' neck, kissing him softly, and he falls asleep almost instantly with Cas' arm around his shoulder.


	7. Chapter 7

Dean wakes up with one thought circling through his mind: _tonight's the night_. Truthfully, he's been thinking about it since he talked to Hannah, but after last night, there's no way he can just walk away from this. If he does it tonight, it gives them both an out if it goes badly; he can pretend something urgent happened back home and he can take off without ruining Cas' Christmas. Alternatively, if things go the way he's hoping, this could very well be the best Christmas he's ever had. 

He lies in bed rehearsing what he's going to say for half an hour and then when Cas still isn't up, he heads for the shower to try and calm his nerves. Honestly, he's pretty sure it'll go over well regardless of Cas' answer, but it's the anticipation that's killing him. He's halfway through washing his hair when there's a click behind him and he jumps so high he nearly hits his head on the showerhead. 

"It's just me," Cas hums slipping up behind him and wrapping his arms around his waist, "I didn't mean to startle you, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I was just thinking about something. I didn't realize you were awake, I would have waited for you."

Cas hums, leaning in and kissing the side of his neck. He arches into Dean's back, sliding his hands up and into his hair, scrubbing out the shampoo. 

"You don't have to do that," Deam mumbles, but his eyes are closed and he can't deny that he likes the feeling of Cas massaging his head. 

"I know," Cas says simply, "soap?" 

Dean lifts the bottle of body wash off the ledge and passes it back to Cas, splashing water on his face to wash away the sweat and grime from the night before. He's surprised when smooth, slippery hands run up his back and over his shoulders and he rolls his shoulders back, but Cas just carries on like it's nothing, pressing soft kisses against the skin where the soap has washed away. When he's finished with Dean's back, he moves to his sides, slipping down over his hips, and Dean tips his head back to rest on Cas' shoulder. Cas tips his head to the side and his lips press tenderly against Dean's. 

The angle is awkward so Dean turns and Cas presses him up against the glass, slipping one arm around his waist. There's no heat behind Cas' kisses, but he's earnest and effective in distracting Dean from actually showering like he's supposed to. He wraps his arms around Cas' neck, letting himself be pressed up against the wall and kissed until the water turns cold. 

They take a couple of minutes to finish washing up before the water is too cold to stand, and then Cas pulls him out and wraps him in a towel with a soft little smile that sticks with Dean through the rest of the morning. When he's dry and dressed, he follows Cas downstairs for breakfast and he sits between Bart and Cas, but his thoughts are elsewhere. If Cas notices, he doesn't say anything, but he gives Dean the odd encouraging smile like he's not sure if everything's okay or not. 

Cas starts asking questions while they're washing up after breakfast, and Dean doesn't have a good lie, so he just kind of shrugs and says ' _nothing_ ' every time Cas asks him what's up. It doesn't get him very far because apparently Cas is a determined interrogator and he doesn't let up.

"You've been quiet ever since we got out of the shower," he says quietly, "did I do something wrong? You could have asked me to leave."

"Cas," Dean chuckles, exasperated, "you didn't do anything. You're perfect, okay? I'm just thinking about some things." He cups Cas' face in his soapy hands and kisses him quickly, "don't worry so much."

Cas frowns at him, clearly disbelieving, as he wipes the bubbles off his face and deposits them in Dean's hair, "you'd tell me if anything was really wrong, right?"

"I talked you to that first night, didn't I?"

"Yeah," Cas agrees, "you just seem to be oddly quiet this morning."

"I'm just tired," he lies. Cas can try all he wants to get it out of him, but Dean has a plan, and he's not going to let Cas' insistence ruin it.

❄ ❅ ❆ ❅ ❄

They have the house to themselves for a little while after breakfast; Naomi and Kali have taken Aislinn on a hunt to find snow because there's nowhere nearby with enough to go sledding, and the others have gone into town to get supplies for dinner tonight. Cas had explained the tradition before they arrived - a pre-Christmas dinner with all the neighbours, but now that it's today, it seems so much bigger than when he described it. They've been tidying the upstairs all morning, rearranging furniture to fit the thirty-something neighbours and family members, and already there are three separate crock pots plugged in on the counter.

Dean and Cas are currently in charge of making sure there are enough dishes for everyone, and making sure everything is clean, and it wouldn't be such a bad job if it didn't leave with Dean so much time to think and to worry. The main upside is that it puts Cas in the dining room, checking to see that everything is ready, and Dean in the kitchen to clean and polish. If they were stuck in the same room, he's pretty sure Cas would get it out of him what's on his mind, and he's not quite ready for that, not before the party tonight. 

Anna and Michael turn up just before noon with pizza, and the four of them sit around the kitchen table with a stack of five pizza boxes between them. Dean's happy for the break because his fingers are turning into prunes, and his back is sore from leaning over the sink. When they're finished with lunch, Michael puts the leftovers away and the other three head out into the yard.

❄ ❅ ❆ ❅ ❄

The Novaks have a big bonfire every year on Christmas eve, and there's still a lot of work to be done beforehand. The snow has melted for the most part, so when Cas starts piling things onto the bonfire, Dean and Anna work on raking the rest of the debris into neat piles for him. When Michael joins them, he distracts Cas long enough for Anna to pull Dean to the side.

"Hey, can I bug you for a minute?" 

"Yeah, what's up?" Dean asks, leaning on his rake. 

"Is something up with you and Cas?"

"No, we're good, why?" His heart is pounding, but he manages to keep his voice steady.

"You've been a quiet this morning, and you seem a little distant, I just wanted to make sure everything's going okay."

"Yeah, everything's fine, it's all good."

"Nothing at all?" Anna asks, incredulous. When Dean looks up, she has completely stopped working, and she's leaning on her shovel, looking at him like she knows he's hiding something, and she's not going to stand for that. 

"Nothing."

"You know, it's funny. You two don't seem like a couple in love."

Dean shrugs, but as he tries to return to raking, he overcompensates and almost knocks himself over with the rake. Correcting himself, he turns to face Anna again, "what do you mean?"

"I mean, the way Cas looks at you? I don't buy that you've been dating for eight months. Every time he looks at you, it's like he's seeing you for the first time. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a romantic at heart, but I have yet to find a couple who've been dating for the better part of a year and still look like they're falling in love all over again."

"Can I tell you something?" Dean blurts, "I uh-" he looks around to locate Cas and Michael, but they're far enough away that they won't hear him, "If you promise not to say anything?"

"Of course."

"Maybe," he stumbles, backtracking, "maybe I shouldn't. It's not my place."

Anna shrugs and gives him a sympathetic look, "I know you're not dating Cas."

"But-"

"Dean, I might not have grown up with him, but I think I've known Cas long enough to know that whatever's going on between you two is brand new. You're still shy and clumsy around each other, and honestly, it's adorable, but you're not pulling off the long-term relationship thing."

"I- how long have you known?"

"Long enough."

"I'm an idiot," Dean groans, pressing his forehead to the handle of his rake.

"No, you're not. Look, I don't know what's going on with you two, and it's not my place to ask, but I get the feeling that _this_ ," she says gesturing at Dean, "the whole feelings thing was not supposed to happen."

"Not really, no. I met Cas a week ago, I never expected him to be anything other than-" he falters, failing to think of something other than _a job_ , and he doesn't really want to explain the finer details of their arrangement to Cas' sister-in-law.

"A friend?" Anna offers, and he nods.

"Yeah. Does anyone else know?"

"No one's said anything, but I think they all kinda know."

Dean groans again, dropping down to sit on a stump. It's cold and wet, and he's going to have to change once they're done out here, but apparently, Cas' entire family can see right through him, and it makes him want to simultaneously throw up and bury his head in the sand. 

"I think I'm falling in love with him," he mutters into his hands.

Anna crouches down in front of him, crossing her arms over his knees, "what do you mean, _you think_."

"I've only known him for a week-"

"So? I was in love with Michael the moment I saw him," she smiles fondly at the memory, "I didn't realize that's what it was for a couple months, but the feeling never changed. Sometimes you just know."

"What do I do?"

"Whatever you're comfortable with. As far as the family is concerned, if no one's mentioned it yet, they're all happy to go along with your little lie so don't worry about them."

"What would you do?" he asks, and Anna shrugs. 

"Tell Cas the truth, and if you can't find the words, show him." Dean can feel heat rise to his cheeks and Anna raises her eyebrows at him, "or maybe you already have?" She chuckles and rises to her feet, clapping a hand on Dean's shoulder, "you'll be fine. I'm just glad Cas found you and not someone else."

Dean gives her a questioning look, but Anna just grins at him, and tugs him back up to his feet, "come on, we still have work to do."

He feels so much better after talking to Anna; it's like a weight has been lifted from his chest, and even though Hannah knows everything, she's Cas' twin sister, having Anna in the know feels somewhat like he's evened the playing field, and he feels a lot better about what he's going to do tonight. 

Cas approaches him when they've got the majority of the yard cleared. Dean's toes are frozen through his boots, and when Cas suggests they head back inside, he's relieved. It's nice being outside in the fresh air, but right now he could do with a hot coffee and a blanket. 

"What were you talking to Anna about?" Cas asks offhanded, just before they climb the stairs to the back porch.

"Not much," Dean lies with a shrug. Cas looks disappointed; he obviously knows that's not the truth, but Dean wants this to go properly, and he's not going to go spouting things off that will give him away. 

"Okay," Cas relents, but he sounds upset, and it tugs at Dean's heart. 

"Hey," he stops, tugging on the front of Cas' coat until he's facing him, "I told you, nothing's wrong, okay? We were just talking about tonight, I'm a little nervous about meeting so many people, that's all." He leans in and Cas meets him halfway, bumping his nose against Dean's as he kisses him. 

"I'm sorry," he breathes, but Dean shakes his head. 

"Don't be. I haven't been exactly forthcoming today."

Cas sighs, "it's not you. I'm worried that Hannah's not the only one who knows what's going on."

"What do you mean?" Dean asks, his heart racing.

"It's nothing, really, just some comment Michael made," he shakes his head, "I'm sure it's nothing to worry about."

"No," Dean agrees, "now let's go inside before my ass literally freezes off."

Apparently, while they were outside in the yard, people were arriving, and the whole family is in there when they get inside. Dean and Cas head up to their room to change, and Cas runs a bath for him to help him warm up. 

"You could join me?" Dean suggests with a smirk, but Cas shakes his head.

"You go ahead, I'm gonna head downstairs."

"Okay," Dean agrees, but he feels like he's done something wrong. Last night was amazing, and he's never felt closer to someone than he did then, but this morning could be a thousand years later for the way Cas is acting. He's not sure what happened between their joint shower this morning and now, but it seems like he's taken three steps backward, and maybe talking to Cas tonight isn't the best idea after all. 

He slips into the bathtub, grateful for the warm water on his icy skin, but he can't relax the way he wants to. He would be much happier if Cas was here with him, despite the discomfort that comes from fitting two full-grown men in a bathtub. He frowns and chews the inside of his lip, going over the events of the day and trying to figure out what the hell he did. The only thing he can think of is not talking to Cas about- 

It hits him mid-though. Maybe Cas thinks he's keeping something from him because he doesn't trust him, which is definitely not the case. 

"Cas?" he calls, but it goes unanswered, and he sinks a little lower into the tub. Why do relationships have to be so goddamn complicated? Why can't he just come out and tell Cas how he feels without fucking it up? Why does he have to plan every detail just so he doesn't make an idiot out of himself when all he wants to do is drag Cas into the tub with him and kiss him senseless. 

Dean doesn't bother trying to enjoy the rest of his bath, he just sits there until he's warm enough and then gets out and gets dressed in his best pair of jeans and an olive green shirt. It's getting late into the afternoon, and the house is full of the smell of food, but all he can think about are all the people who are going to be there tonight, all the people who are going to meet him for the first time and be told that he's Cas' boyfriend from Chicago. 

For a while, he just lays on Cas' bed, staring out the window at the snow falling on the trees, and thinks back on everything that's happened in the last few days. He can pretend to be Cas' boyfriend, no problem, it's apparently the longevity thing that he has issues with; it's not like he's had a whole lot of long-term relationships, so he doesn't know how to act. He wants to ask Anna, but he can't just text her and he doesn't want to go downstairs yet, so he googles it. 

Apparently, after a couple months, most couples ' _return to themselve_ s' instead of being with their partner 24/7, and yeah, Dean can see where they fucked that up. The only problem is, he's not confident enough in their lie to spend extended periods of time without Cas, in case something comes up that he doesn't know how to respond to. The whole thing is a mess, and Dean groans at himself for ever thinking he could pull this off. He rolls onto his stomach, pressing his face into the pillows.

❄ ❅ ❆ ❅ ❄

By the time Dean's feeling confident enough to join everyone downstairs, people have already started to arrive. Cas introduces him to everyone with a smile, standing closer than necessary, but Dean knows it's a front. He can see in his eyes, that Cas is still upset about something, even if no one else notices.

By the time five o'clock rolls around, the house is absolutely packed, and Dean's feeling more than a little self-conscious. It's like the first night all over again, only this time it's not quite as important, but there are so many people everywhere, even if Dean does know half of them by now. His instincts tell him to keep close to Cas; it's safe with Cas, and he's so much more comfortable when he's with him, but he's trying not to be so obvious about everything, so he tries to keep some distance between them. 

He even talks to the neighbours a little; there's an older couple - Rufus and Missouri - that he likes a lot. Rufus is a bad-tempered grouch, and Missouri always huffs and sighs at him, but it's clear she loves him a lot; they've got a good relationship and Dean sits with Missouri for half an hour, listening to her stories about the two of them when they were his age. They're interrupted by the call for dinner, but at least that means Dean can get away with not talking to anyone else because his face is full of food. 

There's no room to sit in the dining room, so Dean heads for the kitchen, but Cas finds him and pulls him out into the hallway, sitting down on the stairs and motioning for Dean to join him. He feels bad for ignoring Cas so blatantly, so he leans in a little closer than normal, pressing their shoulders together.

"You're not enjoying yourself, are you?" Cas asks without looking up. 

"It's all good," Dean shrugs, taking a bit of his garlic bread to fill the awkwardness. 

"After dinner, we'll go hang out downstairs," Cas says. 

"You don't have to do that."

"It's nothing," he shrugs, returning to his dinner. 

True to his word, Cas takes him downstairs after they eat, and they curl up on the couch with the TV on. Gabe and Kali are playing pool, and there's a man Dean doesn't recognize sitting at the bar with Kali on his knee. A friend of Gabriel's, Cas explains, and Dean nods, turning back to the TV. He settles against Cas' chest, twining their fingers together in his lap because even if Cas is mad at him, he's going to make the best of the situation.

Cas either resigns himself to cuddling, or doesn't have the energy to be mad anymore, because after a couple episodes of whatever weird cartoon is on TV - clearly, Aislinn was the target audience, here - he's got his arms wrapped around Dean, holding him back against his chest, his chin on Dean's shoulder.

"I'm sorry I've been grumpy," he mumbles into the crook of Dean's neck. Dean doesn't get a chance to respond because then they're being called upstairs because Bart and Naomi are leaving to spend the rest of the Holidays with her family. Dean pushes himself up off the couch and Cas follows after him to join up with the others in the hallway upstairs. 

When he sees them, Bart pushes through the crowd, pulling Cas into a quick hug before turning to Dean, "I'm so glad we got a chance to meet you, Dean. Maybe next time we'll have a better chance to visit."

"It might be a while," Naomi adds, sliding up next to her husband and rubbing her belly. "Maybe we'll come visit you two in Chicago after the little one's born."

"We'd love to see you," Dean smiles, "It was great to meet you both, Cas has a wonderful family." Cas squeezes his hand but doesn't add anything, and the group follows Bart and Naomi to the door, standing in the doorway and waving goodbye as they pull out of the driveway.

❄ ❅ ❆ ❅ ❄

When the last of the guests have left, Hael and Hannah are heading out for the night, Dean pulls Hannah to one side, fidgeting with his sleeves.

"I'm gonna tell him," he says, and despite the pounding in his chest, he can't help but smile, "I'm fucking terrified."

"Don't' be," Hannah smiles, "he loves you."

And there's that word again, the one he's been trying to ignore, "he told you that?"

"No, but I can see it. I know Cas better than anyone, remember?" she smiles at him, and reaches up to hugs him, "good luck, you won't need it."

"Thanks," he smiles. She leads him back into the hall, and Dean leans against the wall as they say their goodbyes for the night. 

Cas finds him shortly after, coming up and pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth, "you wanna watch a movie or something?"

"Actually," Dean starts, picking his words carefully, "I could use some fresh air, can we go for a walk?"

"Sure."

While they get bundled up in hats and scarves, Dean goes over his speech in his head; he knows what he wants to say, but he has a bad habit of messing up the things that are most important to him, and this one thing he wants to go well. 

Cas meets him at the back door with a pair of thermoses, and Dean takes his with a grin. They head up through the backyard and up the road, and Dean tries to focus on everything around him. It's started snowing again with determination, and already there's a frosty white layer on the ground and the trees. It's truly beautiful up here, and tonight could be the last chance he has to take it all in.

Cas takes his hand as they leave the paves road behind, and Dean's heart thuds in his chest, reminding him of the impending conversation that he's starting to wish he didn't have to have. Before he had a chance to back out, he blurts out,

"I want to talk to you." 

Once the words are out, it's a lot easier to rephrase them in his head, and he edits, "I wanted to talk to you, alone. About us. That's why I wanted to go for a walk." Cas' fingers twitch against his own, and Dean's overthinking everything now, and he needs to stop and just breathe. He looks up ahead at the road curving and disappearing between the trees, and he closes his eyes, wishing desperately that he can keep this, that he doesn't have to give up everything he's built up over the past few days, lies or no. 

Cas remains quiet as they start up the hill and round the bend, and Dean's afraid that it's a bad sign; that Cas doesn't want to talk about them because there is no _them_ because to him this is still a job. They're completely out of sight of the house now, walled in on either side by huge, snowy cedars the road leading away in either direction. 

They continue forward, and Dean's feeling more and more like this is the end when Cas suddenly interrupts the silence. 

"What did you want to talk about?"

"I don't want you to pay me for this," he says, and he's proud of himself because that came out clearly, and exactly how he was hoping for although the timing could have been better, but then Cas stops him, tugging him back by his hand. When Dean looks at him, his eyebrows are furrowed, and he looks more concerned than anything. 

"If this is about the sex, I thought you were okay with it, I wouldn't-"

"It's not about the sex."

Cas visibly relaxes, "then what's wrong? I thought we had an agreement?"

"We did, and I'm not backing out on you, I just don't want you to pay me."

"Dean, you told me you can't pay your rent, where are you going to live?"

"I dunno, I'll find somewhere- worst case scenario, I move in with Sam for a couple months."

"You'd rather let your brother fly you to California and live with him for a couple months than let me pay you for a job that was pre-arranged?" Cas asks, and he's sounding a little offended now, but he used the word _job_ and that's what sticks in Dean's mind. Already, his entire plan has fallen to shit, and he doesn't know where to go from here. 

"That's not really your problem to worry about Cas."

Cas just squints at him like he's a fucking idiot, and Dean doesn't know what to say, so he just shrugs and stands there, "are you kidding me?"

"Cas, I-"

"No. Does none of this mean anything to you? Did you really think everything we've been doing alone in my bedroom was just part of this? Our deal was out the window the first time I kissed you, but I'm still standing here, holding up my end. How can you tell me this isn't my problem?"

"Because it's not. Where I live has nothing to do with you," Dean bites. Cas turns away with his eyes closed, clenching his jaw. Dean sighs, throwing his head back, "this isn't how I wanted this to go."

"Really?" Cas mocks, "this isn't what you wanted?"

"Jesus christ, _no_."

"At least tell me why. Tell me why me paying you is such a big problem for you and I'll let you go."

"I don't want to go," Dean exclaims, "I never want to leave here. At home, I have canned pasta and my TV to keep me company. Here, I have all of these wonderful people, and they treat me like I matter, do you know when the last time I felt like I mattered to anyone was? And you..." he trails off, closing his eyes and inhaling deeply.

"What about me?" Cas asks, and most of the anger behind his words is still gone, but he's still looking for an explanation, and after that disaster of a conversation, Dean's lost a lot of his nerve to tell him.

"I want to stay here with you and finish this like I promised, but I don't want you to pay me, and I don't want you to worry about what I'm going to do when I get home."

"I can't help but worry. You told me the kind of things you used to do, and I don't want you to go back to that because you're too proud to accept my money."

"I'm not too proud," Dean insists, "I don't like taking money, I like working for my money, but I'm not. Not anymore."

"What are you talking about?"

"When I started, I was glad that I liked you because it's pretty hard to be someone's boyfriend if you don't like them, but then it got real. Then you kissed me with no pretense, with no one around to try and convince but me, and you did. Congratulations." 

The entire time he's speaking, there's a little voice inside his head that just repeats over and over again _don't tell him you love him_ , and Dean tries to listen to it, but he doesn't know what else to say. 

"I don't understand."

_Don't tell him you love him_. 

"I don't want you to pay me because I'm in love with you," well shit, that didn't exactly go as planned. He pauses and then the words are just spilling out of his mouth, out of his control, "I know that sounds ridiculous, because I've only known you for like five days, but-" The rest of his sentence is cut off by Cas' mouth pressing against his own, and Cas takes the mug from his hands, setting it down on the ground next to them. 

His hands slide over Dean's cheeks, pressing up under the edge of his hat, and Cas kisses him like it's the first time. Dean slips his arms around Cas' waist, pulling him closer and pressing into him. Their breath mingles in soft white clouds between them, and when Cas draws back, his cheeks are flushed but he's beaming at him. 

"Me too," he breathes, "I was so afraid you were just going along with it because I- it doesn't matter." He shakes his head, curling his fingers around Dean's neck, and Dean can't help but dip down to kiss him again. 

"You can live with me," Cas says, breathless, and Dean cocks an eyebrow at him.

"Maybe we should start with a proper date?"

"I mean so you don't have to move to California."

"Cas, I can't let you do that. It wouldn't be permanent, just until I can get back on my feet."

"Then that's how long you can stay with me."

" _Cas_ -"

"My motives aren't entirely unselfish," Cas interrupts, "I don't want you to be homeless, but I don't want you to move to California either - I want you to be close. I have a two-bedroom apartment, and right now my spare room is just an art supply room. We don't have to rush into anything, but I don't want to lose the chance to be with you because you can't afford to live in Chicago."

"Okay," Dean agrees, slumping his shoulders and dropping his forehead against Cas', "okay." He tips his head so their lips meet again, and when he tries to pull away, Cas just pushes forward, deepening the kiss and holding Dean close against him. 

When they part, they're both breathing heavily, and Dean smiles at Cas, shaking his head, "this is crazy."

"What is?"

"You just asked me to move in with you, and I don't even know anything about you."

"Okay," Cas nods, "I love my family, I love you," his eyes drop sheepishly, and he bits his bottom lip. Dean pulls him a little closer. "I am an artist, but you already know that, um- I like tea and bumble bees, but I hate getting up before nine unless I'm doing something fun, I have terrible road rage. I'm not afraid of spiders or public speaking, but I'm terrified of not being good enough, and I would rather live with someone I barely know that risk losing him."

"I'm glad," Dean hums, and Cas smiles at him, "because I fuckin' hate spiders."

❄ ❅ ❆ ❅ ❄

When they get back, Cas leads him upstairs and he finds them something to watch while Dean strips down and climbs into bed. Cas follows suit, curling up next to him, and he smiles.

"I didn't think I'd ever be happy to leave here," he says, "but I'm actually looking forward to it for once."

"Don't get too excited," Dean chuckles, "when we get home we have to pack up my entire apartment before the first."

Cas shrugs, "there are worse things I could be doing with the rest of my vacation." 

Dean shuts his eyes, listening to the TV in the background. He's so warm and comfortable, and when Cas' leg pushes between his, he turns into him, slipping his hands down over Cas' ass and tugging him closer. There's a huff of a laugh, and then Cas' arm comes up around the back of his neck and he's kissing him, soft and slow and Dean presses into him with a hum. For the first time since he got here, he feels entirely at peace.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, shit. For some reason, this whole time I have been thinking this would be done tomorrow (probably bc I adjusted the chapter count halfway through), but this is it. I never thought I would get this done in time to have it up for Christmas, but here it is! Thank you all so much for your kudos and your lovely comments (sorry I can't reply to them all!). Thank you for reading <3

Christmas eve dawns bright and cold; light shines in through the cracks in the blinds and Dean buries his head in his pillow. If there's one thing he should be able to count on in the winter, it's that he doesn't get woken up by the sun. Normally, getting back to sleep would be easy, but he's been up for all of five minutes this morning and his cock is already being highly uncooperative. He groans and rolls onto his stomach, burying his erection in the sheets, but it does nothing to suppress the nagging sensation. 

He shuts his eyes and folds his arms under his head, trying to focus on the forthcoming celebrations, but that doesn't work either. Cas is still fast asleep next to him, snoring softly, and he looks so peaceful, so beautiful, and Dean doesn't want to wake him up, so he turns his head away and lies there, staring blankly into the room as his cock twitches beneath him. 

He shifts his hips in an attempt to get comfortable, but his cock rubs against the sheet and a breathy gasp pulls from his lungs. He gives another short thrust, all but melting into the bed as pleasure runs through him. Sometimes he hates his stupid body, because he doesn't want to get off lying in bed next to Cas, but this is driving him insane. Grumbling to himself, he shifts closer to Cas, throwing an arm over his waist and shutting his eyes. If nothing else, at least he can be warm and comfortable against Cas. 

He leans in, kissing Cas' shoulder, and pressing his nose into the skin in the middle of his shoulder blades. Cas stirs, unwaking, and shifts back until he's pressed against Dean's chest, his ass pushed back so Dean's cock fits between his cheeks. Dean's breath catches, and he buries his face in the crook of Cas' neck, pressing soft kisses into his skin to distract himself from the smooth heat surrounding his neglected erection. 

Dean manages to keep himself calm, focusing on the sound of Cas' breath and the rise and fall of his body as he sleeps, but he can't resist the heat that radiates from him. He rolls his hips slowly, careful not to disturb Cas, dragging himself along Cas; heated flesh and he has to bite back a moan. _Too much_ , he tells himself, dropping his head against the pillow. 

This is ridiculous; it's not like it's the first time he's woken up with morning wood. It's not even the first time it's happened with someone else in his bed, or him in theirs. Cas is just different, and everything has to be more complicated with him, and maybe that's why Dean didn't just wake him up immediately, maybe he'd rather suffer in silence. But then again, Cas is the one who started everything in the first place, maybe he'd be okay with it. 

He slides his arm over Cas' hip, brushing his fingertips over his hip bone and sliding down toward the base of his cock. Cas' hips push forward into the touch and Dean hums against his skin, pushing further down into the wiry hair. Cas is soft, his cock flopped to one side, but he hardens quickly under Dean's touch, pressing his fingers apart as his cock swells. Dean mutters a heavy _fuck_ , dragging his fingers up the length of Cas' cock. 

Cas shifts under him, pulling in a sharp breath and turning back toward Dean. His eyes are still shut, but he moves enough that he can get an arm around the back of Dean's neck, pulling him close, and it's pretty clear that he's no longer asleep. His fingers slip through Dean's hair, brushing it forward and back as his hips rise and fall with the shift of Dean's hand. His breath is coming in heavy puffs against Dean's chin, and when he dips down to kiss him, Cas meets him halfway, pressing his lips firmly against Dean's. 

He pushes Dean over onto his back, propping himself up on his hands, and when he pulls back, he's smiling down at Dean, his cheeks flushed with colour, "good morning."

Dean runs his hands up Cas' thighs, "morning."

Cas shifts so he's straddling Dean's thighs, adjusting himself so his cock presses against the side of Dean's. He rolls his hips tentatively, and Dean's eyes flutter shut, his fingers digging more firmly into Cas' skin as sparks shoot up his spine. His knees pull up reflexively as Cas rocks against him again, and his own sensitivity catches him off guard. 

"What's with you this morning?" Cas mumbles, leaning down over him, and kissing him softly, "you're so sensitive." Dean doesn't know what to say to that, because honestly he doesn't know why he's already on the brink, so he just groans and throws his head back as Cas presses forward again. 

He's so close already; it feels like even the barest of touches will make him come, and he tries to hold out, refusing to let Cas get his hands on him, despite Cas' best efforts. Dean flips them, holding Cas' wrists against the pillow above his head, and Cas smirks up at him, but he can barely focus. He's toeing the line now, fingers tight around Cas' wrists as he rocks his hips steadily and Cas is pushing, _pushing_ him toward that edge. 

A well-timed thrust on Cas' part is all it takes to send him spiralling out of control. He drops against Cas' chest, tucking his head under his chin and rutting desperately against his hip. Cas holds him through it, kissing him soundly and running his hands down his back until Dean's cock finally stops twitching against his stomach. 

Cas shifts him onto his back, kissing up the length of his torso, and Dean just sinks into the mattress, heavy and sated. He shuts his eyes and relaxes into the sheets, running his hands lazily up Cas' arms as he moves against him, slow and gentle. Cas pulls back, sitting back on his heels, and Dean cracks an eye at him, watching as Cas leans forward, reaching under the pillow. Realizing what he's doing, Dean arches up and wiggles into the sheets. He keeps his eyes shut, revelling in the feeling of Cas' hands on his thighs, pushing them apart and sliding up between them.

Cas presses into him slowly, twisting his fingers and pushing all the way in. He's quick about it, spreading him open and rubbing into him; Dean thinks it's because he's impatient, but he learns quickly that it's because Cas is distracting him. Wet heat engulfs the head of his cock, and Dean's still really sensitive; he cries out without thinking about it, his hips jumping to meet the heat of Cas' mouth. 

"Shh," Cas chides, softly, "you don't want to wake anyone up." He tilts forward, claiming Dean's mouth as he works his fingers into him more quickly. Cas breaks the kiss, sighing lightly as he makes his way down Dean's chest and stomach, pressing kisses into his skin as he goes. This time, when his mouth slips over him, it's not such a shock, and Dean manages to stifle the moan the bubbles up, biting down on his lip. He tilts his head up, watching the way Cas' head bobs in his lap, the way his pink lips spread around his girth. 

" _Cas_ ," he groans, " _ohh, Cas_ -" 

Cas pulls up, sucking at the head of his cock before pulling off completely. He steadies himself on Dean's thigh with one hand, aligning himself to press his cock against Dean's hole, and Dean pushes back on him. He can feel himself spread around Cas' thick cock, opening to him, and he moans as Cas bottoms out. Cas' hands rub his thighs as he steadies himself, sliding up to grip Dean's hips. He rocks his hips forward slowly, tentatively, rubbing his thumbs against Dean's skin. 

"I'm okay," Dean breathes, "come on baby." Cas makes no indication that he's heard him, or that he's paying attention at all, but he thrusts his hips forward quickly, and Dean drops his head back against the pillow, "yeah, baby. There you go."

Once he gets going, there's no stopping him; Cas fucks Dean hard and fast, gripping his hips hard, and Dean's just along for the ride. He arches up, wrapping his legs around Cas' thighs, and pushes back onto him with every thrust. His blood boils, and heat swells within him, and he can feel pre-come drip from his cock despite the fact that he's not even hard. 

Cas drops onto his elbows, pressing himself against Dean's stomach as his thrusts falter. He buries himself deep inside him, and Dean can feel the shudder that runs through him as he comes, his thighs shaking against him. He rolls his hips against Dean's ass and kisses him soundly as he withdraws. Dean's heart is racing, and when Cas rolls off of him, chuckling softly, he twines their fingers together. 

"I don't think I'll ever stop being amazed by you," Cas hums, rolling his head to look at him. 

"I hope not," Dean grins, shifting to close the space between them. Their lips meet briefly, and Dean smiles against him, biting his lip as he pulls away, "do we have time for a quick shower before we head down?" 

Cas pulls his phone down off the windowsill, checking the clock, "I'm inclined to say no, because I'd much rather just lie here, but we probably should."

"What's the plan for today?"

Cas rolls over him, climbing off the bed, "come on, I'll walk you through it in the bathroom."

❄ ❅ ❆ ❅ ❄

Breakfast is set up when they get down to the kitchen, and everyone but Balthazar is already sitting around the kitchen table. Dean takes a seat next to Hannah while Cas gets them coffee, and she smiles at him, leaning into him with her shoulder.

"How was your night?" she asks, and Dean can tell exactly what she means by the look in her eye.

"It was good. Really good." Cas chooses that moment to join them, sliding a mug in front of Dean and leaning in to kiss his temple. 

"What was good?" he asks.

"Our walk last night."

"Oh," Cas' lips pull up at one side, and his eyes shine, "yeah, that was good."

"Good," Hannah smiles, "I'm glad. It's about time," she adds in a much subtler tone, staring directly at Cas. 

"Just because-" Cas starts, but he's interrupted by Balthazar sauntering into the kitchen. Chuck jumps up to get plates for them all, and Gabriel chooses that exact moment to come in from the dining room with Aislinn in one arm. 

"Mornin' Cassie," he smiles. "You decided to come down after all." He sets Aislinn down on the floor, and she waddles over to Kali, but Gabe leans over Cas, "you hungry?" he asks, "or have you already eaten?" 

Dean nearly chokes, but Cas, calm as can be, turns and looks Gabriel dead in the eye, "I could eat." He pushes himself up out of his chair, and Gabe follows after, nattering at him. 

Breakfast is drawn out this morning; there's french toast and more bacon than Dean could ever eat, and Gabe's already drinking spiked eggnog, so what the hell; he might as well too. When they're finishing up, Kali comes up behind him and Cas. 

"We're taking Balth to the airport in a bit, and then we thought we'd take Aislinn skating, do you want to come."

"Sure," Cas answers easily. Dean scowls at him. "What?"

"I don't skate, remember?"

"You did fine last time," Cas grins, "and I'll be there to make sure you don't fall on anyone again."

"You fell on someone?" Gabriel asks.

"No," Dean defends, but Cas mutters next to him,

"It was a close call."

❄ ❅ ❆ ❅ ❄

The airport is a forty-five-minute drive from the house, and there isn't space for all of them in Gabe's car, so they take both. Dean trails along behind, because he has no idea where he's going in this city, and as good a navigator as Cas was on the way up here, he's gotten them lost twice, and Gabe had to come back and find them.

Once they get there, everything else goes smoothly; they stay with Balthazar as he checks his bags, and then they sit together in the lounge for a bit. Dean learns the reason Balth's leaving is to go home to his fiancee for what remains of the holidays, and they talk a little about England before Balth has to go through customs. Cas hugs his brother, and they stay and watch as he disappears into the crowd of people. 

"Alright," Gabriel says, turning back to them, "who's up for skating?"

Getting back to the rink is much easier, considering they've just made the trip basically in reverse, and Cas actually knows how to get there. There are dozens of people around, despite the fact that it's nearing lunch time, and Dean's not as enthusiastic as he was earlier, which isn't' saying much. After they rent their skates, he buys a hot apple cider and takes a seat at the edge of the rink. 

"You're not coming?" Kali asks, and he shakes his head.

"Maybe in a bit."

She nods a response as she finishes lacing up her skates, and glides gracefully out into the center of the rink where Gabriel and Aislinn are waiting for her. Dean watches after them, smiling to himself; he's never considered marriage or a family before because it just seemed so unattainable, but watching these two, and having spent the past days with Cas' family, he thinks it might be something to think about. 

Cas plops down beside him, bumping against his shoulder, "what are you looking at?" he asks.

"Nothin'," Dean grins, turning to kiss him briefly, "just thinking."

"About what?"

"You, your family, all of this. I know that none of this was your intention, but thank you for this."

"For what?" Cas huffs a soft laugh, "for making you come skating again?"

"No, for Christmas. The last Christmas I remember was spent in a musty hotel room and the tree we had was two feet tall."

"Well, you know you're always welcome here," Cas smiles, "and we can have our own Christmas next year." He ties his laces and pushes himself onto his feet, "you sure you don't want to come with me?"

"Pretty sure. I'll watch you from here."

"Later?"

"We'll see."

Later turns into not at all as the morning wears on, but Dean's content to watch the others, especially when Gabe and Kali take Aislinn's hands and pull her along between them; he's never seen a child smile so wide, and he can't help but grin to himself. Cas' family are the exact opposite of his, and it makes him wonder how things would have gone if his mom was still here; John was fine up until that point, maybe they could have been like this. He pulls out his phone without thinking about it, and dials Sam's number. It only rings twice before he picks up.

"Hey, Dean."

"How's it going?"

"Hectic. You?"

"Surprisingly not," Dean chuckles, "I was just thinking about you guys. Are you going to Jess' parents' place tonight?"

"Yeah, we'll probably spend the night. It's easier than driving all the way home."

"I'm sorry I cancelled on you this year-" he starts, but Sam interrupts.

"Hey, don't worry about it. How's that going for you by the way?"

Dean bites his lip, looking up at where Cas is skating circles around his brother and sister-in-law, and he smiles, "really well, surprisingly."

"You figured things out then? Because the last time we talked you were freaking out. How long did you suffer through the awkwardness before you said something?'

"I didn't actually," Dean starts, defensive, "it's been a lot less awkward than I thought it would be." It helps that Cas was the first one to make a move, he thinks, but he doesn't mention that to Sam.

"You're not denying that you talked to him though."

"I'm not," Dean agrees, "look, I know I wanted to talk to you alone tomorrow, but I want you to meet Cas."

"Yeah, sure Dean. You don't have to ask my permission."

"Okay," Dean nods, "I should go through. Looks like we're heading home. Have a good day, wish Jess a merry Christmas for me."

"Will do. You too, Dean." The call ends just as Cas slides up to him, plopping himself down next to him on the log. 

"I think we're gonna head home now. Anna just called and said they're getting everything ready for the bonfire."

"Awesome," Dean grins.

❄ ❅ ❆ ❅ ❄

When they get back, the house is empty and there's a little note on the kitchen table saying they're out in the yard. Cas grabs them a couple drinks and they head out to join the others.

The bonfire isn't lit yet, but it still looms in the distance, and Dean judges it to be about ten feet tall, give or take. Chuck and Zeke are gathering up the last little bits of debris to throw on top, and the others are sorting out food. They've got a makeshift table - a piece of plywood balanced on a stump - with various snacks and drinks, and there are a couple chopped logs serving as seats around it. 

Cas takes a seat on one of them, hauling Dean into his lap, and they watch as Michael throws gasoline onto the pile, and then Anna and Michael light either side. Considering the gas, and the amount of kindling, it takes a few minutes to get going, but when it does, they have to move back about two feet because it's so much hotter than they were expecting. 

They roast hot dogs and make s'mores and Dean laughs more than he has in the past five years. Michael brings out his guitar a little while later, and they sing Christmas carols and kids songs for Aislinn and pretty much whatever anyone wants to hear. Cas' arms wind around his waist, and they move to the music, and Dean shuts his eyes, savouring the moment. Tonight he's got a loving family to spend Christmas with, and he's got Cas, and when they go home in two days, everything is going to change. for the better. To think, he almost never called Cas at all; he almost deleted that photo and went on with his life, hoping something better would come along. 

"I'm glad I called you," he hums, dropping his head back onto Cas' shoulder. "I almost didn't. I thought maybe you were some creep or something, but I was desperate, and I did it anyway." He pauses, pressing his nose into Cas' neck, "I'm glad you're not a creep."

"Thanks," Cas chuckles, "I'm glad you called too. I can't imagine this going any better."

"And when we get home?"

Cas shrugs, "we can talk about home later, don't worry about that right now." Dean shifts in his lap and Cas kisses his head, "Dean, we found each other on a one in a million chance, you don't have to worry about what happens next. That's the easy part."

"Okay," Dean grins. He nuzzles back against Cas' neck, watching flames leap from the huge bonfire in front of them. Gail and Chuck disappear a little while later with Gabe and Kali, and the rest of them stay out around the fire until after dark. 

It's getting cold, and despite the blanket that Hannah wraps around them, the cold seeps in, and he starts to shift uncomfortably against Cas' chest. He gets up, turning back to Cas and tugging the blanket around his shoulders. Hannah's the only one left out with them, and Dean doesn't feel bad leaving Cas with her. 

"I'm gonna head in," he says, "I'm freezing."

"I'll come with you, dinner will probably be ready soon anyway," he turns to Hannah, "you coming?"

"Yeah," she nods, looking over at the bonfire. It's burned down enough that it won't be a problem, but she scoops a couple shovels of dirt on it anyway until the embers die out. 

They head back down to the house, and Anna's leaning out the back door with a smile on her face, "good timing, we were just gonna call you for dinner."

❄ ❅ ❆ ❅ ❄

Dean doesn't think he'll ever get used to the amount of food provided by the Novak family; they're down three people since the beginning of their trip, and there's still more food than any of them could reasonably eat. Afterwards, Dean feels like he's going to burst, and he and Cas sprawl out on the couch to relax. Hael and Hannah join them after a few minutes, and they flick on the TV, finding the first thing that comes on and settling for that.

It's a kids' movie about Santas sons, and when Gabe comes and plops Aislinn down in Cas' lap, she seems to thoroughly enjoy it. She leans back against Cas' stomach and kicks her legs whenever something interesting happens. She's adorable, and Cas seems more than happy to have her in his lap, bouncing her on his knee as she giggles. 

They watch three or four short movies before Kali comes and collects her daughter, "bedtime sweetie, say goodnight." Aislinn waves to them, but she's visibly sleepy, rubbing her eyes as Kali lifts her from Cas' lap. He waves to her, and she wiggles her fingers over Kali's shoulder. 

"You ever thought about having your own kids?" Dean asks, and Cas gives him a skeptical, half-smile. 

"I know I already asked you to move in with me, but kids seems a little fast," he smirks. 

"That's not what I meant."

"Not really, but then again, I don't want to be a single dad, and I've never had a relationship that was serious enough to consider it."

"You're really good with her."

Cas shrugs, "she's my niece. It's different than having my own kid."

"Yeah, I guess." Dean leans into his side, "I like your family," he hums.

"You've mentioned that." 

Anna appears at that moment, peering around the corner, "hey, we're gonna go for a walk, you guys in?" There's a general murmur of agreement and everyone rises from their seats. Dean pushes himself up, pulling Cas with him, and they head to the back door. 

There's a brief scuffle as everyone tries to get their coats and boots on in the four-by-eight room; Kali is staying behind, and Chuck and Gail stay with her, but there's still eight of them spilling out into the hall. Gail makes them all hot cocoa before they head out, and Michael pulls out a bottle of Kahlua and rations it out between them. Chuck just rolls his eyes at his wife, and they usher their children out the door into the snow. 

It's just as beautiful as it was the night before, and this time he doesn't feel like he's gonna puke the whole time. He lets his mind wander as they walk up the road, imagining everything he and Cas can do together when they get home. he grins to himself, picturing a dopey Cas with bedhead in his kitchen every morning - _their_ kitchen, at least until he gets himself back on his feet. 

Cas seems to realize he's spacing out, and he comes up behind him, wrapping his arms around him and kissing his neck. Dean smiles and pulls him around, tugging Cas close but the front of his coat. Cas kisses him deeply, slipping a hand around Dean's middle to keep him closer; his breath is hot against Dean's skin, and it only serves to encourage him. 

"Maybe we should have stayed back," Cas huffs, and Dean draws back, But Gabriel intervenes before he gets a chance to reply. 

"Get a room, you two!"

Cas hands his mug to Dean, bending down and picking up a handful of snow before moulding it into a ball and hucking it in Gabe's direction. There's a muffled shout from his direction, and then Gabriel retaliates, and Cas ducks down, narrowly avoiding getting hit. This sets off an exceptionally vicious snowball fight, made all the more amusing by the fact that everyone is a little buzzed between the spiked hot chocolate and the rest of the alcohol that seems to flow freely in the Novak house. 

Cas pulls Dean off the road suddenly, and he nearly loses his balance, bracing himself on a tree. He turns to face Cas and finds himself pushed back against the trunk of the tree. He's covered in snow, and he's pretty sure some of it went down the back of his shirt, but Cas doesn't seem to notice any of that; he presses in against him, his knee pushing between Dean's thighs. 

"I'd really like to fuck you right now," he breathes, kissing Dean's neck. Dean tips his head back, giving Cas the space to move up under his jaw.

"You're drunk," he huffs.

"Not that drunk," Cas hums, sliding his hands down Dean's sides. One hand slips up under Dean's coat, and he pushes Cas back. 

"First of all, I'm not getting naked in the snow," he laughs, "so you're just gonna have to be patient, and secondly, it's Christmas Eve, we're gonna enjoy a lovely walk with your family." Cas scowls at him, but Dean pulls him into a brief kiss and then tugs him back toward the road before Cas can argue. 

The snowball fight seems to have ended, and luckily no one has noticed they were missing. They hurry to catch up to the rest of the group, but Cas is still frowning at him. When they catch up, Dean pulls him in close.

"Look, when we get home - in the summer - you can fuck me wherever you want, but right now it's like two degrees outside and I'm cold with my clothes _on_."

"Fine," Cas relents, "but I'm going to hold you to that promise."

"I can deal with that."

After that, they keep up with the group for the most part, chatting about the past few days and what's to come. Dean listens enough to reply, but he has his own plans to think of for the coming year and that takes over most of his consciousness, not to mention the fact that he has to move pretty much as soon as he gets home. 

When they fall behind again, Cas stops Dean, pulling him into him, "seriously," he breathes, "can we go home before I do something you _and_ my family are going to regret?"

Dean huffs a soft laugh, "yeah baby, we can go back." 

Cas tugs him close for a quick kiss before shouting forward to his siblings, "we're heading back!" He grins at Dean and they hurry back down the road. When they reach the edge of the Novak's property, Cas presses him up against a tree, kissing him hard, and this time Dean doesn't protest. 

He lets Cas push between his legs, nipping eagerly at his neck, his breath sending shivers down Dean's spine. Heat rushes through him, and it's a good thing one of his hands is still occupied or he'd be tempted to rip Cas' clothes off of him right here and now. He slips his hands up under Cas' coat, and he pulls away suddenly. 

"Come on," he huffs, taking Dean's hand again. He pulls him toward the house and they stumble in through the back door, kicking snow off their boots and tugging their snow clothes off. Gail and Chuck are in the kitchen, and Cas stops briefly to say goodnight before heading back into the hall. Dean follows him up to their room and closes the door behind him immediately.

"Hey," he smiles, backing against the door as Cas steps into his space. His mouth is hot and eager as it moves against his own, and Dean moans softly into the kiss. Cas has him out of his flannel and t-shirt in no time, and he drops to his knees, kissing his way down Dean's stomach before turning to his belt. Dean breathes heavily, shutting his eyes and leaning back against the door. He pushes his hips out as Cas gets his belt undone, and then his jeans are pushed down and out of the way and his breath hitches in his throat. 

Cas spins him around so he's resting on his arms with his ass pushed out, and when Dean moves to adjust, Cas stops him, squeezing his cheeks and spreading him open. His breath dusts hot and damp over his skin, and Dean's hips press back involuntarily. Cas doesn't delay for long, surging forward and licking over Dean's hole. He's eager and passionate; thrusting in as deep as he can with his tongue and kissing around the puckered ring. Cas eats him out like it's everything he's ever wanted, slipping a finger into him as soon as it's wet enough. 

Dean's cock bobs between his legs, rock hard and leaking and he pushes back onto Cas, groaning against his arms. He can feel Cas shifting behind him, shrugging out of his shirt, and he pulls away long enough get his t-shirt off before diving back in again, and Dean's lost to the heat of his mouth. He grips the base of his cock, rubbing himself slowly as Cas fucks him open with his tongue and his fingers. 

Cas pulls away, standing up, and Dean can hear him shuffling around behind him. When he presses up against Dean's back, he's completely naked, or at least every part of him that's touching Dean, and his ock pushes impatiently between Dean's cheeks. It's such a tease, and Dean presses back to encourage him, but it does nothing but make him more desperate for it. Cas' cock presses against his rim and he pushes back, but its rough and a little uncomfortable. 

"Fuck me," he groans, "baby, come on."

Cas leans right over him, biting gently at the skin on his shoulders, "stay right here, okay?"

Dean nods obediently, dropping his cock in favour of supporting his head with both hands. Cas returns a moment later and Dean can hear the slick slap of his hand on his cock. His fits himself up against Dean, adjusting himself so the head of his cock pushes again his rim, breaching the puckered ring. It's much smoother now, and Cas slips into him without hesitation; he's impatient tonight, taking no time to touch or kiss before getting right down to it, and Dean is totally on board. He pushes back and Cas' palms slide up his back to grip his shoulders. 

Cas rolls his hips slowly, testing Dean's stance or something, and when he seems satisfied; when Dean doesn't immediately fall over, he snaps his hips forward hard. He pounds into him, wrapping an arm around Dean's chest, and bracing himself on the wall with the other. His lips are hot against Dean's neck, kissing and biting and sucking at his neck and shoulders; he's so eager tonight, and Dean doesn't know what's brought it out, but he'd like to know so he can do it again, as often as possible.

Every forward thrust sends electricity through him, and Dean leans against his elbows, panting as Cas fucks him without restraint, his cock throbbing between his legs. He reaches down, but Cas beats him to it, grazing his fingertips along the underside of his shaft before curling them around him and stroking up to the head. Dean's knees all but buckle underneath him, and he lets out a low, whining moan, pushing into Cas' touch. 

" _Please, baby_ ," he mumbles, trembling as Cas strokes him. 

"Turn around?" Cas asks, breathless. Dean nods against his arm, grunting as Cas pulls out of him. He turns and leans against the wall, but Cas tugs him forward, bending at the knees and hauling Dean up into his arms in one swift motion. It catches Dean off guard, and he grabs Cas' shoulders to steady himself; Cas chuckles softly, leaning in to kiss him, and he pushes back into him. 

He breathes into Dean's mouth, his lips parted as he presses him back against the wall and rocks his hip up. Dean's eyes flutter shut, and he bites Cas' lip, circling his arms around his neck. This new position is so much more intimate, and yet somehow even more arousing; he's wrapped around Cas completely, and Cas' nose bumps against his with every thrust. 

"You feel amazing," Cas mumbles, pressing his lips to Dean's in a sloppy kiss, " _so good_." His hips buck hard, and his eyes fall shut, still mumbling against Dean's lips. " _So close already_ ," he huffs, " _fuck, Dean_."

"It's okay," Dean breathes, "I want you to come, baby. Come for me." He catches his lips in a heated kiss, and Cas' hips stutter beneath him. He thrusts slow and deep, burying himself in Dean, and with one final snap of his hips, he spills his release into him, moaning into Dean's mouth. 

Without skipping a beat, Cas' fingers wind around Dean's cock, jerking him steadily. Dean rocks into it, keeping his mouth Cas' as he chases the burning coil of arousal within him. Cas' cock is still hard inside him, and that's ultimately what pushes him over the edge; Cas fucks into him slow and steady jacking Dean's cock until he's whimpering, pushing back against the wall. Cas' fingers brush the head of his cock and that's it; he comes with a muffled cry against Cas' lips, spilling between them as Cas' fingers slow against his skin. 

Dean drops his head back against the wall, and Cas shifts, pulling out and readjusting so he can lift Dean properly. He carries him into the bathroom, and Dean's too tired to argue slumped against his shoulder with his fingers sliding through his hair. Cas sets him down on the bathroom counter, and Dean leans back against the mirror, wrinkling his nose at the mess that is his stomach. 

Cas wipes him clean, and Dean can't help but pull him close, cupping his chin in his hands and kissing him slow and sweet. Cas is smiling when he pulls back, and he lifts Dean off the counter, making for the bed. 

They tumble onto the mattress, and Dean pulls the covers over them both, kissing every inch of Cas that he can reach until he's pressed firmly back against the bed. 

"We have to sleep at some point," he hums, fitting himself up against Dean's side. 

"Do we though?"

Cas drapes an arm over his stomach, "yes."

"But what are we gonna do when we get home?"

"Dean," Cas says softly, shutting his eyes. It's clear that he's tired, and wants to sleep, but he indulges Dean anyway. "When we get home, we're going to go straight to your house - maybe we'll make a detour to get some boxes - and then we're going to sleep, because we're both going to be exhausted from the drive home. When we wake up, we'll make breakfast, and we're going to pack up everything you own and take it to my apartment and I don't know how much stuff you have so I don't know how long it will take-"

"Not long," Dean interjects.

"But when we're done, we're going to go out for dinner to celebrate, and then? we'll just have to see."

"And when I get back to work, and I can pay for myself again?"

"Dean," Cas groans, pushing him back against the bed again, though he's smiling as he climbs over Dean, "I'm going to say this once, and then we're going to bed; you and I both know that I'm not going to kick you out."

"Mmkay," Dean hums, cuddling in closer, and Cas kisses him, slipping an arm around Dean's waist. He falls silent, listening to the soft huff of Cas' breath, but his mind is still going full bore. 

"I want you to meet Sam," he says, softly, in case Cas is already asleep. When Cas cocks one eye open at him, he continues, "I'm gonna Skype him tomorrow and I want you him and Jess."

Cas closes his eyes, but he slides his hand up Dean's stomach, "you just met my entire family, of course I'll meet your brother."

"I love you."

"Dean," Cas chuckles softly, "go to sleep."

Just outside their window, snow is falling soft and silent in the night, and when they wake up in the morning they will be greeted with a bright, white Christmas morning. For now, though, Dean is content to cuddle up close and let the soft sound of Cas' breath lull him to sleep. There have been many Christmases that he glazed over in the past, and there will be many more to come, but this night will be in his mind for as long as he can think clearly.


End file.
